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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My BF and I broke up about a month ago over several issues that have existed in our relationship for quite some time. During our relationship, we broke up a couple of times, but have managed to work through them, talk it out and re-build our relationship. Last month, he had enough of the fighting and called it quits. We have been under a lot of stress. We moved into our new home in November, then I lost my job a week later. He has been financially supporting us since then while I look for a job. He also hates his work A LOT and feels stuck because he can't leave. He has applied to so many places in the last year, and no one has hired him. It has been a build up of stuff that life has thrown our way. Sure we had our issues as a couple but have managed to be strong enough to work through and get help when we needed it. I just don't understand how all these things can happen all at once.I don't believe in coincidences so that's why I'm thinking this is all for good reason of how much we really love each other and can move past the "real" issues that people in relationships go through.What do you think?
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female
reader, Cayola  +, writes (21 February 2011):
Hello there,
It sounds like you are still completely in love with this person. Although you may not like to hear it, it's time to move on.
Things were clearly not working out for you, and as the saying goes, when you really love someone, its best to let them go.
Do this for yourself. Accept the fact, that you have to move on, that you will find someone else, and you will fall in love with them. This may take some time, but I'm sure if you stay strong you will make it through.
This is just something that you have been given in life to deal with and will make you a better and stronger person...
All the best,
Cayola XxX
A
male
reader, Wheeler  +, writes (21 February 2011):
 The two things that break up more couples than anything else are money and sex.And this is not necessarily a bad thing. You are getting a crash course in what life will be like with your partner if you go through hard times. This is why I think it is so important to continue working through it and communicating. What you may realize is that you have a very different view of money, standard of living, and how to get from point A to point B in life. If so, then he may not be the right person for you.You may find that you two share perspectives on these struggles, in which case you will grow closer and be more resolved to get through these difficulties.My question is are the two of you on the same side? Is this a situation where the two of you are committed to the relationship for the long term, and have just been thrown a bunch of really testing situations that have piled up and are threatening to destroy the relationship?Or are the two of you not coming from the same place right now? Either way, it can be endured. If you truly love each other.My suggestion, if you are interested, is to remove as much of the negative pressure from the relationship as possible. If living together is causing fireworks, then move out when money permits (sounds like that may have already happened). If there are many issues regarding money and employment, then resolve to set aside the other arguments or discussions that you may want to get out of your system.Try to get back to a place where the time you spend together is positive, and reminds both of you why you chose to be in a relationship. I know this is easy for someone to say, but I can promise you that too much negative will never result in positive. And time apart can make things better. Even if it is just a little less. I have said before that taking time to be apart when there has been a lot of tension or arguing can be much more helpful than we realize. When you take some time apart, even if it is just a few days, the negative issues tend to be the first to fade, leaving the positive behind to remind us why we love someone. If you really need to discuss something in particular that you know may be negative, wait until you are both in a rational, well-rested, and positive place.Hope this has made sense and been helpful.Hope for the best!
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A
male
reader, firstlovelastlove  +, writes (21 February 2011):
 "It has been a build up of stuff that life has thrown our way. Sure we had our issues as a couple but have managed to be strong enough to work through and get help when we needed it." I think problems come from both within the relationship and outside the relationship. I think if there are problems within the relationship (i.e. personality, behavior, etc.) they are a lot harder to solve than things life "throws our way".
I agree with CaringGuy that ya maybe "you are more committed than he is" and this is "a sign" to call it a day. I wish I could be more optimistic but it's kinda hard to come up with anything else given the limited information here.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (21 February 2011):
I think your relationship is over, to be honest. I believe that for a couple to truly make it work, they can't consistently be breaking up then trying to mend it.
You've got an on/off relationship with this guy in truth. You get together, then when the going get tough you both end it and then try to work it out afterwards. A committed, happy, truly loved-up couple won't throw the towel in then try to fix it. They'll just get on with fixing it. Your boyfriend has yet again just thrown in the towel and just ended it without any real thought as to what happens next. He hasn't sat down and tried to fix it - he just ended it.
This is the relationship you have together, and this is why it will never really work. All that will happen is every time one of you has a real problem, it'll end. Then you'll spend time apart, then you'll fix it, then you'll get back together until the next time there is a problem. And the cycle will continue.
I have never heard of a relationship succeeding after failing so many times before. I don't think you two will ever really work out. Perhaps you are more committed than he is, and you're not seeing it. All I know is that I have a girlfriend, and my very last action would be to dump her. I would do anything to work out the problem before doing that. And I think most truly committed men would.
Perhaps this is, in fact, a sign that the time has come for you both to move on rather then try to fix something that has been hugely flawed from the start.
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