A
female
age
30-35,
*_Mae93
writes:So i started talking to this guy that i met on facebook. i really really like him, we have only been talking for a week and he's already saying he's in love with me. i had a really bad break up with my daughters father and it took forever for me to get over him. My problem that i have is give and receive, i don't know how to give. all my relationships ive been cheated on. lied to and everything else. the guy that i'm talking has everything that ive been looking for in a guy since the break up with my daughters father. Its not possible to be in love with someone that you have never met and you have only been talking to them for a week, right? He accepts that i have a daughter. and he doesn't mind it at all. he says hes in love with me but i don't quit feel that way yet. he tells me things that i have never heard from any guy ive ever dated. we are suppose to meet for the first time friday and i am extremely scared! For one i am very very shy. and what happens if i meet him and i don't like him like i think i do? my friends and family are telling me to give him a chance because he could be the "one". really needing some help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2013): Oh wow...another one of "those" guys...well, I hope you are not setting your expectations very high and all of your family and friends, as well as yourself need to get a clue.Facebook and looking for a relationship should NOT be intertwined. There are dating sites for that.Be careful and don't be surprised if you don't actually meet up...you might, but if this guy is telling you he loves you after a week and you have not even met him in person yet....HUGE red flag.You are lonely and getting wrapped up in a fantasy...words on a computer screen...not in real life emotions, connecting and face to face. This guy could be anyone and say anything you want to hear...and more than likely if he is professing his love after a week? LOL He's saying the same thing to a bunch of other complete stranger women he's "friended" on facebook.I hope I am wrong, I really do...but there is so much of this going on...just watch or read the news...people are getting scammed and duped all the time. Our modern technology is backfiring and people need to get back to reality and meeting people with a little bit more common sense and a lot less dependency and this new comfort zone called the computer.......
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 February 2013):
 NO ONE can be in love after a week of being with a person much less just talking to them online...
I'd be very very very cautious about getting involved with a guy who is willing to say I love you to a stranger (and honey that's what you are essentially until you meet)
and even if you do meet him, you would want to take this very very VERY slowly... do not allow him near your daughter any time soon...
if you are local... meet him... start spending time with him... NOT sex... DO NOT have sex with him.... it will cloud your judgment...
do not tell him he does not or cannot love you... he will argue the point.
but be aware that every man I've ever known who said I love you early on had major self-esteem issues and was not worth the time or effort..... even if i put lots of time and effort into it.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (7 February 2013):
 "Its not possible to be in love with someone that you have never met and you have only been talking to them for a week, right?"
RIGHT. There is NO WAY you can be in love with someone after a week, especially if you have never met. Even people that have met, seen each other every day for a week - you still couldnt be in love after that! It takes months to properly fall in love, you need to get to know that person inside and out, feel those butterflies in your tummy when he looks into your eyes, feel that overwhelming physical attraction towards him, feel that spark when he touches you....all of that and more builds into love, and the only way you are going to experience that is by going on a number of dates, spending time together nd enjoying each other's company.
He can only 'like' you at the moment, and if he thinks this is love then he probably doesnt know what love is and is very confused.
I'd be wary of someone who rushes relationships like this, he is too keen, too over the top and may well turn out to be someone who is clingy, needy and possesive.
However saying that, it doesnt mean you shouldnt meet up with him. As long as your friends and family know where you are going and what time to expect you back (always be safe with people you meet online), then there is no harm in meeting up and seeing how it goes face to face.
I'd tell him if I were you that he is making you feel uncomfortable by saying 'I love you' after only a week, explain that you want to take it slow after a bad break up and you would appreciate it if he didnt say that for a while until you have gotten to know each other better.
If he is a nice, caring and understanding guy he wont get upset by this and will respect your feelings. If he does get upset and makes an issue out of it, well he will be showing you his true colours.
Go on the date, see what happens and dont have any expectations - dont put pressure on yourself. Its fine if you dont feel that spark when you meet up, it is normal that when you talk to people online it is often different when you meet up in real life. So dont force yourself to feel something that isnt there, you are approaching this in a perfectly normal manner and he is the one that is going WAY too fast.
But make sure you ask him to slow it down before you go on the date, he isnt doing himself any favours by rushing and you need to tell him to slow down and go at a pace you feel more comfortable with.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 February 2013):
 Exactly, you can't be in love with someone you have never met and you have started talking to few days before. At most, you maybe in love with the mental image that you have created yourself about that person, whom you don't really know anything about - in other words, you have chosen a person to project over her your wishes,lomgings, fantasies etc., without considering that for all you know the person may be quite different. That may be endearingly romantic, -or dangerously immature and self centered, according how you want to see it. Anyway, it has got nothing to do with reality.
OR, it may be a tad worse, seen that the Net is a big huge sea where all kinds of fish swim, including real sharks. I.e. : it may be a guy that knows how to tell you exactly what you are longing to hear , and he's saying it without meaning a iota, to get your defenses down , use you, then merrily move to the next love -starved , gullible target.
Common sense , and the middle way, is always a great help.
No need to be paranoid, and no need to fall hook line and sinker for a week of cheesy words. You've got a daughter and you've got to be prudent and discriminating in your choices.
That does not mean that you cannot go on a few dates date, keep your eyes well open, decide if , beyond his gift for words, he is someone you can have a relationship with, and in the affirmative, still proceed with caution. Slowly. Making sure that the big love declarations are backed up, and confirmed, by a caring, loving, respectful, CONSISTENT ( so, in a significant arch of time ) behaviour.
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