A
male
age
30-35,
*triker345
writes:I need help..Ive been talking to this girl for about almost 8 months and we havent had sex yet. She telling me to wait and I'll ask for it when i want too. Im really into this girl, always bring her out, pay, buy surprise gifts and love talking to her. I havent really pressured her on this at all. The only sexual thing we do is kiss and cuddle. I just feel like it would make our bond stronger but her keep saying maybe, soon, I'll tell you when i want it..ugh idk. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2015): You said she has had partners before. Probably the reason this time she's not going to have sex; until she feels there's something more meaningful going on. Sounds like she has learned a few things about men along the way.
You were almost implying you were being used. If you feel that way, you can always take a walk. Women should never have sex in exchange for gifts, shopping sprees, and being taken out to dinner. That earns them the reputation of a "gold-digger;" and you the the reputation of a "john," or a "sugar-daddy."
You know what to do if you feel you're wasting your time.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 July 2015):
 OP thanks for the follow up "I guess I won't bring it up anymore" sounds like a great idea.
She KNOWS you want sex. there is no need to keep reminding her about it.
If you stop talking about it and start just enjoying her on the level she's ready to enjoy with you... (since you seem to enjoy her as you have said) I bet it will progress sooner.
good things come to those who wait....
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A
male
reader, striker345 +, writes (8 July 2015):
striker345 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry about that.. She's 20 and we are in a relationship. She has had partners before. Im not saying she OWE me sex. Im just really into her and love doing these things for her. I never done that with other partners before on that level at least.
So yea guess i wont bring up to her anymore.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 July 2015):
 Dear OP, PLEASE read WiseOwlE advice.
Buying her stuff, taking her out doesn't mean she OWES you sex.
If you feel that she should show gratitude by "repaying" you in sex, you need to re-think your approach. Stop buying her things. SERIOUSLY. I bet you she feels pressured by these "gifts with a string", but doesn't want to decline them as she doesn't want to upset you either.
If this girl is your GF and you two have DTR's (defined the relationship) and are exclusive then relax, enjoy getting to know the PERSON you are with.
My guess is she either hasn't had sex before and just isn't ready, or she feels a little unsure of your commitment to her.
You SAY you haven't pressured her, but you have.
She isn't ready for sex, so you have two choices - wait PATIENTLY or... walk away.
BTW how old is she?
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A
female
reader, Kendle  +, writes (8 July 2015):
 I agree with Tisha-1. It sounds to me like you have been pressuring her, even if you don't mean to. I would be put off if a guy kept asking me to have sex with them when I'd told them I wanted to wait. In fact, it would make me feel less comfortable about having sex with them and I would take things slower than I might have done had they not pressured me. Just because you take her out and pay for things or buy her surprise gifts does not give you the right to have sex with her. She doesn't owe you anything if you do this of your own free will. in actual fact, some girls find this kind of behaviour from men insulting, particularly if they think they are doing thing because they expect something in return. She needs to feel comfortable with, attracted to and able to trust you before she can have sex with you. Try and works on these areas instead if seeing what your money can buy you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2015): If you don't want to come across as an assh*le to your girlfriend, and those of us reading your post; never throw it up in her face about what you've done for her. As though you're expecting her to give-it-up in gratitude for your generosity.
Has it even occurred to you that she doesn't feel you're emotionally-committed enough, or serious enough, to deserve sex?
Unless you're dating a prostitute, you had better change your perspective about that. Everything you said about how you care for her was totally erased; when you tallied-up what you've invested toward getting sex. You don't get to cash-in or get sex; as reward for your gifts, taking her out, or paying. You should pay, if you ask her out. If you give her things she didn't ask for, she assumes they're gifts because you're being sweet. Not making a deposit towards sex. On second thought, she may see it for what it is.
When she feels you're serious enough, and have invested enough "emotionally"; perhaps she may feel you are worthy of taking it to the next level. She apparently doesn't feel it's time. Either be patient and continue waiting, until you actually love her; or you can move on, and go find a woman who puts out for a dinner and a movie. She's definitely not that type.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (7 July 2015):
 I think "we've been talking" is the new version of dating for the 20-somethings, jls022. It's kind of like, if you put in enough hours devoting yourself to getting to know a woman, then she owes you the courtesy of having sex with you, whether or not you have actually decided to commit to a monogamous relationship.
OP, how about making your bond stronger by making her your girlfriend? Stop spending so much money on her and spend time with her instead. You've spent enough. And P.S. just because you spend $10 or $1000 on her without her asking you, doesn't mean she owes you sex. Put your wallet back in your pants and let her pay for a while. If she's very broke then don't expect a lot but if she has a job and can pay for herself and you, let her do it.
You are working too hard to impress her and it may be she's just into the material stuff and doesn't actually like you that way. Let her demonstrate to you that she wants you even if you don't have your wallet with you.
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A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (7 July 2015):
What do you mean when you say you've 'been talking'? Are you in a relationship with her? If so is it exclusive?
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