A
female
age
51-59,
*aney1
writes:Not sure where to start. Basically I have been with my partner 2 years, hes been living with me and my 5 yr old son 8 months. But we never stop rowing, we love each other, and sometimes things are brill but when theyre bad, theyre bad!we are both stubborn and pig headed. A small row will start ,and ends by him walking out the door, which ends up with me telling him not to come back, therefore he is living with his mum at mo, since last monday. It escalates from nothing.Previous to meeting him, I had been living on my own with my son for 2 and half years. It is therefore my house, but his home. We bring out the worst in each other, he makes me sooo angry. I have tried to calm down, the last couple of times we've rowed. But he still walks out. Help. I am really missing him now, dunno what to do. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, janey1 +, writes (25 August 2007):
janey1 is verified as being by the original poster of the question HiThis is an update 3 months down the line. I feel as if I am getting nowhere in my life. Am I depressed?, I dont know, probably! I just want to cry all the time, still miss him which is sooo stupid cos we fought so much. I have met others, but cant seem to get interested. Not interested in anything actually, except my son. Feel like im losing the plot. Hate being alone, and when with other people, I wanna be on my own. What is up with me? Any advice gratefully accepted.
A
female
reader, janey1 +, writes (5 July 2007):
janey1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi thereUpdate is, it is now nearly 5 weeks ago that we split up, and I was getting on ok, but now suddenly, I feel as if Im back to square one, Im missing him badly, just cried for the last 3 days.We are considering going to couple counselling. Do you think this could work for us, we need to understand how to deal with each other better after a row. We cant communicate properly. Any advice very welcome, thank youxxx
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A
female
reader, janey1 +, writes (17 June 2007):
janey1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi again
Thanks for all the great advice so far, I have taken notice of it all. I would appreciate some advice on how to deal with my 5 yr old son, who thought the world of my ex partner. I feel as though I have let him down again, by somebody walking out on us, like his dad did 4 yrs ago. I just feel soooo guilty. he seems to be taking it well, but Im worried he is holding back cos he knows it upsets me to talk about him. Any advice be much appreciated
Jane
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2007): You are going to miss having someone around, but I think in time you will wonder what you were thinking living with a man who probably verbally abused you, if you two just can't learn to get along with out heated arguments and walking out, then you need to let this one go.
My advice to you the next time you fall for some guy is not to move him into your house with your son, you and your son are better off being your own strong unit until a man in your life is worthy of marrying and he asks you to.
The way you get over him is to cut contact with him and get busy with other things, and get involved with other people and care about someone else, you have to be a friend to have a friend.....you will be fine, and you deserve to have a less volatile relationship. Counseling just for you would benefit you greatly so that you don't take this baggage from this relationship into your next.
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A
female
reader, shortybabes +, writes (16 June 2007):
 phone him and meet for a chat. You need to make him aware of this problem and that you do love him. Decide whether you should be together or should you call it a day babe. If you decide to call it a day then remember that you will move on and meet someone else hunni.
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A
female
reader, janey1 +, writes (16 June 2007):
janey1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHiThe update is that I have tried to fix things and suggested counselling etc, but he doesnt want to know. Says loves me but cant live together, will never work. Where do I go from here? Any tips to get over him? I love him so much and cant do a thing about it.ThanksJane
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2007): http://drphil.com/articles/article/80
This whole site has amazing suggestions on how to fight fair and improve your relationship.
The biggest problem with living together is that you do not have the commitment to keep either of you from walking out....you say you have been divorced for 2 years so getting married to this man is not an option---I don't see what that has to do with it.
If this relationship can't be saved, then maybe it is time to stop the bleeding and let him go, your kids can't be happy living in a home with so much fighting and turmoil, it is not fair to them, and it changes who they are if you fight like this in front of them, I hope that you don't do that....it is very damaging to young people to see their parents fighting all of the time.
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A
female
reader, janey1 +, writes (10 June 2007):
janey1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe update is that he will not come home cos doesn't wanna be in the same situation next month, he says. I love him and am missing him badly.
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A
female
reader, janey1 +, writes (10 June 2007):
janey1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNot sure if doing this right, am I answering my own question here lol.? wanted to thank the anonymous message i received yesterday, I cannot seem to reply to her because shes anonymous! But we sound exactly the same as her and her husband. We totally blame each other, never see eye to eye. Always think that 'we' are right. Very pig headed. Not really sure what the answer is tbh. He says he will not ocme back cos dosen't wanna be in the same boat next month. It happens every month, hes move out 3 times in last 4 months.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2007): hi, i too am in relationship like yours, we have 2yr old son. When things are good , ter great but when we fight, all hell breaks out. Cannot advise u , im sorry, we are still living together but not talking, we just cannot see eye to eye, he blames me, i blame him, just feel ters no hope for us, and it hurts so much cause we both luv each other so much but are both stubborn and pig headed it so unreal. we are so alike its freaky, anyways sorry in cannot help, feel like a judas offering advice when i cannot sort my own relationship out, hope u both find an answer, when u do, give me a quick post, all advice welcome. take care, sorry not much help. xxxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2007): http://www.authorsden.com/visit/viewarticle.asp?id=19846
http://drphil.com/articles/article/317
Here are some articles to get you started, you both need to learn to fight fair, and stay on issue, and communicate better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2007): Why don't you get married instead of living together, isn't two years long enough to commit?
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A
female
reader, jaxwardle86 +, writes (9 June 2007):
 God you don't how happy I am to know that I'm not the only one to go through this me and my husband have been together 5 years now and we still row like that. But we are still together and love each other deeply. Lately things did start to get ott and he started getting violent but things have calmed down now. I used to think is this what its meant to be like are other couples like this and in the end I decided I didn't care if they were. I love my husband and he loves me passionate arguments like this are a sign of a passionate relationship with is in no way a bad thing. If you ever wanna contact anyone for a chat cos he's driving you mad give us a shout. tc Jax xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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