A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello there, i am in a long distance relationship that is going very very sour.I have fallen in love with a girl i met on holiday we have been going out for about 5 months and i get to see her a couple of times a month due to her work (cabin crew).We have spoken every night on the phone for about 4 months and it has become a bit of a habit, i want to know what she is doing and where is going all the time, which is wrong i know.At first, i was playing really hard to get with her, and not opening up my emotions whilst i was with her, its been a very long time since ive been in a relationship and i wanted the next to work.Anyhows, she becomes really into me, saying she could fall in love so easily with me, that scared me so i finished it, then i realised what i did and took the chance and just went with it.Ever since me opening up over the next few months, she has very gradually started getting cold and kinda not making an effort with emails, txts and phonecalls.So, i arrange a nice little surprise for her and surprise her by turning up where she lives (another country half way around the world).I told her the day before i was coming, because i had too, something popped up with her work. At first she seemed pissed off, then she seemed fine and happy.When i get there we were all over each other for the 1st day then after that, everything just want total tits up for the reminding 10 days, she was cold, blunt, didn't make an effort, i was giving everything i had in terms of affection, but getting nothing back, this affected me so much i felt, unwanted, totally worthless and i started being a little grumpy and showed it.... so i wasn't myself.I have talked about it, and she started avoiding talking about our relationship, she says it pushes her away.I have read numerous signs, sayings and body languages when im with her and none are suggested she is into me anymore.She has completely gone cold and it hurts.After me getting back home, i left it a couple of days to see if she has rang and she hasnt, i email her (no reply) so i phone her shes in a bar, asks me to call her back in 10 minutes, i do ... then her phone is switched off.I am at the absolute end of my tether with this, i just don't know what to do , i don't know what she wants and what makes it harder is i cant get my mind off her and in love.Ive told her how i feel and she looks at me.How do i change her feelings?How do i change mine?What should i do?
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long distance, on holiday Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDeepest thanks...everyone.
My mind is healing pretty well, as each day goes by, it's getting easier.
Just trying to keep busy
:)
P.s
There was another guy in the picture..one she was interested in, as some of you said. But she never cheated.
Bye people.
A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (24 January 2008):
 I'm sorry it didn't work. I know how awful the initial feeling is. Since you cared a lot for her, this leads me to think that you will need time to get over this (granted, that is most often the case). I will give you some advice I wish I had taken sooner after my break up: Go out. Go out on evenings with your friends. You probably won't want to womanize, so instead just have a laugh! Company and laughter is terrific medicine for a broken heart. It has done me a world of good after my relationship collapsed after 2 years, so I have to believe it will do you the world of good.
I offer you a quote from a song I wrote: "When you feel like your done, lift your head up, say your wrong, and hold on" Basically, things may seem bad now, but believe that things will only get better from here on. Good luck to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYup, we spoke, she said she don't feel the same :'(So it's now over... such a shame, i think i tried too hard.Have now learnt.Thanks for your help guys :')
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A
female
reader, earsopen  +, writes (21 January 2008):
 As my saying goes. You can have anything in life you want but love. You can not make someone love you. I'm sure you've already heard long distance don't work and it's true. People need to feel each other's bodies against one another. Something the two of you don't share. I think it's time to call it quits. I know it's hard but move on. Find someone locally. The two of you can still stay friendly.
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A
female
reader, speedcat +, writes (21 January 2008):
well give her space,,sorta make her think your not chasing her around and if shes into you she'll come to you trust me!!! Be strong!!!
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A
female
reader, speedcat +, writes (21 January 2008):
hi,,long distances do make things very difficult,,im sorry this is happening to you! To me it seems that she lost interest and this could be for a variety of reasons, only she knows and only she can give you the answer you need. If I were you I would try to give her space dont call dont email and see if she contacts you. If she doesnt well theres your answer. You may be hurt but youll survive and its better to move on then be hanging on to someone who trully does not wanna be with you. good luck! And if it dont work out youll find that special person when the time is right dont give up!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMaybe she just needs space?
Or
Maybe she is over me?
Should i give her space or just be strong and finish it?
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A
female
reader, Variety +, writes (20 January 2008):
 This might sound harsh but what if she has feelings for someone else? She has you but long-term is hard...especially if you don't generally get to see her. Maybe there is someone she likes where she lives and you turning up there would have ruined her relationship with him. This is just a thought.Even if it is not the case I would be confused as to what she was doing. If I were you I'd try and move on. You need to talk to her. Send her an email and say you will call her at a certain time (whatever time she is usually free) unless you hear from her before then. If she then avoids your call then move on and forget her (it will be hard but at least you don't run the risk of bumping into her on the street or anything). If she does answer the phone you need to talk to her about what happened. But be careful not to sound accusatory or as if you are attacking her (if you want this to work then you need to find out the reasons behind her behaviour and making her defensive is not the way).Hope this helps. Message me if you need to ask anything else/want to talk more. x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2008): Hi, I think you know deep down inside what is going on. You witnessed it when you visited her, she missed you for a moment, then her real feelings came out and she pulled away. She is either out of love with you if she ever was, or she has moved on emotionally. Stop torturing yourself, my thought is why would you want someone who is not into you. It will be hard but you must love yourself first. As time goes on you will get over her, it will take tears and pain, but it is growth. You can do this, face reaity and move on, you will find someone who will care for you and love you for who you are. She's gone or else she was never there. Stop chasing a mirage. Move on and eventually you will be happy again with your life. Good luck always.
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (20 January 2008):
Let me speak as somebody who did this for 2 years. I can't believe how uninterested she seems. It shows no gratitude for the hard work you are putting in to make a difficult (circumstantially) relationship work. But that's just it; In relationships, it takes two to make it work. Probably even more so in long distance relationships.
I think you need to find out what is going on right now. I know you nor she may like the fact that you and getting straight to talking about this serious matter, but if you do this early it will spare your feelings a little. Do you want to think about what she feels, or do you want to KNOW what she feels?
You say she feels pushed away when you try and talk about the relationship, well you can tell her that you take that into account, but must talk to her about how you feel. You can then explain how YOU feel pushed away, and from there I think you just have to ask her if she wants to continue things. If she does, you can then ask her what is bugging her, but if she doesn't, my advice would be to just let go. You've proven that you were willing to work on a difficult (circumstantially) relationship, and are worthy of somebody who will appreciate your strength and loyalty.
So yes, I think the time for you to talk to her is now. Find out if she wants to continue things or not, and take things from there. No matter what the answer is, atleast you can stop torturing yourself in not knowing, and from there take the next step forward. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Devilish Angel +, writes (20 January 2008):
 I really have no idea. I'm in a long distance relationship myself. It takes effort on BOTH sides for it to work. I'm putting myself in her shoes. If my boyfriend wasn't into me at first, then I would be hurt. If he left before we began getting more serious, it would harm our relationship because not seeing him everyday would lessen the bond that we had had when he was still with me. In my opinion, I think that she is interested in another person. She's showing all the signs. I think you should confront her and ask what she wants to do. You can just keep hanging forever. You need to know. I don't think it's weird to want to know where she is and what she's doing. When my boyfriend asks me that, I feel happy that he's concerned.
Maybe she's not ready to commit...
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