A
female
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anonymous
writes:I know that opposites attract, but can two opposites really work in a relationship?My bf and I are so different and sometimes it scares me because I fear that he will want to change me to be more like him. He is a big drinker, and I dont drink at all. This is something I am not willing to change. I dont mind other people drinking, but its just not for me. So I would never expect him to stop drinking. However its such a huge part of his life, sometimes I get the feeling that Im missing out on a part of his life because I dont drink.He is very out going, and confident etc, where as I am more quiet and shy and am happy having a small group of close friends, where as he likes to be the centre of attention and be surrounded by a big group of friends.Hes into sports and cars...Im into art, reading and music. However we do have one strong common interest and that is music. We both share a passion for playing and listenign to music. We both play instruments and love to watch live music together. We like alot of the same music artists. Apart from these differences, hes sooo caring and loving and considerate of my feelings most of the time. Hes a very thoughtful person and this is what I love about him. My ex bf's both broke up with me because I was too different to them, and the differences were the same as in this relationship. Do you think this relationship can work or not? I am happy with how he is, it doesnt really bother me, im just afraid he might not be happy with who I am because my ex bfs never were. They wanted me to drink alchol becuase their friends thought I was un cool for not drinking. They wanted me to be loud and outgoing like all there girl friends and guy mates. Do you think this relationship can work?
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female
reader, mouchie +, writes (23 August 2009):
i can relate to this.. I've been with my partner for eight years now, and have a 5 year old boy.. he was always the really outgoing one, and me, just quiet.. I would mingle, but I'd have to know the people well to feel confortable.. where as my parter loves to drink and will talk to anyone.. I used to drink one or 2, but after my son I just reel i didnt need to.. I thought my partner might slow down abit after our son was born.. but I've noticed that he still likes to be with his mates all the time.. the last 2 nights he's gone to mates houses.. he doesnt invite me or my son, because he doesnt want us in that environment.. Im starting to think we are not meant to be.. he can be very loving, but just feel like we have these seperate lives.. And I think he's priorities are more with his mates then his own son.. He says he loves me so much, and didnt know if he'd be here anymore if I left.. But I just keep wondering, is this how my life supposed to be.. be at home acting like the perfect wife, cleaning, cooking, taking care of our son, while he gets to go play.. I could tell him my feelings, but I could never change him.. Any advice anyone.. I keep resenting him for leaving me all the time.. I get angry and dont talk, just go quite but grumpy.. what do i do?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2009): I think that you complement eachother. and maybe he really likes you because you are so different from him and can show him the other side of the coin so to speak. you should havea chat to him and see what he thinks...i find getting stuff off my chest always makes the relationship better and eases your mind too. me and my guy are similar we don't really socialise the same, at one point i thought it would be an issue, but now i actually love having my own time with my friends and he goes out with his. good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the great advice everyone.
A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009):
I think you are right I should ask him how he feels about me not drinking because then atleast I might feel a bit less worried. Although with my ex's in the beguining they said they didnt care, but after a while they begun to 'realise' what it as like dating someone who didnt drink, they begun to realise there friends didnt approve etc and changed there minds, therefore wanted to change me.
I dont know exactly why it is ive always fallen for people so different, i dont think im afraid of a relationship. I think its just who i happen to be attracted too? Also, i find it hard to find anyone who is like me. I dont know if its the same where you live, but most people where i live are heavy drinkers. Could also be my age group (20s).
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): Your boyfriend is a different person to your ex-boyfriends. If you have these fears why not ask him how he feels about you not drinking etc. You might get a nice surprise. It might also be worth thinking about why you always choose guys you have little in common with. Are you afraid of commitment or a successful relationship?
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female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries  +, writes (12 June 2009):
 definately hun!!why not you guys seem great enough.he clearly cares alot about you.and sometimes it's nice to be different to one another i mean whilst he drinks with his friends you can sit and read or paint or draw or hang out with your small group of friends.it's nice because you guys have alot more to talk about.because you guys are so different into the types of things you do you can share with eachother why you like it what you did so on and so forth.it's something to keep you both on your toes.i thinks it's a really great thing actually because you do share a love for music so you can do those things together and stuff.trust me he seems really genuine about his feelings for you so i wouldn't worry he loves you the way you are he won't try to change you :)hope this helps.x
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A
female
reader, cindy888  +, writes (12 June 2009):
My good friend thats a guy broke up with his girlfriend because he's a drinker and she wasn't and he loved to go out and party with his friends and it took a toll on their relationship. I don't know how old he is but if its a big part of his life then it could be a problem. You guys sound young but if he really doesn't mind you don't drink then it could work.
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