A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I just want opinions. I have known a man for over 3 months now.We met online, we Skype regularly, he's amazing. We talk everyday. He lives 2 hours away from me.The only thing is he is 34 and I am 18.I want to be with him so bad. Is this wrong ? He makes me feel loved.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2018): He "makes" you feel loved does he.
Who does?
He watches porn and he's into teenage flesh. When someone makes you do something, isn't that manipulation or force? So he asked you to go to the porn convention with him. Wow, he's 34 and watching porn and telling you you're not initiating sex and you're only 18. You've got yourself a winner there kiddo. congrats! PErsonally. I wouldn't call for IT.
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (29 October 2018):
 Any man that is trying to get a girl half his age into bed is a creep in my eyes. I’d say there’s a reason why he’s not pursuing females his own age. Avoid like the plague, you are barely starting adulthood and he’s old enough to be your father.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2018): Oh, you're already too far in. He's using your age and inexperience to mold you into what he wants. Please listen to us -- none of us think it's wise to keep talking to him and it's not for no reason. You asked for advice because it didn't feel right and your instincts were correct, after reading that he turned his actions on you by saying he felt unwanted.
He followed them because he wanted to. He didn't do it because you don't initiate but that was a good excuse to get you to feel responsible for it.
You say: I’ll take the advice that has been given and try to initiate and see.
But none of us are giving you advice to initiate. We're all trying to get you to see that his behaviour is not safe or genuine, neither can your relationship be equal when you're only on the cusp of adulthood. You're not yet mature enough to be in a relationship with someone so much older -- that's nothing against you; it's just natural because we don't fully mature until we're 25.
I know he makes you feel loved but he's had your whole lifetime to practice charming young women who are naive and easy to "catch". Please talk to your parents. If you won't, it's not as above board as you want to believe.
If he is on your level, that's a bad sign. You physically can't be on his life level yet. Relationships need to be equal in mind and yours can't be without him being immature and/or shady. A man of 34 would only be interested in a teenager because she's easier to manipulate and women closer to his age would see right through him.
I wish you'd trust us but I don't think you will because he makes you feel grown up.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (28 October 2018):
 No! You're already intimate? Oh, gosh, OP. You barely know the guy and you're barely an adult. He's already turned his porn star stuff on you by saying he "felt unwanted because you don't initiate". You shouldn't be initiating anything with each other.
I'm sorry, OP, but this isn't a healthy or equal relationship - it's hooking up. He's focusing on the fact that he can have a barely legal lover. I hope you realise this and dump him before you really get hurt, but I think you want to feel more adult than you are (you're not supposed to be at your age) and won't listen to the advice to get rid of him and find someone closer to your age and life stage. He's taking advantage of your naivety :/
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A
female
reader, vanedoodles  +, writes (28 October 2018):
Hey! Thanks all for your comments. So I thought I should clear things up. He did invite me to go with him to the convention. Nor does he want me to be like a Porn Star in bed. When I told him how following them made me feel he did delete the account. And he said that he thought about why he followed them and it’s because he feels unwanted because I don’t initiate. And to be fair he has brought this to my attention other times and I don’t reciprocate when it comes to it. I’ll take the advice that has been given and try to initiate and see. But at the moment my greatest thing is insecurity, I get disrespected that he followed them. It makes me compare myself and feel like he didn’t do that with his other exes. Am I not good enough? Is there something about my body? Or he must’ve been way more satisfied with his other exes that he didn’t do that. And that feeling is hard to go away.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 October 2018):
 He is ALMOST twice you age... and you think this is love?
This is an OLDER (compared to you) GROWN ASS man GROOMING you ONLINE to think that he LOVES you and that age gap means nothing. However, it does. You aren't even a FULLY grown adult, being 18 is still being a TEENAGER.
Also it's EASY to come off as a great guy online. Knowing what to say to make you feel good, ISN'T hard. After all, he has PLENTY of years experience on you.
What do you REALLY have in common? I'm almost 50, so if I found a guy around 25 (half my age) do you really think he and I would have things in common that would amount to anything SINCERE and GENUINE?
Have you met him in person? Has he asked for naughty things on Skype? Have you seen his Facebook page? ( I ask that because that is the easiest way to sleuth about someone as most people are stupidly unaware of how much personal stuff they put out there) That means HE can also glean ALL kind of personal info about you which can make him seem like he has SO MUCH more in common with you than he really does.
You are playing with fire, OP
An older guy chatting up a teenager... how mature do you think he is?
MANY guys think that a younger woman/girl is less "trouble" than someone their own age. She is also easier to manipulate and "mold" for HIS own end.
Now I'm not saying ALL older guys are just after your "innocence" but I think it's FAR more likely that his intentions aren't good.
THIS is something you SENSE too, OR you wouldn't have written this post.
IF you still decide to meet up, DO it in public (NOT in his town, but in YOURS (not your home) MAKE sure family, friends know where and when you are meeting him and that you CHECK in AFTER you meet up. MAKE the meeting short (an hour for coffee/lunch). And DO NOT let him drive you home (or walk you home), DO NOT get in a car with him.
I know it FEELS great to have this attention from a guy. But you also have to consider if this is a GOOD idea or just a fantasy.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (27 October 2018):
This is dangerous. I’m sorry, OP; I know what it’s like to crave love, but a man nearly twice your age is not where you should try to get it from.No decent 34 year old man will be genuinely interested in someone who’s only just begun adulthood and is still a teenager. Please take these warnings. Find a guy closer to your age. The last thing you want is to be used by an “old man” (in comparison). This will only end in heartache and hopefully nothing worse.I know he’ll seem nice and charming, but you need to block him. Why would a man with his life together want a girl who’s just starting hers and won’t have it remotely together for years? It’s not equal, unless he doesn’t have his life together and you don’t want a 34y/o who’s life is still a mess at his age.Please listen to us. The red flags are going for all of us because it’s so easy to be seduced online, especially by an older guy, but you’re young and it’s not a genuine love or relationship you can have with him.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (27 October 2018):
 Please stop immediately! You know next to nothing about a man who's sitting behind a computer and for all you know, painting a rosy picture to trap you. If you were my daughter, to say that I would be horrified out of my wits is an understatement. He's almost double your age, you don't know what his intentions are, your parents most likely dont know about him...I shudder to even think of where this is going.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2018): How do can feel loved by someone whom you've never met in-person? You're fantasizing over the idea of him! It's nowhere near love! It's teenage hormones in overdrive!
Your feelings come from naivete, the lack of experience, and fascination; because he's older. Not to mention, he has probably talked a smooth game; and played his way into your gullible impressionable teenage-mind. Counting on you to have daddy-issues!
Would you introduce him to your parents? Is everything planned and done in secret? Have you told your folks about him? Will you?
Are you absolutely sure he isn't married and doesn't have a girlfriend? Most older-guys after teenage girls have a game and an angle. That plan is to get you in bed; because he knows you'll easily go for the sweet-talk, and your imagination and fantasies will get the better of you.
If you're not keeping him a secret, and he's willing to meet your parents; go for it!
Why do I think that will never happen? Instead, you'll arrange a secret meeting, that could end in all sorts of very bad ways. You met him on the internet, and that could end-up all sorts of crazy!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2018): Sweetie, he is using you as his fantasy and his escape from real life and very possibly a girlfriend or wife. You'll never know because he'll never tell you about her. This is not real. It's not serious. Add in the distance and age factor and this is doomed. If you want a little fun with him, see it for what it is. You're getting too involved and you will break your own heart. Take it from someone with more life experience.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (27 October 2018):
 I just have alarm bells ringing all over each time I read this, and so many questions ….
have you met in person, who does he live with, is he employed, has he met your parents and your friends, does he work, what sort of work, what do you know about his family?
And you, do you work, have friends to hang out with, get on well with your family, was he able to see something vulnerable in you that might have drawn him to you?
I understand you want to be with him, your pheromones will be working overtime, and all your good sense has flown out the window ….. so
STOP.
Take a deep breath, read my questions, think about the answers … if they lead to your own set of questions then write them down. Talk to an older woman whose instincts are usually switched on and whose opinion you trust.
Don't rush into anything and don't make rash promises, if you cant find somebody to talk to come back here, we care about you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2018): You have got what is commonly known as a 'crush ' and most men that age would see it for what it is and sidestep even if it's a boost to the ego a young girl likes them.
Others will encourage it and take it further, true you are an adult but the life experience will be vast between you and unless he is a bit stupid he will know full well this to be the case.
My advice, stop Skype chats, to out with friends your own age and get to know people face to face, you really don't know this man, who else he talks to and his motives but my guess is he is NOT as innocent as you x
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (27 October 2018):
 Had to laugh. Of course he makes you "feel loved". He's had nearly as many years of practice making your girls "feel loved" as you have been alive!
While age gaps do not necessarily have to be a problem, you two are at very different stages of your life. You know nothing about this man except what he has chosen to tell you. Please tread carefully.
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