A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hiya, ive been with danny for over 2 years, we have had a real bad time but always comme through. the last couple of months we were arguing alot and then we split up for a month. last week we bumped into each other and on a good note decided to give it another go- putting the past behind us. i needed to know whether he had slept with anyone and he said no. last night i found a girls number on his mobile then he told me everything. he had slept with this girl when we had broke up. was he in the wrong for not telling me or for actually sleeping with her? i had still had feelings for him and i didn't sleep or kiss anyone.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2008): This is kind of like what men feel when they hear about their GF's past sex life. You know it's not fair to be mad but every little bit of it hurts like hell.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2008): I went through the excat same thing, my bf and i were together for 3 years,, always breaking up,, and with each break up it only lasted 3 weeks tops, then last august we broke up and we weren't even split 5 days and he came to me crying telling me he had slept with someone, BECAUSE he was hurt..Well I thought i was the girl that would never take him back after that. But to be fair to him,,we were broke up..BUT at the same time it hurt like hell. You feel like you meant nothing to them, after being together for so long and having them do that in such a short period of time. I NEEDED to know everything,, every little detail..trust me the less u know the better. I obsessed about it, about her, i checked her fb,, i watched where she worked, just to make sure he wasn't around there. Then one day I thought,, you know,,,If you want to make this relationship work, you have to forgive and let go...and it helps if he is truly sorry.. I can honestly say that it takes a while. Its june Now,, and i think i may have finally let it go last month..LONG time Eh!! Something like this can destroy you guys, If u hang onto it. So Try to deal with it all as fast as posible..it doesn't mean he will do this to you again. My bf and i are still together today, but we don't talk about her. It was a mistake,, everyone makes them,,let him have his one mistake and try your best to forgive him. Because if you work at it,, you can make your relationship work and trust him again.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (10 June 2008):
 Ahhh, I am so reminded of Ross and Rachel from the show Friends. "WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!" (at least, that was Ross's point of view)
Well, I have to feel bad for your fella. He was hurt, on the rebound and was super dumb by lying to you about his little fling. But still, if you two love each other, I would forget about it and just enjoying being together. As "Lightningrod247" reminds you, please make sure it was safe sex and double check with a STI exam just to be sure.
But, it's not as if I wouldn't be mad too. It's okay to feel mad... your man was out being intimate with someone else. That sucks. I feel you. But, as "HisKitten" says... everybody deals with hurt in different ways.
If you two were happy and want to try and make it work, go for it girl.
xx India
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): If you were truly broken up then there's noting wrong with what he did.
If the situation was reversed, what would you think of it? What if you had started seeing someone else during the break-up but he hadn't, and now he had a problem with it?
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A
female
reader, lightningrod247 +, writes (10 June 2008):
He should have told you for your own safety I think. Was it safe sex? Condoms aren't even 100% effective. Just on that basis alone a little knowledge would have beeh the responsible thing to do.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (10 June 2008):
 Hi
Good question. Officially, you had split, so its not like he cheated. But 2 things would have me wondering, 1: The fact he lied about it and 2: The fact he forgot you quick enough to move on into someones bed, after i pressume, telling you he loved you for 2 years? Thats pretty quick to move on. As you said, you didn't even feel like kissing someone. But i guess girls and guys are wired differently!
But strictly speaking, he didn't cheat. And at the time was a free agent.
C xxxxx
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