A
female
age
36-40,
*eordiegirl22
writes:I split with my fiancee, for no reason at all, he just woke up one day and decided he didnt want to be with me for some random reason. I was sooo angry, I thought I hated him so i wanted to make him pay. So i text him off an old phone pretending to be one of my friends, asking if he wanted to meet, and to my horror he agreed??? but then when i told him it was a wind up, that i (my friend) would never do that to me, he started texting me saying that he knew i had set him up and thats why he had agreed to it, i denied everything and said i didnt no wot he was talking about, but was very hurt he would consider meeting one of my friends.trouble is now, were on speaking terms, we both stil love each other, and are trying to sort things out to see if we can get back together. only thing is he keeps saying my friend wont stop ringing him and calling him names telling him hes hurt me and everything, but i no this is not true cos it was me sending the messages noone has his number. I need to tell him the truth cos i feel guilty for doing it, and feel guilty for making him look like a fool for lying about it. i need help asap, i cant keep saying sorry for the phone calls hes getting off my friends that hes not even getting, what should i do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, mcbirdie +, writes (7 June 2007):
 Oh, I do wish you the best of luck. It will be hard to think it now, but try to remember that if you two can't get through this, then you maybe aren't such a good match. Marriage is hard--you want to attach yourself to someone who will make it through rough spots with you.
Best of luck and let us know.
A
female
reader, geordiegirl22 +, writes (7 June 2007):
geordiegirl22 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Right he was supposed to come to my house last night but he didnt turn up, game playing???I so wanted to tell him to his face, but i didnt no when that will be next, and i didnt want him thinking about things, deciding for us to get back together and then me telling the truth for it to all blow up again.Sooooooooo ive text him about a 10 page text telling him everything and why i think i done it, i also put on i fully expect to lose him forever now.i did not want to do it by text, i think communication is much better face to face, but it had to be done.he has not text back.i will keep you updated, but i very much doubt i will ever hear from him again.GUTTED!
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A
female
reader, mcbirdie +, writes (7 June 2007):
My advice--and what I do in my own life--is to always aim for honesty between two people in a relationship. I don't think it matters much (in a general sense only, of course) why he is making up these calls. It doesn't matter much that he broke up with you first. What matters now is getting the two of you back to communicating honestly.
There is no point to sitting around trying to suss out what he is doing and why when you can just ask him. If he is looking for a reason to end the relationship, he will find one. If he says he can't trust you because of what you did, well, that would be good to know now, rather than ten years from now, right?
I don't think that there is no way for you to get past this. If two people want to work something out, they will. But I don't think it is fair to do so without being upfront across the board. You should tell him what you did and he should tell you what he knew. Only at that point can you move forward without doubting each other all the time.
Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, mcbirdie +, writes (7 June 2007):
My advice--and what I do in my own life--is to always aim for honesty between two people in a relationship. I don't think it matters much (in a general sense only, of course) why he is making up these calls. It doesn't matter much that he broke up with you first. What matters now is getting the two of you back to communicating honestly.
There is no point to sitting around trying to suss out what he is doing and why when you can just ask him. If he is looking for a reason to end the relationship, he will find one. If he says he can't trust you because of what you did, well, that would be good to know now, rather than ten years from now, right?
I don't think that there is no way for you to get past this. If two people want to work something out, they will. But I don't think it is fair to do so without being upfront across the board. You should tell him what you did and he should tell you what he knew. Only at that point can you move forward without doubting each other all the time.
Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (6 June 2007):
 If you feel strongly that you must tell him what you did, know that he will probably use it as just cause to terminate your relationship. So prepare to face the firing squad. Then again, it sounds like he's looking for a reason to bail anyhow. You will only be "ripping the bandage off the wound" and getting it over with sooner. Live and learn. It does sound like he's playing games, looking for a way out. I know it'll be painful but you can't keep someone if they really want to go. He'll just find another reason later. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (6 June 2007):
Ah my dear, he may be setting a trap for you by telling you "your friend" (which is you, of course) is still leaving him messages. He probably suspects it was you all along and is trying to back you into the corner for a confession. There are two things you need to consider before you admit to what you did. #1. He broke up with you before all this mess started. That tells me he was already looking for a way out. If you fess up to doing this somewhat devious thing you will risk losing him for sure. #2. No matter how you slice it, he will never trust you again. End of sentence. The best thing to do is keep mum and hope it goes away on its own and learn from this mistake by not doing it again. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, geordiegirl22 +, writes (6 June 2007):
geordiegirl22 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat actually makes quite a lot of sense, maybe he does know and thats why he keeps mentioning, trying to see if i will come out with it.
Theres no doubt I will fess up, I have a strong feeling im gonna lose him for good after this, but id prefer for him to know the truth, than to semi know the truth doubting whether im trustworthy.
The only thing is im now starting to think hes playing games, he says the only reason he doesnt wanna get back with me at the minutes is cos of all the messages and phone calls (I only did this for aprox 2hrs on 1 occasion) hes hurt. Is he making these phone calls and msgs up for attention? Or making them up cos he doesnt want to be with me, just wants to tease me for a while, by saying hes not sure what he wants?
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A
female
reader, mcbirdie +, writes (6 June 2007):
You can and should come clean. It will be embarrassing, it will be painful, and it might be hard for you to fix, but you have to. You cannot rebuild a relationship on a foundation of this lie.
It sounds to me like he knows that it was you and is trying to draw you out by saying that the friend is still contacting him. Fess up now before it gets even worse and he feels he has no reason at all to trust you.
Best of luck.
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