A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 15 and went on holiday a couple of weeks ago for 4 days, whilst away I met a boy who was also 15 and lives 10 minutes away from me. We both hit it off and spent the last night just cuddling etc.However I am a total good girl, never smoke, drink, drugs, care about school etc, whereas he does drugs, smokes and drinks constantly. My parents dont like him because of this and i dont either, however he is really sweet to me and makes me laugh but I don't think this is enough to go out with him. We met up a couple days ago and it was great however I am also scared of his friends and his family are very messed up.I think I just want a relationship, not him but I don't know. He has said he will change but hasn't even tried yet. He has asked me out many times and has said that he loves me but I've told him that I can't date him, not allowed to and I don't like the stuff he's into plus we are too different.What do I do? Should I date him or not?thank you.
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female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (29 May 2008):
 dont feel bad hunnie that he has told you a truth when it has been a lie until you can see he has changed can you actually trust him..dont feel guilty.. you cant help what you want and its not much..just hes got problems and he needs to sort them you cant make him sort it..and yeah oposites can attract but that doesnt mean he has to drink and do drugs an you put up with it..dont feel bad hunnie you cant help how you feel for him but it doesnt mean you have to be their with him..ide just say look i only want to be friends and no more, i dont want drugs and drink in my life, their both bad for you and i dont want to see you doing ill health to your body.. that my opinion hope it helps aphex
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008): Aw. Don't feel guilty. It's not your fault. Don't feel guilted into a relationship because it'll never feel right if you do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all of you - i didnt think anyone would reply so fast! :)I have told him that , 'i am a total good girl' and he knows i am, but he just keeps saying that opposites attract etc. I'v told him all the problems about dating him but he just keeps saying that we could make it work and that he is gonna change. I just dont know if i can believe him.I really really enjoy talking to him and before he asked me out he would phone every night and we would just talk for hours untill one of us fell asleep. but at that time he had told me that he'd stopped doing drugs.then last weekend when he phoned he sounded really weird so because he was drunk as well, he blurted out that he had done drugs and hadnt stopped. so now i dont think i can trust him.I wouldnt mind just being friends with him, but iv told him this at least 3 times but whenever i do he seems to stop talking to me, and then asks a week later. It makes me feel really terrible because all he keeps saying is how much he likes me etc and then when i say i cant date him he tells this boy that we both know who then tells me. That makes me feel soo bad.xxxxx
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female
reader, xlittleredcutiex +, writes (29 May 2008):
No please don't,be better for you in the long run if you dont start a relationship with this boy.I was totally against any form of drugs and was against smoking and hardly drank anything. I was 14 when i got with a boy who smoked weed and had been in a young offenders centre but i didnt know this at the start cos he didnt tell me.i fell in love with him and my opinions changed on everything was with him for nearly 3 years and in that time he turned to dealing coke.At the start he said he would change but over time (cos he didnt,i accepted the behaviour) and i actually took drugs.I've only just managed to get him outta of my life. Please think of yourself and how it will affect you,feel as though if i hadnt got involved with my lad i would be so much more confident. If you go through with it and go for a relationship with him your experience might be totally different but be really careful,as it might change your opinions on everything seeing he is so different from you.Sorry for the longish post but thought i might be of a help if i told the situation that i was once in.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008): Let me tell you a story. Forgive me if its going to be a little long. When I was 27 years old, I met a guy who was very different than I was. I was working a good job with an investment banking firm... never smoked, barely drank, never got into trouble with the law, no kids (never had been pregnant) etc.He, on the other hand, was an ex-con, former drug addict (I thought) who chain smoked with like 10 kids (no exaggeration), and no job whatsoever. For some godsaken reason I couldn't tell you about, I fell head over heels for him, moved him into my place. I thought I could help him, change him, make him into a respectable guy. What happened was that I didn't bring him up, he brought me down. He started using drugs again, jacked up my credit completely, left me thousands of dollars worth of debt that took 9 years to finally pay off, robbed from me, got me pregnant (although I did miscarry... which was good, frankly, since he made it clear he wasn't going to be much a father because "he didn't want anymore kids") and now i have a pack a day smoking habit I'm trying to ween myself from. Oh yeah, and I can drink like a fish now. I'm not blaming him for my choices to smoke or even drink, that was my choice. I don't even blame him anymore for the debt he got me into that almost screwed up my chances of buying a home. I blame myself for not following my good sense and staying away. What I'm trying to say is that when you date a guy like that, as women we want to change them into something better... we think we can change them when in reality they change us. Funny thing is, in the end, after all the crap he fed me (including cheating me and getting 2 more women pregnant) he left me. Trust me, I've way recovered since then, but it took 9 long years to finally pay off the last of the debts he left me with. In the meantime, he went on to get married and have even more kids (one with his wife, one with some girl he cheated on her with). And he'd call me from time to time (while still married) to try to get back with me. Which means he still hasn't changed. I just laugh at him now and wonder what the heck I ever saw in him.Save yourself the pain... love does not conquer all... you can't change another person.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008): I would say no. This could harm you in the long run. And I get a suspicion that he is being "nice" to try to get you, and fool you to start dating him. But in general people who are into these things and have a disturbed family aren't happy and if he abuses himself like this, it won't be hard for him to abuse you.Take it easy! You are super young, I am like 8 years older than you and still haven't really had a relationship. When you fall in love fall all the way, their shouldn't really be a second guess in your mind. Thats when you know it is right.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008): I don't think that he is the right guy for you.
You said yourself that you're not sure whether it's him you want or a relationship and that you are too different.
At least at the moment you sound far too unsure about him.
Think about whether you would you ever really be happy in a relationship where your boyfriend does drugs etc? Or would you ever be happy in a relationship that was upsetting your parents?
Good Luck
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female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (29 May 2008):
 I agree with Susan Strict - dating this guy is not going to work. Don't get into something all "messy" at your age...it's so not worth it! Find someone more like you...this guy will move on and hopefully find happiness too!
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female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (29 May 2008):
 It's not going to work. You are much too different. Sure, opposites attract - and that's what you have right now. It's not the drugs, drinking or smoking. He might change those, but it's the attitude that is all-important in any relationship at whatever age and yours is so very different to his.
Look at what you have written. Read it and think about it - particularly your phrase "I am totally a good girl". Imagine his reaction if he were to read that.
This isn't something you can change. You are what you are, and he is what he is. It will be one big mess for both of you if you try to take it further.
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female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (29 May 2008):
you have to stand by your morales on this one, rememeber you cant change people they have to do it on their own back..so ide keep clear until you know he has changed for himself, because this could only cause problems in the future. only you can decided whether to date him or not but look at it from all angles and see how you feel..thats my opinion aphexy
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