A
male
age
36-40,
*ay12toes
writes:Me and my gf have been together for over 4 years. She wanted to wait till we got married before having sex which is fine with me, thus we are both still virgins.The problem I'm having is that the relationship isn't going anywhere. She so afraid of going too far that she wont do anything physical. I don't see any reason why I can't feel her up or why we can't make out with our shirts off. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2008): Are you engaged? What's the timeline until marriage? Not sure if you want to get married? It might be reasonable to start the heavy petting once engaged, and then you wouldn't have to worry about so many surprises on the wedding night.
On the other hand, hopefully you wouldn't get engaged just to get some physical contact!
Personally I couldn't imagine getting married without knowing what's under the hood or whether I were sexually compatible with my mate, but that's just me...
A
male
reader, jay12toes +, writes (6 June 2008):
jay12toes is verified as being by the original poster of the question i apprieciate the advice but i think i need to specify that the waiting for sex isnt whats bothering me, its the fact that we dont do anything physical. im fine with waiting for marriege, i think its a great thing. i guess im concerned about jumping that large of a gap on our wedding night, oh which we are engaged. but it seems like jumping from makeing out with our clothes on, to haveing sex and seeing eachother naked for the first time would be really akward and a bit scary.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): so many relationships are put under stress because of a lack of communication.The 'agreement' made by the both of you is most admirable, but after 4 yrs, i can understand your frustration.I dont want to in any way discredit ur relationship but perhaps its also a trust issue to some small degree.I too have been with a girlfriend for just over four years, and weve been sexually active for 3 of those, being each other's first and only. Sometimes i feel we could hav waited longer but i in no way regret our timing, but if we had waited 4 yrs like yourselves, the first time experience would hav been so much more intense and meaningful and the anticipation levels would hav been 'off the chart'. Ultimately, Being with her for 4 years, im assuming u both want 2 marry eachother and hence, you'd do anything 2 make her and keep her happy, and that may mean waiting till shes ready...Not to scare you, but a friend of mine who WAS also in a long term relationship, had sex with his gf of 18 months, and then 1 yr down the line, had her telling him she was curious to see what it would be like to sleep with other guys, and it totally destroyed him. the relationship ended and hes not the same person anymore....think hard, if youve already waited 4 yrs, wait another 2 or 3......im sure it will be worth it!Good Luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): so many relationships are put under stress because of a lack of communication.
The 'agreement' made by the both of you is most admirable, but after 4 yrs, i can understand ur frustration.
I dont want to in any way discredit ur relationship but perhaps its also a trust issue to some small degree.
I too have been with a girlfriend for just over four years, and weve been sexually active for 3 of those, being eachothers first and only.
Sometimes i feel we could hav waited longer but i in no way regret our timing, but if we had waited 4 yrs like yourselves, the first time experience would hav been so much more intense and meaningful and the anticipation levels would hav been 'off the chart'.
Ultimately, Being with her for 4 years, im assuming u both want 2 marry eachother and hence, you'd do anything 2 make her and keep her happy, and that may mean waiting till shes ready...
Not 2 scare you, but a friend of mine who WAS also in a long term relationship, had sex with his gf of 18months, and then 1 yr down the line, had her telling him she was curious to see what it would b like to sleep with other guys, and it totally destroyed him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): stay w/ her, realtionships aren't all about bieng physical, get married, then u could take ur shirt off..
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A
male
reader, iamthesupreamegod +, writes (6 June 2008):
 i don't know... hmmm... since you two are waiting for marrage, you are probably religious. and if you are going to wait then that means that you can't do anything that involves that much physical activity... but if you really feel like you need to move things along... then i would advise sitting down and seriously talking about it... ask her what her concerns are and try to address them... don't be an ass about it though, cause losing your virginity can be a daunting experience, and a little awkward... and maybe she is afraid that the relationship will change in a way that is not favorable. look... don't dwell on it too much... things take time... and since you are still virgins you are (i would hope) still fairly young... you will have plenty of time for the hot lust sessions once your marrage vow are complete.
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