A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've done something so terrible and feeling bad about it. I went on a trip with a guy in summer and there i was mourning and crying about my ex all the time and he comforted me and was there for me instead of being mad at me he was being a good friend and helping me out with my break up.i simply said sorry and after i came back i didn't put any effort in the friendship at all,called him to make plans for hanging out here and there not more than that. i even asked him for money from the trip (i know terrible) and just text him happy birthday on his birthday. it's been two months since i'm back and i now feel horrible he was such a good guy and i feel like i used him as a re bound and didn't even speak to him later on. what can i do to get his friendship back? should i send him something with an apology or will i make a fool of my self now if i do it?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (27 October 2012):
 OP, it would be a good idea to refer people to your prior submissions or include the relevant information here as you did there. Thanks to Daisy, I have a better picture of the situation.
Ok, so he no longer wishes to keep in touch. He specifically said this or are you just assuming it?
Whatever apology you make, include whatever money you can afford to pay back along with a note. Keep it simple, don't ask for anything (not friendship, not forgiveness, not anything) and leave it at that. Do NOT get into long emotional explanations. They'll come across as excuses or a desperate bid to elicit his support again. He knows you were unhappy, he saw it and doesn't need to hear it all again. A sincere apology is one with no strings attached.
The measure of a person is not how they behave on a good day, but how they carry themselves on a bad one. Unfortunately he's seen you on a bad day and didn't like what he saw. He may decide that was enough. If he chooses not to respond or to accept the apology and maintain the distance, that is a perfectly reasonable choice and you must respect it. This is not the defining moment of your life. It's an opportunity. Consider it a lesson learned and apply these new insights to future encounters with others.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 October 2012):
 Yeah, what happened to the card and/ or housewarming gift ? Did you get around to send it ?
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (26 October 2012):
 http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-it-too-late--how-do-i.html
Did you read all the answers when you posted about this previously, OP?
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A
female
reader, psychic fiona +, writes (26 October 2012):
 well, first of all you was on a rebound and you just broke up with somone at that time and he was a really good friend and a concern person to be there for you in the time of need. you need to call him and apologize, for the way you acted and tell him you would like to be friends and at that time you wasnt in your right mind . and you would like to make it up to him and take it from there. and if its meant for you and him to be more than friends than let nature take its course.if thats what you want.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2012): should you send him something like a gift and card for his new place
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2012): would it be a good idea to send him a card along with something to his new place
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (26 October 2012):
If we're only talking a couple of months, then this can be salvaged. Are you in a position to repay him any of the money he gave you?
Instead of making a grand show of acknowledging how 'terrible' you were, and offering to flagellate yourself, you could thank him for being there when you were going through a rough time, offer to treat him to dinner and give him back his money (or whatever you can pay back). Assumnig that goes well you could keep ni touch more often afterward.
What kind of friendship do you want to have with him? He may have been supportive because he had an agenda (he's as human as the next person). If he fancies you then being too affectionate and apologetic may send the wrong signals and you'll end up hurting him. You haven't expressed any romantic interest so I'm guessing you don't have any for him. If that's so the above suggestion is still an option, but be more formal about it and don't keep in touch as often. And no kisses and cuddles, no even 'as friends'.
Break ups can be difficult and if he is reasonable I'm sure he understands you weren't in a good place and that it was temporary.
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A
male
reader, tamperingtampaguy +, writes (26 October 2012):
Offer to take him out to dinner as a thank you for all he did for you.
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