A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy 3 months ago at a party in a city 'bout 3 hours from where I live. Within 5 mins of talking, he asked for my number. We didn't have much time to talk that night, maybe danced for a bit, and I had to go back to the hotel with my friends. I didn't talk to him for another two weeks, until I unexpectedly made another trip back to his city. He came out of have breakfast with my friends and I, and we really hit it off. From then on, he started texting me almost everyday. The content of the text were very flirty, so I never really took him seriously and I was just texting him for fun. And it was just nice to have some male attention because I was bummed out about my relationship that ended 2 weeks prior to meeting him. Well, he asked me to come visit him, and of course I make a trip to see him. The trip was great! He was great--very sweet and genuine. And of course, sex was involved. However, I didn't make a big deal out of it. I just saw it as having fun. And I didn't think we would work because we live in different cities. Also, I didn't expect for us to continue talking. But, we did. And the texts became less flirty and more sweet in a sense. He'd send me texts like, "I want to cuddle with you." "You're my dream girl." "You're amazing." With all these sweet texts, he also told me that he's still jaded from his ex who cheated on him. The relationship ended 2 years ago, but he's still weary about getting involved with another person. He said that I'm the first person he liked in over a year, and it's convenient that we both like each other, but we live in different cities, so nothing will come out of this unless one of us make a move. I just agreed with him, because I didn't see this going anywhere, and I was just having fun.Well, we continued talking, and I told him he should come visit me (I didn't think he would), but he came. And we had a great time. And when he left, we mentioned that we should do a trip to the beach next month. Of course, now I like him a little more and I was stoked about it. But the happy feeling didn't last long when he sent me a text asking if we could talk, but he was too mad and too sad at the moment to talk, so if we could talk to the next day. He called me me the next day.He struggled with the call a the beginning, he couldn't find the words to start, when he finally was able to compose himself confessed that he had slept with someone else 3 weeks before visiting me (but after having sex with me the first time) and she has an STDs, and that they used condoms but condoms don't protect some STDs , so that he wanted to let me know and that I should go get tested. And he would go get tested and let me know the result and I should do that same.I was shocked when I heard that, I didn't know what to say, and all he said was " I'm sorry, you probably hate me." Well, the fortunate thing about this is that the STD is easily cured. But, what still lingers in my mind is that, even though we weren't together, this has made me mistrust him, and I like him. This has been a wake up call, and it has made me reevaluate everything we've been doing. I want to give him a call to talk about it and let him know that I don't hate him, and I'm not angry at him. However, I am disappointed that it has conjured up my trust issues that I've worked for years to get over. However, at the time he slept with someone else, I also slept with someone else. I was just fortunate that the person I slept with was clean. So, the only reason he told me about sleeping with someone else was because he could potentially contracted something otherwise he wouldn't have confessed. So my question is, when I talk to him about my feelings about the situation, should I bring up that I slept with someone else to or is that irrelevant?
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condom, flirt, his ex, std, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2013): You speak of sex partners from only 3 months ago, and you act as if you already know whether they are clean or dirty. It is much too early to know that for sure. You need to learn more about STIs and the limitations of testing for them.
A
female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (6 May 2013):
 Since you both did the same thing I think it's generally a no harm no foul thing, neither of you had made it official yet and even though it seems to be heading that way; that you both made the same choices to me shows that you were both equally (not) invested in each other at that point. But if you do see this going somewhere long term then maybe the other aunt is right, that you should just say thanks for being honest I had to think about how I felt and decided that it wasn't a dealbreaker because I also had a fling around the same time. I wonder if this would backfire though with his relationship history. I would only share if I thought this could be a serious,long term relationship, not a fling that's going to last a couple more weeks or a month.
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A
female
reader, la femme jolie +, writes (5 May 2013):
You should firstly notify the other man you slept with about being exposed to a venereal disease so that He can seek treatment and hopefully inform anyone Else he might have had sexual relations with. Then, you have the choice to inform the "std" man of your other sexual encounter. Honesty is essential in any relationship. If you want to pursue a relationship with this man, tell him. If you do not, then it really doesn't matter.
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