A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:HiI had been with my girlfriend for nearly 9.5 years.. We got together when we were 18. We were both madly in love with each other and confided in each other. I was her best friend and lover all in one and she was everything to me. Our time together was amazing, we went out often, holidays, really enjoyed ourselves. We were of different religions, me being a Sikh and her a Hindu. We were always scared of telling our parents so was kept away from them for many years, however we did so a couple of years ago as we wanted to get married. At that time she said I would leave my family to be with you even if they don't approve. I said I want both sets of parents on side as I don't want any confrontation, but would support her no matter what if she left her family. Her parents didn't accept us so to make her life easier she bought her own place to move to only a couple of miles away from her family home. I supported her with bills, mortgage etc. she then had doubts about our future whereby she said I'm not sure about the religion difference, I don't want our kids brought up as Sikhs. I said to her they won't be, I'm happy our kids will have 2 different faiths they can believe in. We separated for a few days and realised how much we wanted each other and got back together. Last year she met my parents and they accepted her for who she was, however her parents still didn't approve.She has been living alone for 6 months now, visiting her parents a couple of times a week. They never spoke about our situation at home and it's like it was buried under the carpet. Her mum said to her to move back home, and she said there's a reason why she left in the first place and can't. Her parents have redecorated her old bedroom and told her to move back home again, this time her dad asked. We went out for her birthday in June with her brother who was told by her mum to get to know me, as we spoke about what we should do. Her brother and I both said to her to move back home as this could help with getting them on side.. She didn't move home. July was a busy month for her at work and said she would after that. During this time age was maxed out at work, long days and nights as was on a strict deadline. I understood this and let her carry on with it and was there for her when she wanted me.Last week we met up a few times once when she was really emotional and I went straight round. She said it was being on her own causing this. I spoke to her hugged her and said I will sort this and our future. I showed her a house online and asked if she liked it as something we should buy together for our future. She didn't want to live in that area as it was close to both our parents and didn't want to rub it in there faces whilst they don't approve. The following day when I was at her place we got a takeaway and watched tv and like normal she would lie in my arms.The following day she texts me saying we need to talk. I was like what is it, she was like in person. I was like if its an issue lets just speak now. She says she doesn't love me. I asked what brought this on, she said religion, the house thing, I don't want to live where we are now, she said we are comfortable together I just don't want comfortable. She says she loves me but not in live with me any more and you can't build a marriage on that. She says she lives me as her best friend and I'm her right arm. I asked how long she's felt like this, she said she didn't know, it might have been there a while but she thinks she may have been ignoring it. She says we are not meant to be and apologised many times over. She says nothings there for her and I said we can work on this with her response to be its too late. I said why didn't you speak to me about this and she said she was scared and thought it would pass but it didn't, because I do love you and you mean so much to me.I saw her the following day and we spoke for a few hours where we hugged, cried and held each other to discuss what happens now. She said she wants some me time. She said the last time we separated she had feelings that we would get back together but doesn't feel that now. She wanted to be friends and I said we can't. We've known each other for 10 years of which 9.5 years were in love. Friends won't workThis sudden turn has hit me for 6 and I don't know what I should do. I haven't spoken to her for 4 days and given her space, thinking if I meant anything to her she could get in touch but nothing. I've spoken to family and friends, and they are shocked and think this is really out of character for her. They were surprised as she was always saying how much she wanted to be with me then one day off goes the light switch.Recently she's been on Facebook and said about fellow school friends and people younger than her are married and only been together months. She thought we would have been married by now. I was looking to propose to her in march however delayed due to her parents, I then was planning for September regardless of her parentsI told her she will not find happiness like this but deep down she's gorgeous and can find a guy tomorrow. My mates say I've been punching above my weight and really I have. She's stunning and we got together as she just got out of and 18 months relationship.Her last message to me was I care for you a lot, but this is going to be my last my last text to you. I'm not going to ignore you, just taking a step back so that we can both try and move forward independently of each other.I've not got closure on this matter and a moment hasn't gone by where I'm missing her and want to get in touch. Friends/family have advised not to. I can't understand where this sudden change has come from. I want her back in my life and my lover, my wife, everything and just can't settle for friends as I would always want more. How do I go about this? I don't want to move on as she is all I know, she's my first love. Should I get in touch? Call her, text her and go round to see her. I'm having sleepless nights and struggling to eat whereby I feel sick. Please help me out with this
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2014): get bored of each other. Or the love life wasn't spontaneous enough for her. I say of you are truly best friends you should be able to be friends again. And I think you will find happiness again but for now don't just deal with the pain but embrace it. You had a love worth while. Now time for you to face the heart break its and ugly yet beautiful experience because even though it hurts so much you see how much you truly loved the person and how even though you are without them you still have a life worth living. And you can get through this I believe and know you can. I wish you all the happiness in life
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2014): Hmmm this is sad. I say take your time and let go bit by bit. I'm not saying to let go of the memories but to let go of the heart break. You seem like a good man and any girl would be lucky to have you . I ultimately think the reason it ended between both of you was due to religion. And having her parents not accept took a toll on her. And maybe she was afraid of getting to comfortable and thinking you may leave her or you'll just
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2014): You have to man-up and accept what cannot be changed. You will have women come into your life, and they may not stay; so you need practice. Learn how to accept letting go. You don't always have a choice.
It isn't supposed to be easy. It was very difficult for her to make her decision, and must have been a tremendous task to break your heart. Finding people so loyal and loving as you are isn't easy; but she had to be honest about her feelings, and set you free.
You now must go through the gut-wrenching withdrawal to let her go. You build strength as you go. Learning to deal with grief and loss.
You bear with the agony, and fight your way back. You don't allow denial to torment you, and keep you ruminating or obsessing on a relationship that has to come to an end.
"Only time heals a broken heart;" to once again quote a tired old cliche. Like it or not, that's what each and every adult ending a relationship has to come to terms with.
She shouldn't be all you know. It's time to go out into the world and learn more.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (22 August 2014):
 Unfortunately you need to accept its over. I suggest you take her reason for the break up at face value or you will always look for that glimmer of light that there is hope. Don't hurt yourself and put off the inevitable that you have to move on without her.
You shared 9.5 years with her, treasure it and appreciate it but accept it was not meant to be. The sooner you accept its over, the sooner you will start the recovery process. By no means it will be easy but time will heal the paid and you will move on. If you don't accept it that she is gone, you will be alone stuck in the past.
Start your life with out her.
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