A
male
age
30-35,
*lickrick
writes:Hey guys im in a interracial realtionship and ive been going with my girlfriend for happily 2 1/2 years. only thing is that her parents dont approve because im black and she is white. she said that she have to break up with me because of her parents not accepting me, what should i do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (31 October 2010):
Hi. Your girlfriend is making an assumption that her parents will be unhappy with her. But the only way to find out for sure, is to do it.
This really is unfinished business.
She could call them on the phone first, and ask if she can bring you home.
Your girlfriend could say on this phone call to her parents - "Mum and Dad, I would like you to meet my boyfriend."
But not say anything else at all. It's not relevant.
If I were you, I would be seriously considering doing this.
The longer you leave doing it, the harder it's going to be.
Everything was fine before this situation came up, because you have been together 2 and a half years. It's always been special, so all the more reason to go ahead with it.
A
male
reader, slickrick +, writes (31 October 2010):
slickrick is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell guys i really dont know what to do at this point because she dont want me to talk to her parents because how they may react if i come into their home, i really dont know wat we are anymore, she always seems down when she talks to me
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2010): Without telling her, I think you should visit her parents and meet them. How great would that be huh? It will reveal character and perhaps break a few of their misconceptions about you.
Dress nice but casual, and talk about why you want them to understand.
Parents will always want to protect their children, so show them your capable of that, regardless of race or religion.
Just a thought.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (12 October 2010):
Hello again. I think that's really wise what you said to her about having faith and trying to convince her parents.
Even though she has broken it off with you at the moment, with time it is possible that she will regret her decision.
Perhaps you could keep a low profile for a while and just chat by text or call her on her mobile during the day (when she's not at home). Perhaps you could call her in her lunch break, when she'll have more time to talk.
This clearly does need to be talked about in great detail, and about what's important to both of you.
Maybe you could secretly meet on a weekend, and just go somewhere you could both talk in private. There has to be a way.
At the moment, it's unfinished business. It's not the end of it yet.
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A
male
reader, slickrick +, writes (11 October 2010):
slickrick is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell she broke up with me. she said shes afraid that if she stays with me her parents may disown her. im still trying to convince her not to go through with this because we have something that is so special. i told her to have faith in our relationship, and have faith that her parents are going to change
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): I can sympathize, I am a white girl dating an Indian boy, but he has grown up in New Zealand so is not traditional. however, my parents are very racist and want me to leave him, and his parents refuse to acknowledge my existence! However, the only way we are coping is seeing that it's not our parents dating, it is only he and I, and our feelings that matter, I know how your gf feels when her parents pressure her, and you need to help show her that you support her and are not expecting her to run from her family. However you must explain how you feel, and that it would be a real shame to give up on such a good relationship otherwise for something as small as this. Because at the end of the day it's only skin! Tell her...she shouldn't just give up on you because of a little hiccup in your relationship. You will be stronger for getting over this. It is hard, but nothing is ever easy and without challenges right?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): Im sorry to hear about ur situation. Watch the film zebrahead, an early 90s oliver stone flick that I feel address interracial dating quite well.
Id keep being consistent with who you are as a person. Continue to show the parents you love their daughter, care for her, treat her properly, etc. I had to be consistent with ex GFs mom for a long time cause she hated the fact I was arab :/...that relationship was not worth my energy to be consistent and win her over so use your best judgment. Expending a lot of emotional energy and getting nothin out left me depressed for some time. You seem like a good fella and wouldnt want that to happen to you so be wise with your decision here. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, MG GAY GUY +, writes (11 October 2010):
This is a tough one - but really, I'm sorry to hear there are still such small minded people out there. Love is a wonderful thing, it shouldn't matter what race, creed or even gender you are. Love shows us that there is only one race - human.
I think that deep down she is not as in love with you as you are with her. True love makes us give up virtually everything and anything to be together.
This wouldn't work out in the long run anyway - what happens at christmas and other gatherings?
I think you deserve better than this and there are so many people out there who aren't sullied by such outdated prejudice - you must be loved for who you are, as you are. Move on, mourn a bit, but know that you will meet someone really special again - but without a the unmentioned elephant in the room!
I really wish you the best of luck. X
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): That is really a tough one. It comes down to her love for you. If she loves you enough, she will not listen to her parents. But if she is relaly close to them or respects them a lot, she may not change even if she loves you completely.
I have a friend who is Italian, and she dated a guy who was Puerto Rican. Her parents did not approve and she broke up with the love of her life. She entered into a severe depression that took years to get over. Even now that she's dating, she misses his love terribly. What's sadder, is she's compensated by convincing herself he was a jerk, lived to far away (he's in the Army), and crap like that. But I know she's lying as a form of accepting her loss. It sucks to think of so many true loves that end because of this racist crap, but not much you can do. Just reaffirm your love at every chance, and if you have to leave, leave with dignity and honor. You have to remember that when you marry, you marry her family too. If they wont change, it will make for a very bleak and empty relationship with her family. You can do better than that.
Good luck, and let us know how it goes.
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A
male
reader, slimfish  +, writes (11 October 2010):
 where i live, we have a multi racial society, but even then there are some who don't think like this. even though there are thousands of mixed couples, there are always some who will never accept it.
the best thing for you and your girl to do is weather the storm, and prove them wrong.
by this, i dont mean for you to run away from this, but stay and prove your worth and your love for each other.
there is another thought here though, she may be using this as a reason to leave you.
i hope this is'nt the case.
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A
female
reader, Duckyhelp  +, writes (11 October 2010):
 Did you know her parents were racist before this?
My mum is racist, im white and my boyfriend is asian, she doesnt accept it but his family is fine with it.
I suggest really talking to her and seeing how she feels, because i know my mum really doesnt want me to be with my boyfriend but i love him so i go against her.
Make sure you know for sure that this isnt some easy way to break it off with you.
Then you wont be so hurt :/
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (10 October 2010):
Hi there. Well 2 and a half years is a long time to be going together. Why has this problem only just arisen now?
Haven't her parents met you before now?
Have you met them, or has your girlfriend only told them that she is dating a black man? What difference does it make, what colour your skin is anyway, it has no relevance whatsoever. It's a person's personality and lifestyle that are really far more important than skin colour. It's completely unimportant. It's who you are as a person that really counts.
You are an American, just like her.
Unfortunately, her parents' thinking is very closed minded.
If you really like or love each other, that should come first above what her parents think.
I guess that because you are both very young, maybe she allows herself to still be influenced by what her parents think. Even though she doesn't think like them, and has her own mind, she might be feeling that her parents won't accept her if she goes her own way on this.
There is some very old fashioned thinking still, about mixed relationships. Some people don't like change, and just like to stick with what they know, like marrying like etc.
Ultimately, it's only something you and your girlfriend can discuss to really work out what is best for all concerned. However in doing this, you both need to put your own feelings towards each other first, above all else - then go from there.
Ask yourselves, what's more important - our love for each other, or what other people think? We both know the answer to that one - what you think and feel for each other, of course.
I sincerely hope this is helpful to you. Take care and best wishes.
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A
female
reader, [?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] +, writes (10 October 2010):
![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png) First off, your girfriend is not fully committed if she is going to break up with you because you're a different race. She needs to have a conversation with her parents, and not give up..
If she gets to them and they accept the relationship than that's good. I don't think you'd want her to start running away, and become like Romeo and Juliet, that does nothing but isolate her from her family.
If your both adults than you can do whatever you want, her parents can't keep her from doing anything, it's her life, her decision. Not theirs.
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