A
female
age
41-50,
*exy babe1980
writes:I know this guy, he's 20 and am 31 i was just wondering why is he interested in me, when he can have anyone he wants? I am worried about the age difference when keep asking me out. i say sorry I'm too old for you and he says I'm not old.What do you think i should say? any help would be appreciated Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2011): Do you like him? Do you want to go out with him or not. If you are not attracted to him just tell him no. You don't owe him any explanations.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (9 November 2011):
 IF he can have anyone he wants and he wants YOU why are you to deny him?
IF the ONLY reason you are saying no is his age, I would say at least give him a chance... and then on your date you can ask him WHY...
perhaps he has a misconception that older women are A, B or C... or maybe he really just LIKES YOU...
When my boyfriend was 20 I was 33 and no we would NOT have done well then... but now at 38 and 51 we are great.
my last husband was 11 years younger than I am...
IF a 42 yr old man asked you out would you go?
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (9 November 2011):
 Sounds like you like the attention. Well who wouldn't? But the question you really need to address is, not why he is interested in you, but where do you see this going?
Look OP, there's no explanation for attraction. You just get drawn towards some people. That's not even the issue here. The thing is, at the end of the day he is a 20 year old kid and you are 31. Pop culture, movies targeting teenagers, celebrities, etc., have have glorified the younger guy-older woman syndrome. The milf nonsense that started with the American Pie series really fueled the bizarre idea of younger men wanting to bed much older women. But in reality, is it really something that converts into a healthy, long-term relationship?
Since you are 31, I'm assuming you are settled in your life or at least have a direction that you are working towards. This 20 yr old kid is just starting his life. He has college to finish, higher studies, he'll get a job, start working. All along the way, he will be meeting girls his own age, and sooner or later he will realize that its much easier and better to be with a person his own age, someone whom he can relate to. There's way too much of an age gap between the two of you. You will obviously want a commitment, but its difficult to expect him to commit at such a young age. You are bound to get jealous of the younger girls whom he will be friends with/work with.
Sure this guy will say you're not old, he'll say anything to get you to agree to go out with him. But accept reality. You are not old per se, but you are too old FOR HIM.
While there is no denying the fact that he might really like you as of now, you have to be mature about it and think about the long-term consequences and how its going to affect your life. One cant really expect a 20 year old to take a mature decision, but the onus is on you. Make it clear that its not happening. He will soon move on.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (9 November 2011):
 The real question is what do YOU want from him, not viceversa. What he wants it's a super easy guess :).
Most 20 something are very interested in 30something and more. There's a massive Mrs. Robinson's trend out there. Blame it on Demi Moore and Madonna, but nowadays many ,many young kids go sniffing around good looking women in their 30s ( and 40s ) - it's assumed they are hotter, sexier, more experienced, more sophisticated, and "drama free" ( read : low maintenance, you don't have to be as nice / respectful / committed to an older woman as you'd be to your 18 y.o. gf ). Not that the little rascals are totally emotionless, often they start out of sexual curiosity and end up head over heels with their older lady. But, you have to ask yourself , how long will they stay in love ? Will still they be around in one year , 5 years, 10 years ?
Chances go from scant to almost nihil.
You'd be at very different stages in life, with very different plans and needs in a relationship.
So, if you want to be monogamous, get married, get settled, have kids, share your LIFE with a man, he is a very risky bet and a nearly sure waste of time.
If you just want a transitional love to be taken a day at a time, with no expectations, and to build up some fun, naughty memories for when you'll be an old lady,- go with the flow and enjoy.
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reader, k_c100  +, writes (9 November 2011):
 We cant tell you why he is interested - only he knows so you will have to ask him that question. Simply ask him outright why he is interested in you and what makes him think it could work with the age difference. I wouldnt trust a 20 year old who wants to date a woman who is 11 years older than him, my bet is that he just wants to experience an older woman (a lot of boys go through this phase, they like the idea of having sex with an older more experience woman because it will make them better in bed). So my thoughts are that he is just looking for sex with an older woman so he can get better in bed then go and impress girls closer to his own age. If you think about this logically - you are 31, so presumably you would like to get married and have kids in the near future? I bet you are looking to settle down and have a steady long term relationship. Whereas a 20 year old boy will not want marriage or kids for a very long time. He will want to be going out partying, enjoying being young and not taking anything too seriously. So what you want from life will be totally different to what he wants, therefore even if this boy claims to genuinely have feelings for you, it will never work in the long run. You have to be the mature adult here and realise that even if you like him, this isnt going to work long term so there is no point in getting involved. I think you should just explain to him that you are too old for him, you want different things from life and you are not interested in dating someone so young. If you tell him you are not interested then I'm sure he will get the point and move on.I hope this helps and good luck!
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