A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:What could anyone recommend for a man who is miserable in marriage and staying in it for the kids sake? I have been with my wife for 7 years (married 6) and for the last year or two I have been insanely unhappy. I'm in no way perfect, so I won't write the laundry list of things that are making me unhappy, let's just leave it at the fact that my wife and I have a virtually non existent sex life, and that she makes her resentment for a few things that have happened in the last three years very apparent. I just seem to be constantly asking myself the question of whether or not I am still in love with her, and whether I even married her because I was in love with her, or if I thought I was doing the right thing because she was pregnant at the time...
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2008): My advice is that you seek marriage counseling. I also suggest both of you read "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. Both these things saved my marriage. You need to have a healthy and happy relationship for both yourself and your kids. They will be able to sense the tension between you. They learn to love by watching your relationship with your wife. You need to be honest and tell her how you are feeling. It is so important to keep the line of communication open. I'm sorry you are miserable right now, and I hope you can reconnect with your wife.
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (30 July 2008):
 Have you explored what your emotional needs are? Maybe it is just a matter of you defining what you need to feel your emotional needs are satisfied and once you are able to communicate that to her, your feelings of affection should return. As a man, it is easy to feel overwhelmed with the pressures of raising a family, and that can lead to feeling emotionally numb to your partner. Taking time to explore what you need emotionally as a man might make things clearer so that divorce is not even a consideration for you.
-Frank B Kermit
author of I'M A Man, That's My Job
link: http://www.lulu.com/content/875085
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A
male
reader, Wild Thaing +, writes (30 July 2008):
 One option (among a few) is to take a break from each other, as in live separately.
What happened in the past is not very relevant. You and your wife are now in this very dark place and I'm sure your kid(s) senses it. If both of you are projecting unhappiness I doubt that your kid(s) are immune.
It's time for you to set aside all of the noise and listen to your inner voice. It's pretty clear to me what your inner voice is saying, but that doesn't do you any good. You have make the effort to listen and acknowledge that inner voice. If you have a correctly functioning moral compass then you won't be steered wrong by your inner voice.
Listen to that voice then act. Good luck and take care.
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A
male
reader, davie  +, writes (30 July 2008):
The breakup of a marriage can hurt children BUT remember unhappy parents in a strained home environment also damages children.
Unfortunately she probably knows you won't walk so treats you however she wants. If you're going to stay you need to try and at least improve things. Make more effort yourself and explain bluntly if necessary how unhappy you are and how her resentment is damaging you.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (30 July 2008):
Well you need to sit her down and talk about these 3 things she resents you for and figure out how to fix them one at a time.
If she sees you are making effort then hopefully she will too.
Talk to her and tell her you don't want either of you to be trapped in a ball of misery and want to fix it. I'm sure this isn't her idea of happily ever after either so you need to get her on side if you are going to make things work.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2008): You need to look deep within and decide if you love her enough to work it out or even want to, all marriage do go through tough times some can be worked out in others its time to move on. Our purpose with that person may be complete and there is more for us to do. We all deserve love and happiness in life and no it doesn't come easy we don't give up and move onto the next easy thing but when we truely look within we know when it is over. It is just actually completing the ending that is hard no matter what our feelings are no one want to feel like a failure and hurt another person. But what are you doing to stay whaen there is nothing left you are hurting yourself your partner and your children.
Don't stay for the kids the know when their parents are unhappy they can feel the anger and resentlent that grow. Is divorce easy on anyone NO but it is better for everyone to leave to love and be loved again.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (30 July 2008):
 I would recommend that you think hard whether you and your wife will be able to stay married and manage not to create an unbreathable atmosphere for your children. It is very true that divorce creates problems for children, but sometimes staying together creates a lot more trouble.
Judging by your post, I'm afraid you two have reached a point of no return, and things can only get worse and worse if you stay together. How long do you think you two will be able not to have anyone on the side? What will happen if you develop bonds to those people? Et cetera.
Sometimes children are extremely aware of what is going on between mom and dad. A friend of mine stayed married for the sake of children. When the youngest one was eighteen, and he told her she was leaving, her question was "What took you so long?"
Think carefully and act wisely. Wish you the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2008): Well, if you've made up your mind to stay in the marriage, then I'd recommend working on it - hard as hell.
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