A
female
age
41-50,
*ichelle27
writes:id really like some advice as i have come to my last option. i have been with my boyfriend for nearly 2years. it has been very hard and emotional to stay together. in the begginning he told me he was single with no kids. after a few months he kept disappearing and disappeared for nearly a month. i later found out he had a kid in dec 06 by accident and she was born in oct 06. he told me him and his x were not in a relationshiop but he was there for her at the birth and stayed after as he wanted to be a father. i accepted this and forgave him for it. he did appologise and was genuine he didnt tell me as he feared he would loose me. since then he saw his daughter nearly every weekend but as time progressed his x made it so difficult for him to see his daughter as he wanted to take his daughter to see his family as they never met. while all this was going on, i found out he was online flirting with other girls - including facebook. we argued for nearly 4months about facebook, as he hid his profile from me and wouldnt prove anything to me. then he promised he wouldnt do it again as i was on the verge of walking. then it happend twice more. after forgiving him again i then find two pics of girls on his comp, he said he was stupid and he doesnt realise what hes got, again i forgave him. then in feb this year i find out that hes been txing dirty txs to another girl telling her what he wants to do to her. i had had enough at this point and i jus wanted to leave. he cryed. and begged me to stay. he said that wen im with him i make him happy and that he was bored and sorry. i gave him the benefit of the dought. since feb he hasnt done nothing as we have been together eveyday. we had an argument over the weekend and i went home. as soon as my back is turned he went on the net and joined up to a dating web site. i confront him and he says he did it out of spite cos i upset him and im always picking on him. i admit i do pick on him and have accused him alot of things recently only as i have no trust, however he does prove to me that he hasnt been upto nothing.i know deep down he does love me as wen there is no problems its great and hes so caring and considerate. i should also say that he has sickle cell and when hes ill or in pain im right by his side. wen hes upset over his daughter i am right by his side. i also found out that he did the same to his daughters mum, flirting and chatting with girls online, but she never knew about it. we spoke over the weekend and both agreed to end it. then he calls me lastnight and said that he didnt mean what he said and he wants to see if we can see if there is anything still there between us. so we haev a heart to heart and i still jump down his troat. wen i did that he said theres nothing between us and now he knows. and for us to jus go our separate ways. i think thats the end. then this morning hes calling me asking if i got to work ok and hes telling me that he misses me..... bottom line i dont trust him. but i love him so dam much. i know he loves me too. hes going through hell as he cant see his daughter. he jus doesnt treat me right and i want to know what the best thing to do ispls help thank you
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female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (4 April 2008):
 Makes a change on here for someone to stand up for themselves! Good for you. The guy obviously wants his cake and eat it. Everyone makes mistakes, and giving someone a second chance isn't always a bad idea, but when they keep making them, you say enoughs enough, otherwise they have no reason to stop making them. He will do a lot of thinking now, no doubt about that. My ex messed up a couple of times, i wasn't giving him a third chance. We are still mates and he even stops over here with his child sometimes, but i would never get back with him. He's thought i'm asleep before and was whispering sorry for screwing up in the past. Even if its all fake, you can be sure deep down they know they messed up.
You never know, in time he might learn and after some time apart, gain your trust again?
C xxxxx
A
female
reader, michelle27 +, writes (4 April 2008):
michelle27 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionjust a quick update. from 11.30 untill 1.30 i have had over 200 miss calls from him, yes 200. i had had enough so i spoke to him and asked him to leave me alone, he said he wanted to ask me 3 questions and then he will. first one was if i want to come home - i said no. second one was if i want to be with him - i said no. and third one was is this the end - i said yes. he said ok from now on forget me and i wont bother you, from now on consider me dead, then he hung up. since then he hasnt called. so i guess thats it. after everything he put me thur and i truly believed we would be together forever cos i thought we was perfect for eachother. little did i know he wants to have fun and keep me too jus because there is noone else there. thats it its the end of that now.
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A
female
reader, x-kitycatlok-x +, writes (4 April 2008):
 Good on you! You'll find someone worth being with, and you'll never be happier.
Wishing you the best.
xx
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A
female
reader, michelle27 +, writes (4 April 2008):
michelle27 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all for your advice, i just needed to hear people that dont know me to give me a kick up the backside. all in all since i put this question out, he has called me everyday, saying that he went on a dating site cos he was mad with me, then he said it was cos his friend who sent an invite to that website. he deleted his profile off there of course, only cos i know. but since he has asked me to come back to his house, telling me he knows hes done wrong. i told him i dont want to be with him no more, and hes lost someone who looked out for him. this time i mean it, i think he knows im serious now. last night was the first night he didnt call me, untill 12.30 at night, i ignored his calls and txs. i tried to change his password on yahoo to see whats going on... not only did he change his password a couple of days ago, hes also changed his date of birth and postcode so i cant confirm that to change the password. hmm very cleaver if ur hiding something. that made me realise even more, and now i feel very strong to leave him. today is my mums bday - she passed away a year ago this month. hes put me thru too much and im going to concentrate on myself. all he wants is to have his fun. so i will leave him to do it without me. good riddens
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A
female
reader, x-kitycatlok-x +, writes (3 April 2008):
He's done this more than once, has he not? I don't think he's going to change. If you can't trust him now then you can't trust him at all. Just leave him and find someone else. He'll only end up breaking your heart again, and I doubt you will want that to happen.
One of the most important things in relationships is trust. Without it you can kiss your relationship goodbye. Without trust there is no love. I forget who says that, but it is still true.
Wishing you the best.
xx
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (3 April 2008):
I was with a guy like that, when he left mine at night, i wondered what he was doing. Never could quite trust him, although i dont think he wass up to much apart from going to the pub maybe. But its not nice is it, the things that go through your head.
Unfotunately that relationship i was in, didn't work out.
If you dont think you can live with the way he is, you need to go cold turkey and get rid. Hell on earth when you still love someone, but love isn't enough to make a relationship work.
C xxxxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008): Hear Hear Sister!!
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A
female
reader, michelle27 +, writes (2 April 2008):
michelle27 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni want to be able to trust him, not check up on him all the time. i want to be able to go home and he stays at his home and be able not to have that feeling of what hes up to. i should also tell you that i found out that he done exactly the same with his daughters mum, although she didnt know, i saw the emails he sent a girl while they was together, and he was telling that girl that he has feelings for her and that hes falling for her. everything with him is online. he says that he never actually went out and had sex with anyone cos thats worse than anything, he said at least hes never cheated on me. its like hes twisting me to think and come round to his way of thinking
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A
female
reader, michelle27 +, writes (2 April 2008):
michelle27 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwen he came clean about everything in feb this year, i stayed with him everyday, and i knew his password to his emails and his facebook which he wasnt bothered about. then we argued this weekend and i go home and as soon as my back is turned hes signig up to a online dating and he also changed his passwords cos he said hes fed up with me checking on him, and he said hes not done anything wrong since he came clean in feb... hes not done anything wrong cos ive been with him. i havent been perfect i know that, i kept in contact with an ex and he didnt like it and it hurt him so i cut ties with my ex and havent spoken to him out of respect for my boyfriend. we argued over the weekend as he was upset that he couldnt see his daughter and i wasnt very comforting, which i admit i wasnt. however thats the first time ive done that and was selfish. its like he wants to hold something against me cos he knows hes done wrong again. when i tell him how hes hurt me yet again he said that all i do is go on about myself, and i dont think about my own actions. he doesnt like it when i check up on him.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (2 April 2008):
 You have given him many chances to repent but he has broken your trust time and time again.
You could leave him for a period of time and see if he will
change for good or you can live without him.
He will need to really prove to you that he has changed before you can accept him back.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (2 April 2008):
This guy keeps letting you down. Thats way to much to put up with if you ask me.
Doesn't sound like he will change much either.
C xxxxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008): I think you need to be honest with yourself. This guy doesn't show much commitment does he? Have you asked yourself why you love him? Is it really love or just a fear of being on your own? He's lied and cheated from the start and you keep forgiving him every time he lets out a tear and shows you his doe eyes. He's got away with it for so long it's almost become a habit with him, and I dare say he expects you to beg him to come back!
Do yourself a favour. You don't need all this hassle and deceit. Find yourself a man with some backbone, sincerity and commitment. He's out there somewhere. You might have to kiss a few frogs first before you find the prince, but hey, that's life!
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