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We split up but he suggested a FWB arrangement. Should I do it?

Tagged as: Friends with Benefits, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 July 2012) 6 Answers - (Newest, 16 July 2012)
A female United States age , anonymous writes:

I've met this man right after I ended my marriage of 20 years. It was so nice to feel being wanted and loved again. He is 16 years older than me. Four years on I don't love him any more. He is not a caring person and just enjoy being looked after by me. We live in separate home and he's got no children or family. He comes back after a month we've split up and suggests if we can still have sex while we are looking for someone else. I do miss sex but should I go for it. Please advice.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (16 July 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntI would not... I believe you've posted about him before and are trying to split up with him.

FWB will just keep you tied to him.

if you miss the sex and just the sex find a younger guy to play with... one who is interested in bagging a cougar as they say...

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A female reader, IamJess United Kingdom +, writes (15 July 2012):

IamJess agony auntWhats the point when you don't have feelings for him? Sex is meant to be an emotional thing, you might miss sex but do you really miss sex with him? I don't think you should, if he's not caring he's not worth it. Just turn around and say no, let go of him, to find someone else that is worth it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2012):

Keeping having sex till you both find someone else? This isn't a temp job. If you don't have feelings for him why would you put yourself through it. It would be easier to put a plaster on your knee and rip it off every couple of weeks. Thats how useful it would be.

Take some time for yourself, do other things. Companionships comes in various forms, not just a sexual relationship. Good Luck

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (15 July 2012):

Honeypie agony auntI wouldn't advice doing it either. I would just cut him out of your life 100%. Keeping him around even for a FWB will hold you back from finding someone decent IMHO.

Let's say you start dating again and the guy is "perfect" but he was involved in a FWB to "hold" him over til he met you. How would you feel about that? I personally think, people need to cut the crap with this "instant gratification". Some things are worth waiting for.

You felt he was "just" using you before and suggesting a FWB is using you? Because you give consent?

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A male reader, MikeEa1 Australia +, writes (15 July 2012):

MikeEa1 agony auntbondgirl72 is so right. why would you complicate your life with an uncaring person just for a bit of sex. I'm a male who needs more sex than women and I wouldn't do it. my guess is that he just wants you on board emotionally again. relationships are complicated. don't let yourself be used. you need to find your own space and move on. fwb is counterproductive to that.

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A female reader, BondGirl72 United States +, writes (15 July 2012):

BondGirl72 agony auntI would advise you against it unless you feel you can absolutely keep your emotions separate. Most people can't. Besides this, why would you want to have sex with someone who isn't caring? I'm hung up on that statement. How are you going to feel then if he finds someone else and still continues to want to have sex with you? Or, you find someone and he still wants to have sex? This just makes things very complicated and I would decline.

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