A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, my name is Marya and I'm 33 years old and my fiancé’s name is Kevin, he's 38. We've been together for 5 years now. On June 03, 2007 he announced our engagement… but it was not good. I was so hurt and disappointed when I saw his mom’s reaction and when I looked at everyone’s face it was like as if they saw a ghost. I really don’t want to be in this place. I mean, who would, right! Feels like, I just want to disappear from his life just to make it easier for him and maybe it will make his dearest Mother happy. But to have Kevin in my life officially and knowing we would grow old together through good times and bad with a couple of kids, would mean the whole world to me. I can see the sadness on my dad’s eyes when I told him – I should have never told him. But I thought he would give me some advise but didn’t. He knows how happy Kevin made me for the past 5 years and he really thinks Kevin and I would make it. He truly believed in us. Maybe that’s why he didn’t want say anything nor get involved. You see, I have a very tragic and horrible past growing up. I was abandoned by my own mother and raised myself since the age of 14. My dad came to follow us here in Hawaii 10 years after. He's already moved on and re-marry. My first relationship was with a very abusive man. I was raped and beat on by this person at 14. Kevin was the only person knows about it. Ever since then, my mentality changed towards men. But when I met Kevin, he totally changed my life around. He made me feel so much loved like no one has ever loved me before. He is the best thing that ever happened to me and I'm so lucky to have met him. Recently, I've been very jealous over his co-workers. Kevin is a very attractive man and he is surrounded by lots of pretty women. One of them is Julie and she's about 25 years old who loves attention - a lot of attention. She is in one of that pageant called Cherry Blossoms. She told Kevin he has to show up in one of her pageants because it's sponsored by their company. But Kevin knows how it would make me feel so he turned her down. I did some researched and found out it wasn't sponsored by their company whatsoever. She just wants him to be there and support her and possibly show off what has to offer which I did not appreciate. I know, Kevin would not do anything to hurt me. I truly trust him. But I know for sure I don't trust "her" or women. I know they will keep on trying. I've been there and done that. I feel so bad because I blamed everything on Kevin and I know it's wrong. This is probably a test for us… just to see how well we handle things. Kevin and I have had a hard time communicating. Most times, I don’t understand his point of view and at the same time he tend to misunderstood what I’m trying to say to him – so sometimes it’s best not to talk about things. He usually just ignores it if it’s no big deal to him. But it would drive me crazy and all hell breaks lose which causes our fights and argument.Gosh!!! I know, this is getting too long now. I should end it here. I just need your help and advise...
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for all your advise. It really helps a lot. Now that my mind is at ease, I can breath so much better and I feel a lot better. I really appreciate it!!!
A
female
reader, goodlistener  +, writes (6 June 2007):
I have been in the same situation. If you really want to be with this guy then you just remember...it's you and him in this relationship, not her or anyone else. In my experience it seemed like my partners mother didn't want to let him go. And/or i wasn't good enogh to be his wife. If you want him stick with it, she WILL come round, whether she likes it or not.
Good luck honey!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2007): Dear Marya,
I know a situation similar to yours... my parents. They've been married for over 25 years... and my grandmother was just short of calling my mom a slut when she met her. And now... my mom is the ONLY one who cares about her, and she's had to admit her misjudgement. Don't let them take your happiness. You go on loving who you want to love and who loves you in return... and in time, his mom will see that you are the woman he needed. Trust me, I know how that can be. It's been 25 years of my grandmother scheming trying to break them up, but she's realized that my mom makes my dad incredibly happy. You can be that success story too.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (6 June 2007):
 His mother just realized that she has to give up control of her little boy to another woman. It's not you. Who cares what she thinks, as long as you two are happy? It sounds like your fiancee is doing the right thing by turning women down. He proved that you can trust him, so don't even put time and energy into getting jealous. Just for kicks, though, you should go by his work at the end of his shift, and you two should go up to her, and make it clear that he's with you. Tell her to stop disrespecting you.
DV1
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A
female
reader, jaxwardle86 +, writes (6 June 2007):
 You two are obviously very happy and although there is jealousy problems you both love each other very much so why care about what other people think so much. I think some counseling about your past would do a great deal of good if communicating with each other is a problem then maybe couple counseling is a good idea too. Hope this helps tc xxxxxxx
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