A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone! i wrote in before this but i just want to share everything that has been happening in details. So about 2.5yrs back i got into online chats and all, in 2009. I did have some frends back then while i was doing my diploma but well friends just dont stay long with me. First off i suffer from anxiety disorder. I cant be specific but there has been numerous nights that i spent lieing on the bed thinking of things that possibly noone will even pay attention to. I have taken medications in the past to calm my thoughts down and reduce my anxiety and have done alot to help myself cope with this anxiety. Trust me it's been really hard. I used to spend alot of time on skype with online friends. Guys and girls, we used to chat all day long on the chat space. My life pretty much revolved around this chat friends. Because of my anxiety condition i refrain from getting close to anyone in real life and chat was an escape from all the drama that happened in real life; there was alot i have coped with. You can call me a neurotic introvert. Now i really am not making excuses for this but i do suffer from a condition that has affected days of my sleep. I have a best friend that cares more about her boyfriend, this has forced me to move away from her as well. Now i am in uni and im still introverted and tend not to get close with friends because of my social anxiety fears. This can strike anytime and when this anxiety attacks come it takes over my mind and body. I'm not very attractive, very average looking person that has never gotten much attention from friends. Every since school days i have always been the last option kind of friend that people do not speak to much. Its the case of people being attracted to attractive people. Not being typical but im just telling what has happened in my life. Even in uni when i make an afford to talk to people, often im not paid attention to.If you know what social anxiety is you can relate to my situation. I have stopped all anxiety medications, and prefer to be alone most of the time. i like doing things alone.Sorry to divert but yes like i said my life revolved around the chat circle uptill people left one by one. People got busy with their lives and even i did with work and all. I fell in love with a guy from the chat circle last 2years back, i have met him this year but he never loved me back. We still are pretty close friends now. So there is this other guy and we are really close now. We flirt often saying i love you and all on the phone. He has been very close too me and recently we've grown very fond of each other. We skype and are really close to each other. Lately we fight alot and it's hard for me to expresss my feelings or just tell him that i need him to reciprocate because we have not directly confessed to each other. Should i tell him i love him? He is just not serious at all but makes me feel like im the one for him but then again he does not say he loves me but is possesive when i speak to other guys. I just dont know how to confess to him. Its really hard for me to make new friends and i refrain from this. I have a close cousin i confide in alot. This guy means alot to me and this is really getting to me. Im starting to feel alone and thoughts keep running through my mind when im home trying to get school work done. I cant concentrate.
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best friend, cousin, fell in love, flirt, I love you Reply to this Question
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female
reader, turnergohard +, writes (21 July 2012):
If u thank that u love this person yea u just need to get to no him a lot better..
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2012): Hi, i am not upset at all thank you so much for ur response i really do appreciate it! lots of love :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2012): hi im the same person who has mentioned hi dear above.....
sorry
seems like u r hurt by my answer..... sorry abt it....
do wat ur heart says....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2012): Hi im the OP. janniepeg i do not want to result to CBT, nooone at home knows about my medication and the problem i face. This anxiety has been with me since childhood and i sort help when i was 20, just two years back. Psychologists and those sort of therapists are costly and im just a student.Next i did not tell this guy just to see his reaction, i genuienly like him and why cant i be happy with him if in all it permits? now not everyone finds true love beside them do they? i'm being negative but really if this could work, i want him in my life coz right now he's the only person that really makes me happy. I've lost some really close friends in the past and have nearly gone into depression state i do not wish to say, thats another reason i do not like getting close to anyone. I have done yoga for my anxiety, helped for a while before i got really busy. I will definitely try meditation. oldbag im not always on the PC and skype. I used to do that alot, but have completely surpassed that phase. Im concentrating on my degree right noW. i do dress up and makeup and love shopping like any other gal, im just average looking despite all this and i do not feel sorry for myself at all. What im saying is all my life i've never been noticed by friends and it takes a long time before someone gets close to me. Im not blaming the society, that is the reason i have stopped caring and thats also the reason i do not liek having close friends. i have insecurites and maybe low self esteem as well. Now this guY X is not a random guy, i speak to him and know how he looks, he knows how i look. I trust him completely,and he shows alot of affection on me. I know its easy to say its just a virtual world, but trust me im not dwelling on this. I have to concentrate on my studies, which is becoming hard for me. I will definitely consider all your adivises but i just want to know should leave this guy? from all you advises it seems like i should. I dont want to get my heart broken again. i know all this "virtual" relationships do not last, how do i completely avoid him? he calls me and if i do not respond he says he missed me alot. :( im still at a very confused state :'(
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (15 July 2012):
 You should only say I love you when you feel like it, without reservations. You don't say it to see if the other person will say it back. There are people who wear their heart on their sleeves but one thing I can't do is say I love you when I don't feel the other person is serious. You go online looking for true love, while other people use the internet for an escape or to fill time. Basically whatever's online is not serious for them. To get people to understand you you have to find a guy just like yourself, and then slowly ease into a real relationship with physical contact. I understand why you don't like medications but perhaps behavioral congnitive therapy would help.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2012): hi dearu have said u r not close to many friends and u get anxiety...the solution for anxiety is meditation.... it had a great power... just wake up early in the morning and do meditation.... sit in a calm place and just concentrate on ur breath for half hour... u sd not think anything else in this time... if thought come also u must avoid it and juat take deep breaths and concentrate only on ur breaths....wen u get angry and remove frustration ... wen u feel u r going to get angry just get out of the room or where u r staying and take 5 to 10 deep breaths and drink a glass of water and say ur self everything will be fine happens sometimes and get back....and coming to friendsi have been close to many many friends in my life....i never show wat im not...even im not a great looking girl... im a casual looking girl too.....but im happy with wat im...beauty is not everything...its just a part ... i never ever hide any things from them... im very much open to them.... i have never done show off...i express wat i feel.... i think so ... thats the reason my friends like me even i love them....i talk a lottt... and also allow friends to talk.... v hang out and have lot of fun....and yaa dear i have online friends.. but the number is only 2..... because i dont trust online friendship much...coming to ur relationship..... if u know that person personally and met him many times... and if u think that u can be with him all ur life... if u have quarelled plzz do apologise... nothing is wrong in it....say i love u.... if the same is from u wd like to be with u all my life and make our life happy....if its negative from him..... dear u just cant force ppl to love us....just stop speaking to him for few days and see his reaction... u will come to know whether he loves u...hmm he reacts well to u later....hope my suggestion helps youbye bye..have a great life ahead....
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (15 July 2012):
 Hi
Phew, where to start, you need to get off the PC, Skype, and get your 'condition' treated, asap. This isolation is not healthy, if you can communicate online you can face to face with your friends and colleagues. See a doctor and a therapist fast.
If you don't like the way you look DO something about it,change your hair,make-up clothes,take up exercise, dont just sit feeling sorry for yourself. Your lifes passing you by as you chat to men online, a cyber relationship. Your not in love, you have never met or shared life experience alongside them, no memories of dates and the first kiss etc never met your family,had xmas together....
You have your health,youth intelligence and the big world to explore - stop getting infatuated with random men you chat too on a PC and get out there and sort your life out.Find a charity to help with too, one evening or day a week looking after others less fortunate.
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A
female
reader, cute angel  +, writes (15 July 2012):
 Huni,
This guy is someone you met online,so all seems hunky dory right now but you need to snap yourself out of this dream world..may be you like the person but 'LOVE'??don't u think you should meet himm first in a public place,go on a couple of dates..see how its with each other in person and come out of the virtual world your living in..
You'v been disappointed once and I don't think making this move is right for you now,only because this guy is somone who you know based on what he has told you,u don't knw if its right or wrong your just accepting whatever is given to you,ur knowlegdge about him is limited..you may never know if he has a girlfriend already and is just passing his time here,y would he tell you?he won't..see there are two sides to the coin,he may be genuinely interested and truthful or the opposite so don't take chance and jump to anything and say you love him..get to know each other plan to meet,and then you can see about the rest..be practical!
As far as ur anxiety disorders go?why have you stopped your medications,have you taken help?
Why don't you join some clubs or take up classes your interested in may be jive,salsa,painting,drawing classes?it will take your mind off things and you will have a social life..there are a lot of people who are secretive and don't share much but sometimes even such people need closure..
If your comfortable with your cousin talk to him or her,whetever is on your mind may be it will help..
As far as this online guy goes I would say telling him you love him is not the appropriate thing to do now..!I might sound harsh but I think its the best for you..
Good luck hun x
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