A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Do girls and woman really judge themselves harshly on their own appearance? My girlfriend is absolutely gorgeous yet she is convinced that she is plain looking!!!! What can I do to get through to my g/f she is beautiful?! I keep telling her she is beautiful etc but she ignores me most of the time. It's so frustrating.Are all women this insecure and critical about their appearance??
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female
reader, sappygirl  +, writes (5 August 2008):
 I think all young girls in their twenty are insecure about their looks and never think they are pretty.
Of course i was this way. No matter who complimented me I didn't feel pretty, but I didn't love myself on the inside.
Only now when I am in my thirties I can look back at pictures and see myself as very attractive. I think it comes with age. To accept and love yourself as you are.
So there is nothing you can do. It's the females that need to get over this issue.
A
female
reader, Umari Solanthus +, writes (4 August 2008):
 It is a really hard task to convince a woman that she is beautiful. I have been told by all members of my family, and friends and some guys, that I am really quite pretty, yet I cannot see what they find so appealing. I look at my sisters and see them as smart, beautiful people, and then I look at myself and feel like ugly and repulsive next to them. My mum tells me I have legs most women would kill for... yet I can't see how. They're just sticks to me.
For me it's nothing to do with magazines telling me how I should look. It's all psychology. And that is something very hard to break.
The best you can do is to keep telling her she's nice-looking. Don't argue over it or press the issue. Just a simple compliment once a day. Compliment her hair, her dress, her smile, anything. Just single little compliments on a regular basis can slowly help change psychology, if they start to believe it.
If you press an issue or argue with them over it, they may become stubborn and go deeper into the belief that they are ugly. I know, I do it myself, even though I'm aware of it.
So just pay a simple compliment every day, and maybe once a month or so do something more, like a bunch of flowers, chocolates, or whatever she happens to like most. If you can make her feel that she is truly loved by you, then she may start to think 'maybe I am beautiful after all'. You have to work on the psychology.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (4 August 2008):
 Yes I have to agree with Replacement on this one, you are not going to win on this with your gf.
It is inbred in women I guess, there is so much peer pressure to look a certain way and it is so much more thrust at us compared to men.
Look at all the women's magazines continually telling us about the new diet or exercise so that we can have the perfect figure. I am constantly unhappy with the way I look and the only time I felt really good was when I was a size 10 and I was about 24/25 at the time.
There was one thing though that did make me feel good and I think if women could afford to do it they would see themselves differently I must admit. It is costly but depends on where you go but about 10/15 years ago my ex's sister won a competition which was first prize to go to Cover Shots in London for a wonderful big picture of herself and a full session in a studio - what they didn't tell her was that there would also be the hard sell for pictures that were taken of her and she asked me to go along with her. Even though I had none of my own clothes I had a free session too and ended up buying a few shots for an albumn and at the time it cost me about £400/£500 but I must admit that was the one time that I felt a million dollars and it is something I can look back at and I liked the pictures staring back at me.
Do you know anyone who is a photographer or someone who does makeup professionally, perhaps you could arrange a surprise session for her and treat her for a birthday or Christmas present, she will feel special or even just a pamper day or weekend somewhere. I think we sometimes forget about ourselves in day to day life but when someone else shows us a different picture of ourselves it really does make us sit up and take notice.
Just an idea for you OK.
Let me know how you get on or any of us on here eh!
Believe me it isn't anything your doing just keep up the reassurance but at the end of the day you may have to come to the conclusion that if it wears you down you will have to tell her that you cannot live like this forever, you think she is beautiful and you only want to be with her but if she keeps on pushing you away then one day you may walk as you can't live your life being her ego bolster she has to do that for herself as there is only so much you can do and tell her but it really does have to come from inside of her.
BFN
Country Woman
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A
male
reader, Replacement  +, writes (4 August 2008):
 Yeah, it's a really common thing.
I've dated a lot of girls and have yet to find one who can see how beautiful she is. In my experience, women are generally very insecure and self-critical. Perhaps not all of them are, but most are. It's partially due to societal pressures, they feel like they have to look like porn stars or fashion models in order to be beautiful and beat themselves up accordingly when they fall short. Also, when women are together, it's like a sport for them to sit around and pick apart their own bodies, as well as bodies of other women. This doesn't help their self-esteem.
It's really, really, REALLY difficult to get through to a woman who believes she is inadequate. I never really had any success with my girlfriends, they would believe me for about a day, but then the next day would be back to hating their bodies and wondering if I'm after other girls or watching porn because they aren't hot enough, etc, etc. I wish I had some decent advice for you. I've dealt with more insecure women than I can count and have yet to find the hidden key.
Hell, my current girlfriend is practically a goddess, and she hears as such from more people than just me (friends, other men, etc.) but she still thinks she's a dog. I tell her how gorgeous she is every day, and she only listens about 1/10th of the time. I have to pointedly reassure her that she's beautiful about once a week, because every time she sees a lad mag on the shelves of a 7-11 or a "hot girl" in a movie, she starts worrying about my wandering eye (even though it's never actually wandering).
So basically... I have no constructive advice to give you, because this is one of the most difficult things to do- to convince ANY woman that she is beautiful.
I'm going to sit tight and wait for a female perspective on this one.
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