A
male
age
30-35,
*lue_Roses
writes:My girlfriend and I have been together for almost two months now as I write this. The beginning of our relationship was happy and fun, and we can still almost sense each other's feelings and thoughts. I love her very deeply, and I know she loves me, and I don't want it to end. I really don't. We're very intimate and I don't want to hurt her and I don't want to be hurt, but when we're on the phone, there's these long silent pauses when neither of us can think of what to say. We can still go out on dates and have fun, but we have trouble talking and confessing our feelings. Please, someone give me some advice on how to repair our relationship to the happy way it used to be. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2007): Well, I don't know what others think but maybe it's not the phone at all. Maybe she's just afraid of what you might or might not think. I'm also having communication problems with my boyfriend, so I might be able to relate. Do You listen to her fully? Do you get upset or frusterated, etc.? Those factors can affect how she reacts to you. Maybe she's just shy. If she is, she's most likely thinking someone might get hurt, so she clams up. Do you talk to her face-to-face? These kind of things cannot be talked through over a phone, computer,etc. at best. You need to sit down with her, with absolutely no distractions, and spill. Not all at once, but gently, give her time to speak through to you. Look into her (her eyes and her soul) you may just as well see what she sees in you. Are you shy? No offense, but it could be you too. It takes at LEAST two people to make a working conversation, otherwise that habit could sink into other things as well; love. If you continue to have one-sided conversations, I can almost guarantee your relationship will be one-sided as well. Dont't talk to eachother, SPEAK to eachother. Ever hear the song "The Sound of Silence" ? I think it's by the Beatles. Listen to it sometime. Do you feel pressurred to talk to her or spend more time than you have to with her? Because there might be aconfusion between her /you wanting to talk and possessiveness. If she asks you to listen, do it. It wont hurt to work things out. It's not like she's asking you to spend every minute of every day, is it? You must understand, just as guys need "man time", ladies also need their time, but that does NOT mean all the time. How much time do you spend with her? Not just around her, but actually sharing moments. If you don't see her much, do the little stuff. You know notes, or surprise hugs. Something like that. You don't need to go all out to show her your love. Just as long as she KNOWS. Communicate your feelings. Keep nothing back. If there's a problem, work it out immediately. You two need to be completely open with eachother. It's not the phone conversations that's important, it's the fact that you two love eachother and KNOW it. If you two can see it in eachother's eyes, there really is no need for words. Good luck, and remember to be completely honest.
A
male
reader, Blue_Roses +, writes (26 April 2007):
Blue_Roses is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys. I'll try what you've suggested. We seem to communicate more through IMs and phone texts, so we're giving that a shot, but I try to do as much as I can for her, and she does the same. Also, XXpussycatXX, she says she trusts me, and she says that for her, it's a big jump (problems with people early in life) so I'm hoping she really does. I look forward to more advice! Thank you so much.
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A
female
reader, Enzian  +, writes (26 April 2007):
 Hi Dear
I think, there is nothing to repair, because there is nothing brocken yet. It seams to me that this is not really a communictaion problem, but no very much liking to talk on the phone. Some people don't like this. My boyfriens is also one of them, so I know a little what I'm talking about ;-) He preferes seeing me and doing things with me and talk on other occasions when he wants to discuss somthing, want to know how I am or likes to tell me how he is and what he is doing. But not on the phone. So when we phone, he wants to stopp after 10 or 15 minutes (for me that is hard ;-) and we agreed to not enforce long phone calls. You could do the same. For example you could phone for 5 minutes or so (because probably both of you don't like talking on the phone) when you would like to hear the others voice and besides communicate in other ways like e-mails, text messages and of course when you see each other. Enjoy your dates and have fun!
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A
male
reader, lupa-k  +, writes (26 April 2007):
Not everyone is necessarily comfortable with telephone conversations, and it can sometimes be easy to read into long, awkward silences that occur here. In fact, similar silences no doubt occur when you are face to face but normally its easier not to worry about as you can get a more thorough sense of interaction by seeing someones face and knowing whether they are content this way.
I'd try not to worry about it, and focus on doing as many special things together as possible when you are in each others company. Maybe rather than telephone conversations you could text or email - she might feel more comfortable with that and there are no awkward silences that way round. But I'm sure that things are fine, as you say you are still able to be very intimate so use, and cherish this fact
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A
female
reader, XXpussycatXX +, writes (26 April 2007):
hya hun
well some people find it rather difficult to talk on the phone beacause you cant see the other people talking i dont think you have got anything to worry about cos as you said you two are very intamite so why dont you txt her you prob would find that easier and besides it cheaper and you wont have and awkward silents...if you want her to open up you need to sit down and open up to her and slowly and gradually she will start to trust you and open up to you at the same time so good luck
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