A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone! Hoping you can help with some relative troubles!Just before I start I think it would be relevant to say I have not got a close knit family. My immediate family (me, mum, dad and sis) are very very close and happy and for that reason we tend not to mix with other family members. This is because there is always a drama happening between one family member and another and it's very easy to get sucked in and bad mouthed for things you have not said. The main culprits of this being my auntie (by marriage) and my grandmother (her mother in law) My auntie is very volatile, out spoke and quite rough around the edges. She's not the kind of person you want to upset. So brings me to my issue. My aunties daughter (my cousin)has a learning disability. She suffered a stroke due to operation related complications and had 3 cardiac arrests. Luckily she survived and appearance/physically you would never know. However her brain was starved of oxygen and whilst they can't find any visible damage she clearly has some disability. For example she struggles with basic human manors and communication. She doesn't understand why it's wrong to follow somebody around she does not know purely because she 'fancy's' them. She's actually had a warning about harassment but she simply doesn't understand. She hasn't a bad bone in her body she just lacks basic skills. Another example she started an employment scheme at 19 ( she's now 20) and mimicked the foreign managers accent. She's not racist she purely thought it was funny and didn't see the issue. She got fired within two hours. She basically has communication and the mentality of about an 8 year old. My auntie has always been in denial regarding this and has refused to accept that my cousin is different from others or mentally a younger age. She's refused all support/help offered and nobody would dare acknowledge that my cousin does not behave like a twenty year old female. Anyway my problem. I recently wore a very daring plunge top out for a night out with friends and our partners. (It was very risky and showed an ample amount of cleavage). The next day a friend uploaded a picture of myself, the daring outfit and my partner to Facebook. Many people commented asking where the top was from and said how much they liked it. My cousin also commented asking where the top was from. (My cousin is dangerous on Facebook, she will copy random comments that other people write and copy what people post- she's been in quite a bit of trouble for it). Thinking she was just copying what others had said I didn't think anymore into it. I then received another message about where the item was from despite my clearly writing on the picture saying where I had purchase it. So I told her again. She then messaged me asking me if I would purchase the item for her. This made me uneasy as 1. My auntie would kill me if I bought her that item of clothing. 2. I don't see or speak to this relative so I would not simply purchase her a £30 item of clothing. 3. How would I say no politely without her telling me auntie that I've been 'nasty'. I explained that it would be best if she purchased the item due to sizing and the fact we both have busy schedules so I would not see her to give her the item. Since this I have received a total of 76 text messages, 43 missed calls and 24 Facebook messages. Asking me to purchase the top for her, asking me what the item was called, asking me whether you use cash or card to buy items off the Internet, numerous amounts of '?????', various emojis and even telling me her internet doesn't work so she can't order herself one via Facebook Internet messanger. This started at 10:30pm and is still continuing at gone midnight. Obviously any other person would know that contacting another person that you barely speak to let alone see asking them to buy you a gift is not correct. However clearly she does not see the problem with this. I have repeatedly been threw how she can get the item and sent her the web address, I've told her I don't think I'm the best person to order her the item and maybe she should speak to her parents. What can I do? This is getting beyond. 1. She's not safe to be using Facebook- she's going to get into serious trouble one day. 2. My auntie is not approachable regarding this and if i mentioned this to her she would definitely take a grudge against me. However my cousin does not have any friends, activities or work to occupy herself with so when she becomes fixated on something (such as my top) she can harass you for days-weeks despite you explaining things numerous times. I don't think I can put up with constant messages and by phone repeatedly ringing at all hours.
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cousin, facebook, grandmother, text, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (3 May 2015):
 I would block her from viewing your pictures for one. Then I would either block HER number or hide notifications.
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (3 May 2015):
Well I think you’re going to have to block the number so that you can at least be spared phone calls and text messages. If you have Facebook on your phone, disable Messenger notifications so that you’re not constantly disturbed by that too. I’m not sure you can block some-one in the same way. That might sound harsh but this girl has big problems, far bigger than you can deal with. She seems to have absolutely no boundaries or sense of acceptable and unacceptable when it comes to social interaction, and you’re right that this will ultimately put her in danger. I think it’s going to have to come from your parents too if your aunt is going to be persuaded to get her some help. I suggest explaining to them what’s happened and your concerns about her behaviour. Why not try asking them if anything has been done to raise concerns with the aunt and what they think might work? If everyone’s going to wash their hands of it, even if it’s because they’ve tried and failed before, I’m not sure that you alone can fix this. However, this is clearly upsetting you and for that reason they should try to speak to the aunt. They should explain what’s happened, explain that they’re not trying to judge or interfere, but convey how unpleasant this experience has been for you. They need to be very straight with her that this isn’t normal and something must be wrong. If she responds well, great. If she doesn’t, they can at least request of her that she helps stop this campaign of harassment against you, because that’s what it is. I think you first have to share what’s going on with them, and be insistent that something’s got to be done about this to your parents.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, LiveAnnLearn  +, writes (3 May 2015):
 It's an awkward situation I can somewhat relate to myself. Maybe pick an excuse for not buying it for her (such as those you already mentioned: no money, no time, size issue) - and stick to it. Repeat it a 100 times if you have to, calmly but firmly. I hope eventually she'll stop bothering you, but I really see no way for it to stop but to be patient, firm when talking to her, and just wait it out :/
Also, block her from viewing your future posts in order to avoid stuff like this happening again.
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