A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Help!i recently realized that my boyfriend NEVER compliments me verbally. however, i'm pretty sure he thinks i'm awesome. . . right? or else he wouldn't be with me? what are some ways i can stay feeling confident and sexy without his verbal approval? or is there any way to hint to him that i wish he would compliment more?thanks ! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, MikeEa1  +, writes (13 May 2012):
 I'm just like your boyfriend. He does think you're the most amazing person in the world or he wouldn't be with you. But on the other side you should tell him that you need him to say nice things. It probably wont work but genuine guys aren't fully into the smarmy stuff so appreciate what you've got. There are a lot of guys that go around telling every woman they are the most beautiful woman in the world then have sex with them and then go away. thank god you're not with one of those.
A
male
reader, clutchcargo +, writes (13 May 2012):
 Well here goes. I am not the most confident guy around so I might have the incorrect view. I don't think there is anyone out there that can function happily without out validation from others. It is called strokes and we all need them. "no man is an island" comes to mind.You can have all the self confidence in the world and still need at least an occasional "atta boy". Men like to have there sexual prowess, work skills etc stroked regularly. It seems women especially need to be assured of their attractiveness. Why else would they expose themselves to the potentially devastating answer to the question "do these jeans make me look fat". There are many ways for humans to communicate and the easiest and most direct is done verbally. Thus we need to HEAR it from those we associate with. Getting a raise at work is nice but hearing the boss say "I don't know where I would be without you" is priceless.Sometimes men think that if we are taking our partners out to dinner, providing food clothing and shelter and producing chocolates and flowers on Valentines day we are reassuring them of our appreciation. We are, but it is not enough.All that being said some find it easy to lavish on the praise like rain in a tropical rainforest. Other types ration it out like water on a trip through the Sahara. Deviation from the comfort zone of both types is narrow.Since you seem to be attached to the desert nomad here are my suggestions to you.1. Try to accept any attention you get from your partner like the precious sips from a canteen in parched environment. Try to see the real effort and meaning behind the words and react with gushing appreciation. Make him want to compliment you by letting him see how much you love it when he does.2. Be prepared that he is never going to be the star of any romantic comedies. It is not in his character and leopards don't change their spots. Nagging will only make it worse.3. Look for other ways he may be communicating. Like loyalty, sincere eye to eye contact, spontaneous erections, etc.To sum it up. Consider the ability of your BF to produce what you are looking for and value it like a precious commodity rather than an abundant national resource. I am sure you see many other character traits that he excels at. Revel in these.
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A
female
reader, Basschick +, writes (13 May 2012):
 You just have to love yourself. Be your own best friend and others will feel your positive energy. If your b/f can't see it others certainly will. Also it wouldn't hurt to simply tell him that it's odd how he never says much about your appearance, or notice if you've done something different with your hair. What gives? I'm with a guy like that and it sometimes drives me nuts. Turns out it's deliberate. He's afraid I'll get overconfident and leave him. So he's very stingy with his praise. It may be based on his insecurity.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (12 May 2012):
 You stay feeling confident and sexy by believing that you are. If you know you're beautiful and sexy, you don't *need* to hear it in order to validate you.
That being said, it's a sign of affection to hear it, and it feels really good when you do. This guy may not have grown up in an environment that lends itself to a lot of praise. I'm sure he feels that way towards you, but is not used to it being said a lot. Some people are not comfortable with the giving and receiving of compliments as well.
I wouldn't hint to him. I'd tell him how you feel, that it makes you feel good when he says good things about you, or tells you you're beautiful or amazing or whatever. You ask for what you want. It's a need you have, much like a sexual need.
Bottom line, you don't need his approval or compliments to feel good about yourself, and you need no outside validation that you know you're sexy. However, it feels good to hear it, and you love to hear him say it.
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