A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am getting very very down about the way my husband is towards me and whenever I say about it he gets annoyed with me. If I give some examples of his behaviour...I would be so grateful for anyones opinion as I feel like I don't know whether I imagine it or not - despite it really getting to me! So..a series of things just this morning... We were both in the kitchen early this morning and he said "Well I'm just going to get a shower and then maybe we'll have some breakfast?" He said it in a way that implied I should get his breakfast while he is in the shower which I am happy to do but don't need telling. At about 8am he suddenly said "Well I'll get the bus now shall I?". I was just finishing a cup of tea (we car share usually and I drop him at work) and I was not dressed so I said "sorry I'll get dressed won't be a second" and he said "Is that a yes or a no then? you never make any sense" so I had to say more clearly "I'll take you in to work please give me 2 minutes." (he often tells me that I never give him a straight answer - although then he says I'm a natural communicator in other ways).On the way out the door he put the house key in the lock and I went to lock it after him. He said "Oh, I was going to do that." in a really nasty tone as if I'd done something terrible and wrong. Instead of just saying casually "Oh have you got the lock no problem." When I was driving him to work I was already beginning to feel upset by all this. To make conversation I said how bad the traffic was and he said "Well yes it is actually best to go the other way". I just thought - blimey I fail at everything I do. Then, when I dropped him outside his place of work he said "Thank you I really appreciate you dropping me off - hope your day goes well." I thought - what is this? Total contrast to the last 2 hours in terms of attitude!!!The reason I give this snapshot because to a greater (sometimes much greater) or lesser degree this is how my life is day in day out. Today so far is very typical. I feel nervous and unsure of myself all the time and I have become kind of fuzzy and not able to make decisions - even small ones. I know deep down I am confident but what is happening here? Am I making too much of this? Do I behave wrong? Is what I do not right? I feel so disappointed I cannot seem to change things and he seems to get uptight and pick on me about all manner of small things and then tell me how wonderful I am just one hour later.Please help with any insight or advice.
View related questions:
at work Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008): This is mental bullying it starts with nit picking and ends up destroying the victims self esteem. It is a trait learned in early childhood and progresses to an art form in adulthood. He wraps alot of it up in sarcasm (or is it?) (clever), but the aim is always the same, CONTROL even if this means lack of self esteem on your part. You need to confront him about is behaviour, but be warned it is deep seated and if he accepts his problem ( which is unlikely) he may need professional help.
A
female
reader, Lucyy....x +, writes (2 April 2008):
i think this is the reaction men give when they are upset and keeping a problem to there self rather than sharing it. this could just be because your husband is affraid of what you might think of him if he opens up to you. Maybe he has something on his mind which is bovering him such as a work problem or maybe a family one. i would advise you just to explain how you are feeling as it is clearly geeting you down. If he tells you there is no problem then tell him you dont wish to be spoken to in the way he has been speaking to you.Good Luck
...............................
A
female
reader, Lucyy....x +, writes (2 April 2008):
i think this is the reaction men give when they are upset and keeping a problem to there self rather than sharing it. this could just be because your husband is affraid of what you might think of him if he opens up to you. Maybe he has something on his mind which is bovering him such as a work problem or maybe a family one. i would advise you just to explain how you are feeling as it is clearly geeting you down. If he tells you there is no problem then tell him you dont wish to be spoken to in the way he has been speaking to you.Good Luck
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008): He could be feeling bad about something and taking it out on you. I have felt just like you but notice that if I change my attitude my partner mirrors me. If you seem flustered or upset maybe he thinks he can't make you feel happy and gets grumpy.
Try this. Tomorrow morning wake up and really smile at him. Be cheerful and positive. If he is still grumpy say something funny. If he is still grumpy be absolutely resolute not to take it personally. Think about your own day, not about him.
Let us know if it works.
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (2 April 2008):
 I think you are just too sensitive.
You should treat it as his style of talking and nothing more.
Do not try to read behind what he said.
Just ignore his comments if you think it is rude .
Maybe , you should tell him when the comments are inappropriate and hurtful.
This way he knows where are your boundaries and if he
crosses them , you will unleashed your ballistic missiles.
He would learn to keep away from those areas or keep his
mouth shut if he has nothing good to say to you.
He is teasing you and having his fun in seeing you squirmed
under duress.
Do not let it affect you .
You can counter his sick jokes by ignoring them or just give
him a smile which can exasperate him.
Do not pander to his whims and fancies.
...............................
A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (2 April 2008):
 Hi,
Please dont take this the wrong way. Is he behaving like this all the time or are you just noticing it ocasionaly. I ask this because it could be that you are picking up on things that normally wouldnt bother you. Ask yourself honestly, have you felt any different lately. Are your periods normal, are you on any new type of medicine. If you can be positive that its not yourself being hormonal then yes he is picking fault with you.
So your only answer is to pull him up on this. Tell him that your finding the way he treats you sometimes, ofensive.
Dont let him make you feel scared to be yourself.
...............................
A
female
reader, brooke5426 +, writes (2 April 2008):
 I agree with you, it does sound like he's nit-picking at silly things just for the sake of it. But to be fair,he probably doesnt realise he's doing it. Or if he does he wont realise it upsets you this much.
If I was you I would tell him calmly, or wait until he says something like that and then point it out because he might not even notice.
I think you should say something though because it'll just boil up in your mind and drive you insane then one day you'll lose it with him.
take care
Brooke
x
...............................
|
