A
female
age
30-35,
*weetiebbchck
writes:Me and my partner have been together for about 4 months and want a baby. Is it to soon? Am I too young? I've known my partner for 4 years because he used to work at the stables I used to go to. I love babies so much i've always have ever since i can remember and I've wanted 1 for a long time. My mum says i need 2 enjoy my life firsts she says im still young my grandma says i'd be a brilliant mum because im really good with my 2 year old brother and my 5 mothn old cousin but she says im not ready yet and that 5 minutes after i've had a baby my partner will leave but she doesnt even know she's only met him for half and hour im not sure what to do im confused i need your advice please
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (13 June 2008):
 hey hunny
You get a job you relly care about and one day when your older and a little more settled then babys can come along, it took me 3 trys before I got my girl..You enjoy your life with david hunny TAKE CARE WITH LOTS OF LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
A
female
reader, sweetiebbchck +, writes (12 June 2008):
sweetiebbchck is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey thanks you've all been a great help :-)
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A
female
reader, sweetiebbchck +, writes (12 June 2008):
sweetiebbchck is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey pashanoodle we have had a problem one of his ex's was trying to split us up she was after him kept asking him to meet her and and asked him to do something and said if he did she would give him a kiss she was saying all this on messenger about a month ago and david my partner was here and i was on computer with him and we had problems with a lad from spain who i met last year on holiday and really liked him when he rang meor i rang him he kept saying really nice things to me which made me really want him and was confused as to who i wanted but i chose david my partner so yeah i messed him about a bit because of the spanish guy but now were ok i love him and he says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me were very happy :):):):) i really want a baby especially a girl but im not quite sure yet im thinking of doing a dog grooming course :)
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A
female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (8 June 2008):
 I agree with the other aunts - you should probably not rush into this. The decision to have a baby is not as simple as you make it sound - after all, you are bringing a child into the world who you will be responsible for. You want to make sure that when you do that that you can give him/her the best life possible. In my opinion, ideally that would include having a very strong, established relationship with the child's father - where both of you know each others strengths and weaknesses, where you have learned about each others values and beliefs, where you have a shared view of how you would parent a child....these things are really important!
It's wonderful that you are in love - and that you love children, but like Pepper27 says...having a baby isn;t at all like the "image" of parenthood portrayed in the media...your life changes HUGELY, and that baby will be beautiful but also very demanding!! It truly is alot of hard work!! The changes to life and the responsibility/demands of a newborn can place immense strain on ANY relationship - sleep deprivation, lack of time together, financial stress....these can all crop up!! I feel that a new relationship would be even more tested by a pregnancy/baby....you guys haven't yet had to deal with any major problems (I'm guessing)...you don;t know what your coping style as a couple is like yet...why don;t you give yourselves time to get to know each other and enjoy each other first.
I also do think your mum/gran are right when they say you need to live your life a bit first, have you established your own independent life as an adult yet - away from home? Your career? Travel? You really need to think about goals you may have that would be affected by the arrival of a baby...
I'm sure if you did go ahead and have a baby now that you would make the best of it and be a great mum, and there probably is never the "perfect time" to do it... but you are young and have plenty of time...so I'd recommend waiting in this case!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2008): Just ask him to get married and see what happens.
The simple fact is that getting married is a minor decision compared to having a baby. It's way cheaper, has way fewer lifetime consequences, and is much easier to reverse later.
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A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (6 June 2008):
Hi Hunny
You may have known your partner for 4yrs but you have only been together as a couple for 4 mths and I think this is far to soon to be thinking about having children. Yes they are cute they look lovely all snuggled up in there pram but when they cry none stop through the night and then again during the day, And your up to your eyes in nappys powder and milk and you cant go out when you want and enjoy your new relationship as you are so tired and you cant find a babysitter, So your guy ends up going out on his own and you are left alone to take care of the little one and you cant give this little one back because it belongs to you...Having a child and looking after someone elses for a day are two completely different things hunny...It was a total shock to me when I had my son and I was just 20 everything in my life changed so quickly.. I still had to work even though I had a child as we needed money and I would be looking after my son all day and working 3 nights a week in a nursing home and then coming home from work to take over again...I had no energy at all and when I could sleep I couldnt because I was on my nerves he would wake up soon for a feed, Oh boy dont get me wrong I love my son to bits he is nearly 6" now and doesnt cry half as much, But what Im trying to say to you is please hunny think very carfully about this you may have always loved babys but I would wait spend some qualitiy time with your new b/f the relationship is just begining hunny get to know your guy really well have some fun together go traveling see the world together and when you have been together awhile and see how you connect as a couple then think about having children sweetheart, Listen to your mum and gran they know what they are talking about hunny...WITH LOTS OF LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, Star_07  +, writes (6 June 2008):
 I think this is too soon, considering you have only been with your boyfriend for only 4 months. It is very rare that people can get married or have children this soon and have a lasting, healthy relationship. You are still getting to know your partner and have a lot to learn before deciding to have a child with him. Listen to your mother/grandmother, they have a lot of insight to offer you, after all, they are mothers and know what it's like. Take your time and experience the world, get to know him over a few years and then see if you are ready still.
Take Care!
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (6 June 2008):
 well theirs plenty time to have children. but you and your partner would need to live together and see how well you work as a team as a happy home is the best place to start for a child, second is alot of hard work, third now with prices of things also expensive for a child..i myself am not contemplating children for maybe 10 years i want to enjoy my life before settling down i want to have a stable home and a partner that is in a stable relationship for atleast 5 years.. but thats my own preference..so all i can say is. give it some time see how well your relationship holds. and are you living together ? if not that be something to look at before thinking of a child. a bird doesnt hatch eggs on a tree it makes a nest first.. hope that helps aphexy x
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