A
male
age
,
*ewuoygy
writes:There are many questions posted about losing virginity on this board? But I want to know exactly what it means by losing virginity. (1)Penetration of the penis into the vagina, with the result that the woman's hymen is broken. For both the male and the female in this case, virginity is lost. This seems to be clear. (2) But how about anal sex? Does it mean that the male loses virginity, but not the female? (3) How about oral sex performed by the female on the male's penis? Does it mean again the male loses virginity but not the female? (4) Oral sex performed by the male on the female? Does it mean that the female loses virginity but not the male? (5) How about the male fingering into the female's vagina and "G-spot, etc.?(6) How about just petting?(7) I guess nobody would say merely kissing, however passionate, makes both parties lose virginity. But exactly how and where do you draw the line? Please share your thoughts.
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anal sex, fingering, hymen, kissing, oral sex, vagina Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2010): anonymous 14 again..
thanks ill think about what you said .. i shud choose for myself
A
male
reader, kewuoygy +, writes (17 October 2010):
kewuoygy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear anonymous (at 14),
I really can't speak on your belief, since I grew up in different times. But if you believe that virginity matters to you, or--putting it in a different way--that maintaining some kind of sexual boundary is important to you, then you should stop experimenting with anal or oral sex, since arguably virginity is not just a matter of physiology.
What is far important is what you will do going forward, not what you have done with your bf. I understand that this culture pressures young people to have sex at an earlier and earlier age, but don't do this just because that's what your peers do.
I hope you'll make the best decision for yourself.
Best,
kewuoygy
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2010): im kinda scared now.. i dont no if im a virgin or not.. me + my bf tried anal sex yesterday and weve done oral but no vaginal.. im only 14 i thot i was still a virgin
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A
male
reader, kewuoygy +, writes (16 October 2010):
kewuoygy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your interesting responses. It seems all of you agree that virginity is lost for both parties involved in penile-vaginal sex.
In the case of anal sex, it also seems clear at least to most of you that a female cannot call herself a virgin, if she has been penetrated. As SlimShady says, "[A] girl who has an anal gangbang with the HS football team could hardly be considered a virgin."
But how about the guy or the guys who did that to the girl? I think it would be disingenuous for a guy to call himself a virgin even after having anal sex.
But how about oral sex? OhGetReal says, "[O]ral sex is sex, but in the case of losing your virginity, NO." I can't quite come down on this one. When someone asks you whether you are a virgin, can you say: "Yes, I am, but I have had oral sex performed on me by a girl"? Or "Yes, I am, but I have performed oral sex for a guy"?
daletom has proposed an the distinction between "physiological virgins" and "mental virgins" and the idea of "a spectrum of 'virgin-ness'." I thought this is interesting and well taken. In more traditional cultures, it is fair to say that even petting could constitute losing purity and virginity. But one issue with the distinction between physiological and mental virgins is that no one can be a virgin, because all of us have had sexual fantasies. The idea of a spectrum of virgin-ness seems to capture well the different cases I have come up with. On a practical note though, when someone asks you whether you are a virgin, it seems awkward--and evasive--to say: "Yes, I am a virgin, but I have done XYZ..."--with all the fine print and disclaimers.
Again, thank you all for your ideas. Keep them coming. :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2010): sexual intercourse... penis in vagina... penetration
If you are male and you penetrate her vagina (even just once) you have lost your virginity (no big deal lol). If you are female and a male penetrates your vagina (even just once) you are no longer a virgin.
You do not have to have a hymen broken or bleed or pain.
anal and oral sex requires such words prefixed. i.e. "I am an anal virgin". You cannot go saying you are a virgin when you have had sex but just not anal.
Self-Masturbation or if your partner does it... has nothing to do with virginity.
Kissing is "sexual" content... but sex is short for sexual intercourse which solely refers to penis penetrating the vagina. There is no specifics on time and position etc. Neither partner even needs to orgasm.
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A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (16 October 2010):
 The hymen has nothing to do with losing your virginity unless of course you have a hymen, many girls don't because it is broken riding horses, or physical exams as a child due to yeast infections, etc.
Losing your virginity is penetrative sex. And oral sex is sex, but in the case of losing your virginity, NO.
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A
male
reader, MyDestiny +, writes (16 October 2010):
 Any type of penetration, weather anal or vaginal= Loss of virginity.
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A
female
reader, fran2008 +, writes (16 October 2010):
I would say number 1 as well, but your hymen does not necessarily have to break. Most girls hymens break from just running, riding bikes, and physical activity as a child.
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A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (16 October 2010):
I basically have to go along with the penis-in-vagina criteria, for either gender. That definition probably works for about 99.9% of all people - and from there we can get nit-picky over subtle details.
Such as, "How far into the vagina?". Probably the glans passing the inner lips. Even though that may not rupture her hymen I'd say she was no longer a virgin, and neither is her partner. But there is something like a spectrum of "virgin-ness" - I'd say that the process of being devirginized isn't really complete, for either gender, until there has been a male climax while inserted in the vagina.
To deal with the case of anal sex, we could introduce the notion of "physiological virgins" versus "mental virgins". A girl who has had anal intercourse can have a physiologically virginal vagina, but she has experienced her body being intimately used by a guy for his sexual pleasure so she is not a mental virgin. The same can be said for her partner - he has mentally experienced intercourse and the sexual pleasure of another's body, even though it wasn't her vagina gripping his penis.
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A
female
reader, MonksDaBomb +, writes (16 October 2010):
 I vote for #1. And I agree, that the hymen does not have to be broken for a woman to lose her virginity. Masturbating with dildos will do that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2010): I vote for #1, but without th eneed for the hymen being broken. I've heard that gentle sex or smaller guys may not break the hymen. But I think a penis has to be inserted for it to be sexual intercourse. I count oral as sex, but not sexual intercourse.
I never got the girls who only do anal to "preserve" their virginity. While technically, I guess you would be, a girl who has an anal gangbang with the HS football team could hardly be considered a virgin. I think the act of sex has a lot to do with it for me
I know...so technical :)
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A
female
reader, Natalie:)  +, writes (15 October 2010):
 Once you've actually had sex!!! And as it's virginity and therefore likely that the guy will be the only one having an orgasm so once ed done.
If you didn't get all the way to the guys orgasm then you attempted to loose your virginity but I wouldn't claim not to be a virgin if I'd only ever had a failed attempt at sex.
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