A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a white female who has been dating an asian guy for 5 years since I was 16, we met in college and I love him very much. However he still has not told his parents about me I always ask and he says he will tell them but he still hasnt, and im afraid he is ashamed of me what shall I do as love him to bits? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (25 September 2007):
 No matter what culture you belong to, if you love someone, you have to give her the treatment she deserves. Five years is a long time. I wonder if his family really doesn't know about you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2007): I don't think he is ashamed of you at all, broaching the subject about having a relationship with someone outside your culture to your parents is a difficult and touchy task - admittidly he has taken longer than most.
I think you need to approach him about his reasons for not telling them yet. I think fear of being dissmissed from the family plays a part in it but in this day and age you would expect the world to be more accepting. He has probably worked this into such a big deal in his head that he just cant do it.
I think this guy needs a push, tell him you have been a secret for long enough and you want to beable to enjoy being a part of his family life - he has been involved in yours hasnt he?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2007): I am white too and I used to date an asian guy. I loved him alot, but as a friend. We started off as friends and he told me that he did not like asian women only white girls. I mean he was like totally american. Anyways his parents wanted him to date an asian girl. They did not like white people. And they were really strict and probably mean. One time they came into the city and he told me they were coming but did not invite me up to see them. He said he would call when they left. I understood though because it is not that he wasn't proud of me or crazy about me. He was. It's just that his parents were really judgmental and would have probably been not at all happy to meet me. I think he was just trying to protect me and also not be embarrassed. And not to mention the cultural difference. I am totally friendly and casual and they probably aren't. They would have probably been talking in chinese right in front of me asking him what the hell he is doing with me.
I wouldn't take it personally if I were you because asians can be really strict and mean. They are very culturally bound to each other and are not at all fond of westerners. His parents are probably not at all happy about him dating a white girl and he is probably trying to protect you. I know this for a fact. He is NOT ashamed of you. Trust me on this.
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (25 September 2007):
 Ask him. We could get so many answers if we'd only open our mouths and ask the questions we want to know. All though it's important to have good relationships with family, in this case, he needs to set that aside. His family hasn't dated you for five years, he has. All though we have children who sometimes don't make the choices we would like them to. We still have to allow them to live their lives and sometimes take consequences for their choices. All though they may not agree, isn't the main thing we want for our kids is for them to be happy. If he's happy being with you and having this relationship he needs to introduce you to his family, not because they may not have the reaction he is hoping for, but because he's proud and is lucky to be in love with you.
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A
female
reader, misscandy +, writes (25 September 2007):
It seems like he loves you but he is very afraid of annoying his family, being an asian, they might want him to date someone with the same culture. Coming from an asian family myself I can understand his pressure but he can not hide you for so long. Talk to him properly and try to give him time to do it, tell him it bothers you and see what he is willing to do. You can probably tell from his actions. Good luck :)
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