A
male
age
30-35,
*ustfriends
writes:About 3 months ago the girl of my dreams told me I like you as a friend and being the nice guy I said sure lets be friends. I thought being friends could possibly mean down the road she might like me or want to hang out with me like a friend would normally do. During the conversation I told her pretty much everything how I feel about her and that I sorta wasn't looking to date anyone else because at the time she was single and so was I. I told her that I sorta hoped that there was a chance. She told me later in the conversation that Im a nice guy and any girl would be lucky to have someone like me in there life. she also said she would help me find a girlfriend. I said absolutely not. I told her I couldn't ever ask her for a favor. I now realize after 3 moths that being friends doesn't mean shit. She probably said that because she didn't want to admit to just not liking me. After reading about similar situations where the girl says lets just be friends so suggestions we to say "no I don't want to be friends I have plenty of friends and I don't need any more. My question of great importance is can I tell her 3 months later that I don't want her to be my friend that she had me wrapped around her finger and could have me do anything for her and didn't. She should have just told me straight up that she doesn't want to talk to me. I am a big boy I can handle it. I don't want to be her friend when I care about her and don't get any recognition for it. I have better things to do with my time and I want to tell her that. I don't want to be an asshole to her but I feel she needs to know Im not okay with being just a friend. I go an support her like I do to all of my friends for athletic events and they will support me for my sporting events but not once have I seen her how up to a game I played in not once has she asked how I did in a game not once has she genuinely cared as a friend would. Another question is how could I ask her if she really meant I want to be friends, she has indicated that she is fine that I talk to her and all that but she never shows it. the Final question is how can I tell her if she doesn't want to be friends just tell me, cause right now as I've said before I don't need more friends I don't need someone to fake it, and I don't need someone who I care about to lie to my face and say we should be friends. She has been responsible for the way I have acted the last month of school. I have been very hostile lifting weights everyday because its the only thing I can do to take my mind off her. I am angry and punch lockers almost everyday after I lift because I feel like I failed with dating a girl and I failed at lifting enough weight. Please help I am not sure what to do I want to come clean and I want her to also. I still like her I just want her to be honest if Im going to put in an effort to be a friend like you said we are I feel like she should do the same Also I know I might sound like a pussy go ahead and tell me, I already know I can't deal with emotional pain to well I lost all of my grandparents before I was 12 years old all within 3 years. physical pain is nothing to me like emotional pain is. so you can say Im emotionally weak but don't question me when I say I will take a bullet to protect someone I care about thank you Reply to this Question
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male
reader, justfriends +, writes (11 October 2010):
justfriends is verified as being by the original poster of the question I meant to say I don't handle emotional stuff to well. thank you for making it clear that its me and all. I needed to hear someone tell me that and hopefully set me straight. So what if Im not the nicest guy I would rather go out fighting then be a normal person and just let it go by. Again back to me not being able to handle it well that is the reason I have acted this way. after reading what you had to say I wanted to clear up I don't blame her for it, it may have sounded like it but just to clear it up I know its not her fault.
I am glad you are harsh on me I needed it. What I meant by she has been responsible for the way I acted was towards what lunch I would go to and plan on seeing her there. Im making another thing clear I don't stalk or follow or anything of that nature. At my school with sports and everything after school its impossible to avoid people and I usually don't talk to her unless I walk directly past her.
I sounded like a pussy with pretty much everything I have said on this website and that relates back to me NOT being able to handle emotional stuff to well.
Going back to being friends when I said "she probably just said that because she didn't want to admit to not liking me" I meant as a boyfriend I know that she doesn't see me as a boyfriend.
The only thing I was looking to get out of us being friends was to get another friend someone I could talk to that would want to talk to me as well.
As you said its up to her whether she wants to or not. So I need to grow up and quit being a wimpy pussy bitch when it comes to the emotional stuff and focus on what Im better at.
Before I met this girl I was cold I didn't ever talk about my feelings I saw my grandparents all die slowly over years of cancer and other awful things similar in nature. My father is an alcoholic who puts tremendous pressure on me as well as my mother. I don't look for people to ever feel sorry for me but what I want to get across is emotions never helped me and for some reason she brought them out of me and thats why I liked her.
So I hope you will understand my reasons for liking this person better and see that I didn't want to make it seem like she was to blame, I knew it was me I just couldn't write it to well
A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (11 October 2010):
 You are not listening to her for one thing.
"About 3 months ago the girl of my dreams told me I like you as a friend and being the nice guy I said sure lets be friends."
AS A FRIEND MEANS NO FARTHER THEN FRIENDS.
"I thought being friends could possibly mean down the road she might like me or want to hang out with me like a friend would normally do."
This is NOT her fault you assumed this, she told you FLAT OUT she only wanted to be friends with you. and just only friends.
"I now realize after 3 moths that being friends doesn't mean shit. She probably said that because she didn't want to admit to just not liking me."
She did admit to not liking you in the first place and in a typical way...saying "I like you as a friend" AS A FRIEND doesn't mean 'I LIKE YOU AS A FRIEND NOW BUT MAYBE I'LL LIKE YOU AS A BOYFRIEND LATER ON"....that is your hopeful thinking, and yes this sometimes can happen. But what you need to realize is that you must learn to TAKE REJECTION better then you are right now.
If you can handle emotional pain well, prove it. You aren't handling it well right now, you have agreed to be someone's friend and only friend, you are calling yourself a 'nice' guy but you don't sound that 'nice'.
"Nice Guys" can't see that THEIR OWN behavior is the problem. These guys sabotage themselves and often blame "all women" for their misfortunes. They stick around waiting for the girl, who usually states in some way that she is not interested, to change her mind about them. There are men that describe themselves as 'nice guys' when they have a friendship with a girl and feel like that girl owes them something more than friendship...
"She has been responsible for the way I have acted the last month of school. I have been very hostile lifting weights everyday because its the only thing I can do to take my mind off her. I am angry and punch lockers almost everyday after I lift because I feel like I failed with dating a girl and I failed at lifting enough weight."
As mentioned above about 'nice guys' you are blaming her for your actions...which is completely uncalled for. She did nothing but be honest with you. She told you she only wanted to be friends. She did NOT say "I like you as a friend but I plan on dating you later" NOR did she say "I like you as MORE than a friend" She doesn't owe you anything, not even the time of day. She also has a right to change her mind about being your friend, not saying she has, but it is her right.
So you MUST face the cold hard truth and realize that its you who is acting like a baby here, you who is stretching the truth here, you who is wasting your own time. She isn't. She told you in the get go that she liked you as a friend, and if a girl TRIES to get you to get a different girl as your girlfriend...she will never date you. Trust me.
p.s Sorry if this is super harsh, but I felt in your case that you needed someone to tell it like it is, not coddle you in any way shape or form.
learn to separate fact from fiction, please.
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