A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have known my boyfriend for 5 years and we have always been very good friends. He liked me a lot for around the last 2 years and although I thought about him a lot and cared for him greatly my feelings were mainly platonic. He confessed his love for me around Christmas time and I turned him down, which basically ended our friendship. Around Easter he got involved with someone else and I was astounded by the amount this effected me (it basically took oher my life and was all I could think about) After feeling like this I told him and assumed I must if liked him more than a friend. He eventually broke up with his girlfriend and we have been together for just under a month. I am now afraid I made a horrendous mistake and I do not truly want to be with him. What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2015): In reply to the last comment:It's nice to know someone else is in the same position. You are exactly right, I am also unsure whether this is just fear of commitment because I honestly do think about him none stop. Let me know how you're situation changes!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2015): I agree with WiseOwl. What you are feeling for this guy isn't love or affection - it is just the need to be 'wanted' and now you have him you are losing interest.Unfortunately I think this happens quite a lot to both men and women. I don't think it is an age thing either - but possession - as I have been in your position recently and I am a lot older than you. I had the attention of a guy who was relatively good looking - but I didn't really fancy him that much - until he tried going after my friend instead and then I couldn't stop thinking about him.You need to work on your need to possess. Next time ask yourself do you really want this guy or do you just need to give your ego a boost?"I want what I can't have" is quite common in life - and is ok over material things - but when it involves peoples lives - you're best moving on and finding someone that you actually want to be in a relationship with. So I would just explain to him you've maybe made a mistake and let him go now - sooner rather than later. He might get annoyed - but better to end it now than 6 months down the line.Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2015): You are not being very nice to the boy. You just want his attention; but you don't want him to find anyone else. Now you claim you think you made a mistake? That is no way to treat a person. You were only jealous and resentful that he turned his attention elsewhere.
You don't possess people like property. Holding possession over someone's feelings to keep them from finding someone else is not a good way to develop your dating skills.
Apologize to him and be honest. That may save your friendship. Don't count on it. He will probably hurt a little, but at 16 or 17; he'll get over it sooner than you may think. Just don't have second thoughts the minute he takes interest in another girl.
You are very young and you are just beginning to learn about relationships. You don't quite know any better; but you do know how you would want to be treated.
If it was he who wrote the post, I would have told him to move on and let you go. Not even keep you as a friend. I think that's what he'll do anyway. You have to learn by your mistakes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2015): Well this is completely interesting because I am in the exact some position as you, literally the same thing (he told me he liked me at Christmas and I turned him down and then he got a girlfriend at Easter and I got jealous and recently he broke up with his girlfriend now I'm wondering if my feelings are genuine) this is actually kind of spooky I don't really have much advice except maybe your just protective over him because of your friendship and seeing him with another girl made you want that kind of relationship with someone (not necessarily him) but since you knew you liked him and you got on with him it seemed like a good idea or maybe you just needed the push to see him in another light and your feelings are now just you being afraid of commitment. At the end of the day nobody on this sight can tell you what you're feeling but if your sure there's no spark break it up just make sure it's not just cold feet. Please update though because I need to know also what to do!
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