A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i am with my fiance of 10 years, we have three wonderful kids together however, for a while now i cant help but think we just aren't meant to be together, he is not a romantic man and i love to be romanced, we don't do things together, he gets to go out when ever he wants to i have no problems with that but i am not able to do anything i want to do unless it involves having kids around because he wont look after the kids, they are not bad kids, they are 6,4 and 2. he kisses me when he gets home from work but only if i have gone up to him for a kiss and i don't get cuddles unless we are in bed, i ask him for a cuddle and his response is always "its not bed time yet" our sex life isn't the greatest, it averages one to two times a week and i only seem to get sex when he wants it. i try to start it but he always says no or rolls over. he never tells me he loves me first i have to be the one to say that i love him and the only time i really hear him say it is in bed. the only time i do hear him tell me that he loves me without me having to say it is when he is drunk. that is about as romantic as it gets, i would love for him to come into the kitchen and wrap his arms around me when i am cooking dinner even if it is just for a minute or sit next to me on the lounge and put his hand on my leg or something, he wont hold my hand in public and his reasoning for this is "i know you wont run away" which i wont but it would still be nice, i would feel like he is showing the world that we love each other, he wont take me out for dinner because he reckons i am "boring". we are supposed to be getting married next year but i just don't know if it is the right thing to do!! i love this man very much but i am not sure if i love him enough to be going through with this marriage. i have tried talking to him many times throughout our relationship but it never seems to help! i just want to be happy and i want my kids to be happy!! should i stay and see if he changes or should i go!! PLEASE HELP!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni don't know so much that we are both in a rut, i want to have romance and affection in our relationship and he doesn't seem to care if he gets affection or not. i love him so much and just want to show him how much that is but i feel like he doesn't love me as much as i do him. i am a person that needs to feel loved as well as being showed love and i don't feel i am getting that from him nor do i feel i ever will. when we first moved in together he was the most loving person you could ever have, he always wanted to be around me and always wanted to be touching me in some way, but after a few months the novelty wore off and this is how it has been ever since, i don't feel he is the same person i fell in love with all those years ago, i miss that man and i would love for him to come back, it is not like he has never showed me affection, he did for a long time at the beginning of our relationship but the minute he felt like he knew i wasn't going anywhere he stopped.i know he can give affection he has done it before i just think he doesn't want to and that's what hurts the most. i love him but i need affection and when i don't get affection that is when i start to doubt our relationship.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): Sounds like you are both in a rut and feeling bored. Perhaps you need to try and spend time alone together to rekindle those feelings that you once had. Start by getting a babysitter and going out for the evening, whether its a walk around the park then a pizza or movies etc., When with him dont talk about the kids find other things to talk about.
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries  +, writes (12 June 2009):
 hun clearly he doesn't really care much if you're the one always making the effort.
i say go.
i mean do you want to live in an unhappy environment where you're the one doing all the work and he does nothing in return?
if you're unhappy your children will sense this and they will then become unhappy and it's not right to bring children up in an unhappy environment.
you should do what you feel is best for you!
if you want to stay and see how it all goes see if changes then you stay
but if you feel it's done you're tired of being in a one way relationship then go.
so whatever makes you happiest!
if you feel you will be happier finding someone else then go ahead and do that find someone who truely cares and whom will do all the things you want him to do now.
just make sure its the best for you and your children.
i hope this helps.
i wish you all the luck in the world hun :)
x x x x x x chin up.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): well i really feel for you, i am in a similar relationship and i understand that you crave the loving attention i do.
i too am wondering whether to carry on and accept my lot as there are children involved.
we have spoken on many occasions about this and the resposes are more or less the same as you get.
i will keep checking back as im sure the advice you recieve from the aunts and uncles will benefit me too.
sorry i am not much help but i just thought i would let you know that you are not alone in your situation x
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A
female
reader, cindy888  +, writes (12 June 2009):
You have 3 kids together and he's not abusive and a good father. You sound a little bored like you need some hobbies or interests in your life. So he's not the most romantic but he provides for you and your family and doesn't cheat and you want to leave him? Why? So you can raise your kids alone and work your butt off and never have time to date and have no sex at all? Sounds more miserable than what you feel now. Schedule a vacation for the two of you and get away from the kids for awhile.
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