A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi Dear Cupid.I have been in a relationship for three and a half years and my partner split up with me once more and said we are done and that we can still be friends....does friends work?We still live together, are sleeping separately and it’s killing me.He says one of us needs to move out, which will be me as I have family I can move back in with. I am still deeply in love with my partner but he has told me he doesn’t love me the same and only as a friend...Should I continue to live with him, renting and live separate lives or should I move out and start fresh? He thinks that me moving out will be a good thing as then I won’t be confused with what we are...I just don’t have the will power to move out....he has offered to help me move out and I have cancelled the Internet and renters insurance I was paying for (no point keeping if I’m not living there)Kind regards JessThank you for all advice
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (2 May 2018):
 I honestly don't think meeting him for dinner or hanging out with him is the smartest thing to do at the moment. He has just ended the relationship, you need time alone to process this and to heal. Hanging around with him is just going to make it harder and a longer process for you. Please do not allow him to talk you in to having sex. You need to remember you still love him but he doesn't feel the same.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2018): When a guy says he doesn't love you but still wants to be friends it means he still wants to have sex with you but with no strings attached.
He knows you're still hung up on him and he very likely intends to use that to his advantage. I'd be shocked if his plan isn't to take you out to dinner, ply you with alcohol, invite you back to his place and sweet talk you into bed.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (28 April 2018):
 Nope, you need to stop all contact.
He can’t tell you it’s over then start inviting you out for dinner. You need to be strong here, tell him no as HE has ended things. Any further contact is just clouding your thoughts and unfair. It’s effectively playing with your emotions and if you’re accepting his offers then you’re enabling it.
I understand you don’t want to let go but you have to. Holding on only prolongs the pain.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (27 April 2018):
 Good for you!
But DO consider ending all contact until YOU are healed and over him. He is obviously over you.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 April 2018):
 No, you should not.
Even assuming that his invitations to hang out only stem from the purest, selfless reason of valuing deeply your friendship and wanting to be nice to you ( and not by the vague idea , on the back of his mind, that he can keep you hooked, there on the back burner, but still always available - just in case ).
Still, this is not the way to go. You can't be " friends " with him, friendship is about transparence, sincerity- and being on an equal foot feeling-wise
How can you be " friend " of someone whom you are still head over heels for ? You do not like him/ love him as a friend, but as a lover. So all this camaraderie and companionship would be a bit of a sham ; it would feel awkward at best... and it would be also be motivated, deep down, by your wish to hang in there because one never knows ...and maybe... in time... if he should change his mind.... I am sure that you are not deprived of video games , and of people you can play them with- if you go visit him is not because you have a burning desire for video games, or because he is the best gamer ever, but because you want to see HIM. It would not be about the recreational activity, or the companionship, or the conversation- it would be because you want to see HIM, be around HIM. If you can't be with him as a gf, - you'll take a few crumbs of " happiness " and you'll see him as a visitor.
That would be very very painful, after a while, I imagine. Why do you want to inflict yourself this kind of pain ? Are you a masochist ?
Look, if you WANT to move on, - you just have got to move on, and away from him, also physically. You have to try and detach yourself any possible way, and this also includes doing without the cozy little dinners and the chummy outings. I don't mean forever. For a while. Maybe , once you have moved on, maybe met someone else or just found your peace in being single, you can be friends again and spend time together again. But not while you have strong romantic leanings.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2018): Hello everyone.
I moved out today.
He has said I can still come over and see him for a chat or to video game.
Not sure if I should though.
Going out for dinner with him tonight.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (27 April 2018):
Move out ASAP.
You’re only prolonging your healing by staying. He has clearly told you it’s over and in no uncertain terms does it sound like he’s confused about how he feels. It’s shitty, but the sooner you’re apart, the sooner you can begin moving on from the situation.
You have no chance whilst seeing each other everyday.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (27 April 2018):
 I am sure that, at some time, you will have had a plaster on a part of your body to protect a cut or graze. When it came to pulling off the plaster, do you remember how much it hurt? There are two ways to remove plasters: quickly or slowly. Pulling it off quickly results in a very intense sudden pain but this passes quite quickly. Pulling it off slowly results in much lower grade pain but for much much longer.
Your situation is similar to this. You have two options: stay and keep feeling pain because, for your boyfriend, this relationship is over, or be brave, move out and start healing so you can find someone who wants to be with you.
You are lucky in that you have family you can move back to. Do it THIS WEEK-END. Don't procrastinate any longer. You are only hurting yourself by staying.
And no, I really don't believe you can stay "friends" when you have different agendas. In time it may be possible to reconnect as friends, when you have both moved on. For the time being, this would be very detrimental to you as you would still be holding out hope for more.
Hugs. It's never easy but this pain will pass if you allow yourself to move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2018): Hello Jess
You'll be fine.
Move out, move on and (please get this) do not go back. If he ever makes any overtures at any time to get you back (and scrap friendship, he just wants to keep you as his little puppet)... Could be days, weeks or months, maybe years, DO NOT GO BACK. he says that he doesn't Love you (remember this) and so he is the one without Love - not you. Save your Love for yourself and always keep that Love close.
To give Love to a man who doesn't except that Love of yours is his loss!
You owe him nothing (how can you, he doesn't want what you have to give).
I hope you restore your precious heart and that the Love you feel for him atm (it'll go) you should internalise it and keep that inside coz he doesn't want your lovely Love.
Sooo , it's all yours!
Yeyyyyy!
Love from Z
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 April 2018):
Aww, OP
Move out and move on.
You can't clap with one hand and you can't have a relationship with someone who NO LONGER wants to be with you.
Friendship is not realistic. You have feelings for him, he doesn't. Which means he MIGHT start looking for a new GF and you would have to pretend not to get hurt (in order to be a good friend). Also staying friends will prevent you from moving on.
So move out. CUT all contact. Remove, delete and block.
You need to start fresh.
You CAN'T MAKE him want to be with you by staying.
Chin up, this too shall pass.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2018): Aw sweetie move out. He’s done and you’re limiting your options by staying. The longer you hang on the longer the grief/recovery period.
It’s over. Time to start the grieving process.
Chin up
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A
male
reader, TylerSage +, writes (27 April 2018):
 You can't heal in the same place you got hurt. You said it's killing you, you must be in a world-wind of emotions right now.
I'm getting the impression you haven't vented your frustration with him. Her sounds like a bit of an a-hole. I feel like when he revealed all of this you you were probably calm about it. I think if you let him HAVE IT it will be ten times easier to move out without even having to think twice about it.
You're holding onto this place physically and emotionally. Once you let go of your true feelings, you can let go of where you are living.
At least that's what I think.
All the best.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (26 April 2018):
Hi Jess,
The kindest thing that you can do for yourself is move out. It is only prolonging the pain living together. You still love him and you can't go from being in a relationship and in love to being platonic friends when you still have deep feelings for him. It will be difficult to move out yes of course, but in the long run it will be much easier for you to get over the relationship.
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