A
female
age
36-40,
*each1908
writes:I want to ask for help and I hope I can write this to get advice and not judgement as in my heart I don't plan to sin. I work as a nurse and I just started at a new hospital. On my team is another male nurse that work with that is married. Since I started I felt a spark (a crush). We talk throughout the day and it appears we have the same sense of humor and possibly might share a mutual attraction. We had a work outing and he initiated grabbing a drink before we went to the work outing since it was close - it was strictly innocent and besides jokes and laughs nothing happened. During our talks he will complain about his wife which I just pause because I don't want to say anything bad.. he also shared with me that a past coworker in the previous job had a crush on him. I have never crossed the line and don't plan to but I have noticed he is sometimes warm and sometimes cold. He will say hello to me one day and joke and complain about everything and silent another day which makes me worried I did something wrong. I obviously am attracted to this man but I would never admit it to him and I would never cross the line because it's not ethical in my heart. I don't understand though how one day he can joke innapropriatly and another day ( especially other ) coworkers he seems so cautious. Did I do something wrong ? For example we went to grab equipment in the nearby hospital for work yesterday and when we were alone we were joking and laughing; he complained about his wife and he was calm- the next day he didn't say goodmorning or goodnight -This on/off sometimes hosetly just worries me if I ever do anything wrong - I'm usually steady with everyone and if I don't like someoen I never think oh if we walk out together people will think we're doing something
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co-worker, crush, spark Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, ObamaPhoneHome +, writes (13 September 2017):
I base my answer on what I would do if I were in his shoes. First he's probably really enjoying the female attention he's getting from you, probably for ego reasons. Since he hasn't shut you down he probably feels a genuine attraction.
However he has a keen awareness that moving forward with said attraction is clearly wrong. I believe it is likely that on his cold-shoulder days, he's trying to put some distance between you and him both to assuage his guilt and perhaps keep his marriage intact.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 September 2017):
 Sounds to me like maybe his mood changes drastically, maybe its his personality or maybe he gets stressed some days. Nothing from this post suggests that he has feelings for you or that you have done something wrong, it could be just who he is.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2017): Just keep it professional with this guy.
He's probably figured out that you're attracted to him. Why else would he invite only you to drinks before the work outing? Why does he need to tell you a past co-worker had a crush on him? Whoa is him. He complains about his wife. He sounds like a player, and it sounds like he is playing you. It also sounds like he is inviting you to make a move. Did it ever occur to you that his wife is a perfectly fine woman and he is the one with the issues?
Don't even worry about that player's moods. Maybe it is because he got in a fight with his wife. Or, maybe he's pissed you haven't made a move on him yet. Seriously, don't bother with this married man. He is working you.
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A
male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (4 September 2017):
Hello OP,Could he be having a kind of (undiagnosed) bipolar disorder? I've meet girls like him, that one day they are euphoric and laugh and everything, and the other one they want to kill you or kill themselves. It's a serious mental health issue, although those mood swings last weeks or months.That, or he is having really bad days at home.YOU HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING WRONG. It seems that his guy haves some problem that he is either not able to admit o he is not aware of how he treats you from day today.Best luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2017): Just get rid of him
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 September 2017):
 Maybe he has sensed that you have unrequited feelings for him or that you are crushing and he is trying to not encourage it.
Maybe he just is a person who's mood switch up a bit. Not everyone is the same all the time.
My advice? Minimize the time you spend with him after work. He is married. If you want a partner, look elsewhere.
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