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What are his intentions? ignores me for several weeks, then sends a text.

Tagged as: Crushes, Dating, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (6 February 2013) 7 Answers - (Newest, 8 February 2013)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I dated this very good looking man for about 6 weeks. He texted me as soon as he woke up every day and we saw each other once or twice a week. Then we had a fight because I got jealous over his female friends and he put me in my place by clarifying we are not in a relationship, we are just dating. I accepted that but didn't appreciate his attitude, so I texted him saying we are better off as friends. To my surprise, he called me and literally BEGGED me to give him another chance. So I did and we proceeded forth for another couple of weeks... until he got upset with me bc I wouldn't come and pick him up before a hurricane...to saved him 70 bucks on a cab. I told him I wasn't going to roll the red carpet out for him.

He didn't even tell me that he wanted to stop seeing me; he just ignored me for several weeks! Like 5-6 weeks later he texted me out of the blue. Then a few weeks after that, I texted him and then he asked me out for the weekend.

It was Tuesday and he made a date for Friday. He said I was welcome to spend the night, as "going all the way home can be a pain at night." At first I said no, I didn’t need to spend the night. So that Fri after work We saw a movie and then I asked him if I could sleep over and he said unfortunately, he had to meet up with his co-workers uptown to discuss work stuff.

After our movie date, he didn't ask me out again for another month!! Yesterday he texted me and made plans for Fri night to finally come out to my place in the suburbs. He never did that when we were dating BTW. That was another issue between us. So he's like "I finally kept my word... eventually."

I asked him: "so what prompted this? Does your room mate need you out of the apartment Fri night or something?"

He said: "lol no, I don't know, we just haven't spent any quality time together in a long time and I figured I'd finally be a big boy and actually come visit like I always said I would do."

But he hasn't been texting me again as regularly as he did when we were seeing each other, so I doubt if he wants to get back to that. So it seems like he just wants to get lucky but we don't even have sex because I'm a virgin.

We just play a little and he does more to me than I do to him. He's a REALLY good looking man living in a city where the ratio of women to men is 7:1!! Surely he can do better than planning a hand job 3 days in advance??

View related questions: co-worker, hand-job, jealous, roommate, text

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (8 February 2013):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntSometimes, I wish I were a "very good looking man".... so that I could experience what it's like to have a woman like you fawning all over me and putting up with my shenanigans (a form of disinterest).... and not "calling me" on it....

I'd be astounded if you couldn't find AT LEAST 5 guys who are a LOT more interested in you - and willing to show it - than this character....

Good luck.....

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A female reader, sarcy24 United Kingdom +, writes (7 February 2013):

sarcy24 agony auntI actually think that you are playing quite a good game if you actually want him as you are appearing quite disinterested so he has to chase you. He obviously knows he is agood looking and probably plays the field but he is definitely interested in you. I am impressed that you carry on doing what you are doing and don't drop everything for him and this non availability probably keeps him interested. Don't sleep with him. I went out with a simialr guy many years ago who would call me every 3 months or so just when I had forgotten him and want to go out. I used to get so upset about it as I really liked him but I never let it show. I would say things like 'oh it's you again' and sometimes be available or sometimes not. He had the habit of also standing me up or keeping me waiting for hours in the cold - more fool me! Anyway this went on for years and one day I was due to meet him and i just blew him off. He went mental and apprently threw his desk phone out through the window. As soon as I stopped being interested he chased me all the time. Personally I think your man friend is quite keen and if you want to keep this going just carry on as you are. You sound like a wonderfully strong woman and I am going to take some tips from you!

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A female reader, Daisy_Daisy United Kingdom +, writes (7 February 2013):

Daisy_Daisy agony auntI agree with CindyCares, he does "do better" than planning the occasional hand job with you. I'm sure he's dating several women.

Question is, why aren't you doing better than this guy? Good looks don't make up for silences of 4-6 weeks or the chance to date someone (else) exclusively.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2013):

I will have to agree to the guys answer he is just trying to get in your pants and doesnt want to do anything else with you but that. Men are jerks. Never trust a man. They only think of themselfs.

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A female reader, Denise32 United States +, writes (6 February 2013):

Denise32 agony aunt"He put you in your place by clarifying we are not in relationship, just dating."

Not only that, he goes weeks without contacting you.

So, there's your answer. What more do you need??

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (6 February 2013):

CindyCares agony aunt Probably he DOES better already, so nothing wrong with a nice, virginal hand job once in a while. It may even make for a restful change of pace.

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A male reader, CMMP United States +, writes (6 February 2013):

7 to 1? Where is this? I'm moving there if I get a divorce.

He probably hopes you'll give it up. If he was interested in a relationship he'd be trying a lot harder. I'm sure he's seeing other people and when nothing works out for the weekend he calls you.

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