A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My husband does not want to have sex. I am not unattractive, active and in very good shape for my age. We have not had sex in 12 years. When I ask him why he says he will try but never does. If he has a problem with ED would he tell me? If he does not want to have sex I would think he would want me to be satisfied? I know he loves me, and I just can't understand what keeps him from seeking help. I have wondered if he wants someone else or is just content to not try at all. I am attractive to other men, just not to the one I would like. Can you give me some advise? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (15 July 2009):
 I'd be willing to bet it's one of two things: He's embarrassed to seek help over this problem, (and embarrassed to talk to you about it as well) or he's getting it somewhere else. Only you know him well enough to decide which one applies. But a marriage without sex is, well....a roommate.
A
male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (15 July 2009):
 My advice is to keep talking to him. Twelve years is an awful long time to be celibate when you didn't want to be. You must be pretty frustrated with the whole situation. He may be suffering from physical symptoms like ED, or he may be suffering from a psychological disorder which causes ED. I am astonished that in so many marriages there is so little communication from men to their wives. Keep talking to him. Tell him how you feel. Ask him what makes him think that you do not want sex, and ask him to be honest with you about why he doesn't want any. My mind is spinning with reasons why he wouldn't want you. You both sleep in the same bed? Have you noticed him getting erections? Does he have opportunities to masturbate? While you are working towards getting answers, I would get out your sex toys when you are both in bed, and explain that you have needs, no matter what his are. If he wants to join in, thats good. Knowing or seeing your wife masturbate is exceedingly sexy for MOST men. But even if he doesn't, don't stop talking about your sex life with him. Eventually he will open up.
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A
female
reader, Jayney Y +, writes (15 July 2009):
 Hmm, I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings, but that's a really bad sign! If he's not suffering from depression, or any other illness which affects sex drive, and he doesn't have ED, I would be thinking the worst. Does he spend much time away from home? Presuming that's he's a normal male and isn't a monk, do you really think that he hasn't had sex in 12 years? Loving someone and being in love are two different things, and maybe you need to ask him outright if he's still attracted to you, because if he isn't, then you should maybe think about a major life change while you're still young and attractive and have time to find someone else. Good luck, :)
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