A
male
age
36-40,
*rokenManBrokenHeart00
writes:So here it.As I write this my girlfriend is at 35,000ft with the guy she has been cheating on me with on their way to Tenerife.I had been with my girlfriend for almost 7 years.For a couple of months now I had suspected she was cheating and this was confirmed when my friend called me to tell me that he was looking right at her with this other guy. I of course freaked out. Made my way to the destination and sure enough. There she was. I obviously went crazy and there was an exchange of words that wasn't very pleasant but luckily nothing more as my friend was there. Now, like I said, as I writ this, she is on her way on holiday with him for a week. I'm just looking for some help. I've been trawling the Internet looking for help and I stumbled across this website. I know this happens everyday. I'll not be the first. And I'll not be the last. But at this moment in time I am going through it and I feel like I've just been hit by a freight train and it ain't stopping. I know this will pass eventually, but at the moment all I can think about is those two together and it is ripping me apart. I know she doesn't deserve a second thought, but at the end of the day I do love her. And I'm missing her like crazy. I can't just switch my feelings off. I wish I could. But I can't. I'm trying to keep myself busy. Going to the gym. Catching up with friends. But at the end of the day it doesn't take the pain away. Can anyone tell me what the hell do I do?
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male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (11 September 2016):
Ok - in this order:
1 - dump her yesterday. No long talk. Just goodbye.
2 - go to the gym and work on your body
3 - work harder at work and get that promotion
4 - date girls three points over your last gf.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 September 2016):
 Set her e-mail address to go into your spam folder. But before you do that, I'd send her a VERY short e-mail telling her to not contact you again as you want nothing to do with her. That SHE made the choice to cheat, lie and stab you in the back and thus she can go fly a kite. Make it short and sweet with as little emotion as possible.
And my advice? get a new phone number or simply BLOCK her number. You should have to lock yourself away from communicating with OTHER people (like friends, family and co-workers).
I think you will discover down the line that as much as it hurts now... YOU will feel better for having NOT taken her back, NOT listening to her "woe is me".
Chin up.
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (7 September 2016):
 Unfortunately this locomotive stops at every emotional Station; there’s no express route that I know of that’ll get you out of this journey quicker. For now you’re on-board the Heartbreak Express line with freight full of mixed emotions - shock, disbelief, anguish, missing her like crazy, love… When and IF you face her again, or start to remove her belongings there will be angry emotions of her betrayal. Later you’ll experience grief as one does when losing a loved one.
Here there’s a lot of freight that needs to be dispatched at each Station before your return journey to happiness begins. Otherwise you’ll end up with carriages full of bitterness/insecurity and derail your chances of a new (worthy) passenger in life.
For me the emotions of being betrayed are not easily switched off on this train line, as the signal always appears green for it to keep going no matter our distractions to keep busy. Yet with all train lines, they do come to the end of the line.
CAA
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (7 September 2016):
 Yes you should ignore her because had your friend not seen the pair together, she would have kept that secret and you would still be in the dark. You don't have to open the other emails even if you feel tempted. Maybe one day when you are over her you can read them and treat them as a closed chapter in your life. Their trip to Tenerife was planned, it wasn't a drunken mistake so there's no way I can take her apology and there's really nothing to say.
I don't know if they had a fight but maybe she never told him she was still in a relationship. She lost her fling, ruined her vacation, and then you if she didn't try to act sorry enough. Your images of them together may make you jealous but even an asshole can't enjoy the vacation after seeing you confront them two.
One day you will have to turn on your phone because you still have real life to deal with. If you have an iPhone just simply block her. You won't ever know she called and then her messages would be saved in the blocked messages folder. You can only access them if you choose to open them.
Your friend brought you the truth and bad news, but good news is that it would be easy for you to make a decision to not take her back, and that is important for you healing.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (7 September 2016):
 Glad you're feeling better about it mate.
1 day at a time.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 September 2016):
 Well I am glad that it gave you some peace of mind, however the pain will come back, and as long as you are ready to deal with it then carry on as you are. She made her choice and now there is no going back, just make sure you continue to ignore her. She is the one that ruined the relationship not you, and she will be left insecure not you. Glad you are feeling better.
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A
male
reader, BrokenManBrokenHeart00 +, writes (7 September 2016):
BrokenManBrokenHeart00 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo. I'm new to this and I'm not sure how it works? I had thought I had stopped any form of communication from my ex. I switched my phone off. I deactivated my social networking sites. I did everything I could think of. Early afternoon today though I was checking my emails. And lo and behold there was 10. Yes 10 emails from my ex. I admit I read the first 2. But the gist was that she's made a terrible mistake and can we meet when she gets back. I never read the other ones. And I don't know if they have had some sort of fight or something. I am just guessing? But my first thought was.The grass is never greener. The pair of them are welcome to each other and I hope I never see either of them again. I just thought I'd share this with everyone as it has made my day. I have not even bothered to switch my phone on as I can imagine how many text messages and voice messages there is. Thanks everyone for your help. Onwards and upwards. I know the pain will come back. But at the moment I'm feeling quite good about myself.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (7 September 2016):
 Sending you a big HUG as I can hear how much you are hurting. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. It hurts like hell. And sadly nobody can say or do anything which is going to make it any better. Not read the other replies as I am just dashing off to work, but felt I had to just respond.From my own experience, I found that being open about how much it hurt actually helped. My friends did things like playing Gloria Gaynor's song, "I will survive" over and over, and singing and dancing along to it with me, to make me feel capable of getting through the pain. (Not sure you want to do that as a guy, but you get my drift!)You are doing the right thing in keeping busy. Take it a day at a time. One day in the not too distant future you will suddenly realize that you spent 5 minutes not thinking about your ex at all. Then those 5 minute episodes will become more frequent and lengthen in duration. One day you will realize you have not thought about her for hours, or even all day. It is a gradual process. I wish I had words to speed it up for you but I don't think there are any words which can help.Stay strong. You know this horrible gut-wrenching pain will pass eventually. Just ride out the storm. One day you will come out the other end and this episode will just be a part of your past. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (7 September 2016):
 I'm sorry that you are hurting. Many of us on DC have been cheated on, and it just hurts. I've always wished that there was a magic pill that you could take to just erase the pain but sadly there isn't.
BREATHE...take a deep breath and tell yourself the truth..its going to hurt, I'm going to feel bad, and this isn't going to go away over night. You've lost someone precious to you and not only that but you had to find out that they were cheating. Double whammy.
You WILL get through this. Time is the best healer. It doesn't happen overnight but grieve and try to keep yourself as busy as you can. Reach out to friends, family, people that care about you. Do you have one person that will understand if you need to talk about things alot? Some people want to talk and get it all out of their system..some don't. When I got divorced, I had my grandmother to talk to and she just let me talk. Day after day at first, I would talk about him because I was just so hurt (he cheated, got someone else pregnant). She just let me talk, cry, rant and rave...it helped! She never judged, just listened.
Keep yourself busy. Find a new project, join a group, reach out to people that you've sort of lost contact with. Again, give yourself time. Little by little if you let yourself, you will heal. If time goes by and you don't think you are dealing with things, don't be afraid to seek out counselling. Break ups are so hard! Remember this though...there are sweet kind women out there...don't become hardened...let your heart heal but don't close the door.
I wish you all the best, most of us have been there..and its just something that we have to go through at one point or another in life. Perhaps its so that someone more special can come into your life..don't forget that.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (6 September 2016):
 There are no magic words or deeds to be told that can remove your heart ache. You just have to endure it so as the time goes by, you get healed. I've seen men hit the liquor bottle after break ups only to make the misery out of a painful situation, so by keeping busy and productive you will be contributing to yourself. The only thing I always say in situations after a long relationship is that you should be greatful that she didn't do this to you while married because the complications then would be exponentially higher. In time, you will find a girl that will not do this to you.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (6 September 2016):
After a break up in 2012, I also kept myself busy like going to amusement parks and the spa. I lost my appetite and 15 pounds in the span of 2 weeks. Going to bed and waking up were the toughest thing for me. In a half sleep half awake state, I found myself asking for a soul retrieval, when I didn't even know what that term means. You don't have to know the actual mechanics of what happens to you, to your mind, body and spirit. You don't even have to believe in anything metaphysical, but the fact that there is something that looks after you. In a trauma, your heart is broken into pieces and as a survival mechanism part of yourself died and awaits for rebirth, a wholesome self. The heart is meant to be broken so you can open up for new beginnings. Take care.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (6 September 2016):
That's an awful thought mate and I'm sorry to hear it.
You're already doing the right thing though in keeping yourself busy. It's not going to be easy by a long shot, but you're already on the path to recovery in your actions.
As honey pie said, delete and block her in every way possible to stop her from contacting you and you from contacting her. Get rid of everything that is likely to bring back memories or prolong the moving on process.
And it's cliche as fuck, but give it time, take it one step at a time it it will get easier mate, even if it doesn't seem that way right now, it will do and you'll get past it. We always manage, think of other things in your past that you never thought you'd be able to get over but you have done.
Best wishes
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2016): I can't tell you it's not going to hurt your feelings, but if you know she's cheating on you, then that is not right at all. It's disgusting! If it was me, I would handle the situation in a calm manner and call it all off. And confront her about it, without him around!! You deserve much more than to be with somebody who is going to use you and cause you pain. You would think after 7 years she'd want no one except for you, but in some cases that isn't how it goes and I hate to break it to you. If she's done it once, she'll do it again. You can find someone so much better who actually has faith in your relationship and is loyal. I really do hope you can work this out! Wish you well
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 September 2016):
I'm sorry that must be a crappy way to find that out.
A 7 year relationship is not going to leave no trace or no broken emotions when it comes to a point where you find your GF cheating on you.
Time DOES heal. How long it will take you is impossible to say. Each person is different, each relationship is different.
My advice? PACK up everything of hers so you don't have to look at it. BLOCK her and remove her from all social media. So you can't see what she is up to and she can't contact you either.
It's quite possible to love someone but not be able to BE with them. In your case, well she doesn't want to BE with you, and while that hurt, it's something you need to accept.
Keep busy, give yourself some time to grieve the loss of this relationship and person from your life.
One day at the time.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (6 September 2016):
I wish I could tell you that it is not going to hurt, that you are not going to get angry but the truth is you will. You said you have had suspicions, so my guess is that maybe your relationship has not been right for a while, now that does not mean she should have cheated on you, that is never okay, but unfortunately for you she has done. I am glad you have ended things with her. Yes you might think that her and him are away happy with not a care in the world. But I am sure that is not the case, am sure she is hurting as well, but she made the mistake off cheating and lying to you.
It is going to be difficult but you just need to rely on your family and friends for support. They are welcome to each other, it is much better you find out now what she is like than ten years down the line when you are married with children.
Off course you are going to be heartbroken, then you will be angry with the world, but you just need to deal with these emotions and give yourself time. You need to remember that she is the one that has messed it all up not you, you can hold your head up high.
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