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female
,
*hattieme
writes: This has never happened before to me. I have been seeing this man for about three weeks. We talk every day on the phone for hours so I feel like we know a lot about each other. We have both been in past bad relationships and I lost my financee about one year ago. Tonight S came over to watch a movie (we are both in our 40's) things got out of hand and we ended up in bed together. Afterwards S got so upset that he let it go this far and was crying. I asked him if there was regrets and he said, yes. He said that he wanted to wait until we knew each other more. I tried to talk to him saying that there are a lot of differant stages in a relationship and that what happened tonight happened and we were both adults and it should not be that big of deal. I myself think that he is so afraid of being hurt that he destroys a relationship without giving it a chance. Yes I know maybe we should of waited but what happened did and it is not like it is a one night stand or anything. He was so upset that he said he could not stay and had to leave which made me feel worse. I asked him if there was something that he has not told me and he said no. Being in your 40's and not having someone in your life is hard. Any advise on what to do or say if anything at all, or am I the one that is wrong?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, LucidCupid +, writes (18 October 2005):
When guys start getting interested in a woman,they create a time-line in their head as to when they'd like things to happen and in what order.For most,sex is pretty much at the very front of that line,but for some,it's way down the track.As it is for me.I met a beautiful girl a few weeks ago and we're getting along so well it's like a dream,but I want to do this right,and take things slowly,and NOT jump in bed with her at the first opportunity.And maybe S had the same intentions,but is now pi**ed off with himself for doing the typical guy thing and thinking with his 'little' head instead.And yes,he could also be scared of getting hurt again,but going by his reaction,there's something else going on there.He could even be thinking that he's stuffed up his chance at a relationship with you by 'jumping the gun'.That you think he's just a 'typical male,after one thing',even though you tried to reassure him.Don't blame yourself for this.Tell him that everything's still okay between you and try and get him to open up as to why he reacted like that,I'm sure in time he'll tell you.
A
female
reader, lillaum  +, writes (15 October 2005):
 Hi there!
Men need time too! most people get the impression that it is just women who need time to step things up a level, but it's not true. He probably just wants time to trust you more before he makes love to you. Most people are told that only women make love and men have sex, again this is not true. Ok, what happend, happend, but it obviously is a big deal to him. most people think that it is just men who are insensitive, again thats just not true. Talk to him, accept that it is a big deal to him. Let him know that you understand and try not to be discouraged or offended. Yes you are both adults but when we feel vulnerable it doesn't always feel like that does it? not only women feel vulnreable. Take it slow you could be on to a good thing here.
Good Luck
Lillaum
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