A
female
age
41-50,
*emy
writes:What am I to do, when the love is not all there? I do love my husband, but he has done some things that I totaly dissagree with, like hanging out until the next morning with the guys, not answering my calls, not coming home, lieing etc, the list goes on and on. It is to the piont that I don't want to have sex with him. I dont want him touching me, he says that things have changed, and I agree that they have. My thing is, how can he treat me any kind of way and think I'm gonna lay down with him? Please help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, remy +, writes (23 August 2011):
remy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the advice, we talked and we both are to blame and we both want things to work out, so i guess i will c what happens from there.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2011): I think an ultimatum is in order here! what would he be like if you behaved the way he did, just sit him down and tell him your not going to put up with this if he wants to be single then tell you! then give him the divorce papers if he doesnt change his ways
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2011): Are you sure he hasn't been cheating? All the things you describe sound very suspicious.
I think you should hold off on sex in any case because he clearly isn't treating you like a wife or respecting your marraige so why should you be expected to give him the perks of marraige?
He may just get a wake up call when he realises you can play the game too, also do you have nights out with the girls? If not already, get a few friends together and plan a few nights out, maybe even a weekend away. You may feel better once you have some of your own freedom.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2011): do not "lay down with him" anymore. He treats you like crap and disrespects you and disrespects the marriage. Since he is undermining the marriage, why should you give him one of the key benefits of marriage?Realize that if you refuse to have sex with him, he may very well go get it elsewhere. But don't let this be the reason to continue having sex with him because (a) he might still cheat on you anyway or maybe he already has, I mean given everything else he's doing this isn't such a far off possibility. (b) if you're only having sex with someone out of fear of hanging onto what little you think you still have left, you're aiding him in cutting yourself down even further.you stand up for your self and maintain your dignity, and that means not sharing yourself with him when he has proven time and time again that he's not someone you can trust. Then let the cards fall where they may and decide what to do from there.
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A
male
reader, Kyle007 +, writes (21 August 2011):
You need the full details of what happens when he hangs out with the guys until the next morning.
To answer your question of "how he can treat you any kind of way and think I am going to lay down with him?"
Its simple: He is selfish.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2011): You have every right to feel the way you do, and you have to acknowledge that there are some very serious problems in your relationship.you should talk to your husband about how unhappy you are. Be willing to hear his side of the story about how your marriage got to be this way, and try to do so without getting defensive or argumentative. Remember there's 2 people in a marriage, so even if he's more to blame than you are, there is still something to be gained from hearing his side of the story so you can at least understand where he's coming from even if it makes you unhappy. If your communication skills are bad, or if there's a history of a toxic dynamic between you where you can't hear each other without it degenerating, then suggest marriage counseling. If he doesn't want to work on the relationship, or if he claims he does but keeps on undermining you, then you should probably divorce him.
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