A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:A friend of mine was going through hell as his wife had gone off with another man, leaving him a note. He hit the drink and after a week moved into a new place he kept on drinking I stepped up and saved him and his job, Things moved on and we became more than friends going on holidays etc then 11 months on he got a call to say she had cancer which her sister says no she didn't that she came off the drink and tablets that’s all so I asked and was told she had cancer, I was in the house when he said he was going over to see her then an hour later he text me to get out of the house she was coming back with him and leave the key under the mat.I didn’t as I taught it was a joke but no it wasn't a big fight in which I left we made up a few weeks later he moved back to her she’s been off the drink a year and has many affairs on which he has walked in on her many times over the years. they moved into a new house she wrote him a letter in which I saw saying it was the drink that made her do it and that she would never hurt him again, we had a great bff going and did everything together meet every day went off when we could get on great have a great laugh.Then I got text from his wife's phone call.She came up to me at work she called me names etc, then I made a mistake on calling him and he eat the face off me on the phone saying I told you never to call me I hung up on him the she started to text me again , since that he has blanked me even though we had plans to move over to Spain in a few years , I miss him so much and wonder shall I wright to him and say sorry for my wrong in this one day he was all with me next it seems he hates me...
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (7 February 2013):
 oh honey how sad.
no don't write him.
in fact, you need to let him go totally.
he was married to someone and while you tried to help you got too embroiled in a situation with a legally married man who has a wife with addiction/alcohol issues.
Clearly he is co-dependent with her... and as a co-dependent personality when she (the love of his life no matter how dysfunctional it is) left him he needed to transfer his need to be co-dependent onto someone... you came along and filled that slot for him.
it's hard and it's sad that this happened... you acted in good faith out of caring for him... he probably does care for you but his wife is his wife and no matter what he clearly loves her and wants her addictions and all.
Sadly I can understand both sides of this.... I love my addict/alcoholic husband... I would never leave him... if he left me, I'd be lost a bit and I might allow someone to fill the void.... but if he came back, I'd probably go back to him.... it's not rational... it's not sane... but love never truly is.
A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (7 February 2013):
 Hi, you got a bum deal. As much as you did all those lovely things for him, he has always been in love with his wife.
Yeah its harsh but move on and dont call or see him ever again. His wife will not change hers ways and he will come back grovelling. But you need to be strong, why should you apologise to him for loving him, helping him only to be discarded like yesterday's garbage just because him wife came back.
Dont do that to yourself and he is not even worth your tears. You will move on and you will find peace and happiness just not with him. Silence is your best punishment for him, because sooner or later he will regret the ass he was to you but you would have moved on to someone better.
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A
female
reader, Ilha  +, writes (7 February 2013):
Dear OP,This is really a very complicated situation. I empathize with what you are going through. 1. I infer from your post that he is still married to her, therefore, he is legally her partner, you are the other woman. If I am wrong, please do correct me.2. You need to stop 'rescuing' him and being there whenever he needs you because he may be using you only. My suggestion would be to meet up with him to discuss the direction of your relationship with him. He may be having a difficult time too because he may feel sorry for his partner, if she really has cancer. 3. The hardest action to take is to let go. I know you have invested 11 months of your life to this married man. I am sure you knew his marital status when you were involved with him. You were there when he needed someone. Now, he is fine and happy, with the knowledge that his wife wants him back too.4. You deserve better my dear. Talk it out with him, make a decision and stick to that. If he really loves you, he would not have ask you to move out of the house or blank you out. But he may alshave done that due to other circumstances that only he knows. 5. Get on with your plans with or without him in it. You should never be second choice to anyone. You know your worth. Any man would be lucky to have you as a partner, a caring, loving and wonderful person. Good luck!!!
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