A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This may be a bit long, I apologize.I've never gone as far as to seek advice about my love life on the internet.. but at this point I feel like I am running out of options. My best friend has moved 2000 miles away and has pretty much lost contact and I really don't trust any other girls in my life.. because the ones I know are pretty scandalous.So I broke up with my boyfriend of almost two years about two weeks ago. Before I continue, let me just say that I am NOT mourning the break-up at all - I mentally checked out from our relationship a while ago. But anyway. During those two weeks, he called me continuously and wanted to hang out. So I went to his house a couple times. A couple days before Valentines Day, he asks if we could hang out on V-Day. I agreed to, but told him that it did NOT mean we would get back together. So on that day, I take my ex to the movies. During the movie he kept trying to cuddle/kiss me, and I kept pushing him away.When we got back to his house, his friend (we will call him 'James') was there as was my ex's sister. James has been my ex's friend since he was in diapers, practically. I have known him as long as my ex. Now I had always been attracted to this guy, but he had been in a long, serious relationship with a girl that was his fiance at one point. They've been broken up for a while now because the girl got pregnant by another guy while they were together. He wanted to make things work with her, but she has been jerkin' him around for the past few months. It's really disgusting. But anyway. Before I even got out of the car, my ex was yelling at me, calling me every name in the book.. out of no where! In front of his sister and James. I figured he was really pissed off that I wasn't being affectionate toward him at the movies. I forgot to mention that he has severe anger issues and does not know how to control his words OR actions when he is pissed off. This is the main reason why I finally ended it. Back to the story, James and my ex's sister saw him starting to come at me so they stepped in and told my ex to go into his house and to let me leave. He was not having that. He took my cell phone from me and started talking more crap. He punched a plank of wood off the fence, kicked me in the stomach, pushed his sister down and almost choked her (Thankfully I prevented that by trying to tackle him into a bedroom and locking him in there). Now James was pulling my ex off of my a few times, and pretty much telling him to **** off.Finally, after about a half hour of just.. drama, I found my phone and got the hell out of there, James in the passenger seat of my car. I was crying and was pretty hurt. James asked if we could pull over at a park by his house so we could get out and talk.When we got there, the two of us really opened up on a deep level about relationships and love, and things of that nature. He was saying things to me that no one else ever had, and it was all really sweet and uplifting. He talked about what my ex did, and he got really pissed off. And almost.. protective of me? After an hour at the park, we went back to his house and talked some more. While there, we sort of began flirting. He'd say things like "I mean, if you're down to cuddle.. my arms are open, just sayin'", in a playful tone. He says stuff like that to me all the time now, but he never actually goes for it. And I won't either, because I'm painfully shy and I FEAR rejection immensely.Since that whole V-Day fiasco, we have chilled pretty much every day. We've gone bowling with his cousin twice, he's taken me out to eat a few times, chilled at each other's houses, and we've gone to the beach. A couple days ago, he called me at 8 AM and we talked for nearly an hour and a half on the phone. He asked me when the last time I had a guy cook for me was, and I said never. It was then that he invited me over for breakfast. I spent the whole day with him then. Just me and him. It's been like this for the past few days now. He calls me when he says he is going to call me (at least thus far).And last night? We cuddled for the first time. It was very sweet and innocent - something that I absolutely adore.I also forgot to mention that he compliments me on my sense of humor a lot, and makes notes on my appearance (not bad ones). And he also "jokingly" says things like "You're talking to [insert male name here]? I'm a little jealous." And on that V-Day, he was like "Me and you should have gone to the movies.." etc, etc.Now after re-reading this, I realize it sounds like he DOES like me. But I failed to mention that on very few occasions.. he will say something like "I'm just kidding.. I won't try to get at you like that" or "I just talk a lot" after making those flirtatious jokes of his. Or when he is around his male friends, he'll comment on other girls' looks in front of me. Or when our friends say something like "Are you two dating now or what?", James will respond with "No way, it's not even like that." or some variation of it.What the heck am I supposed to do with this? I have always been attracted to this guy, even while I was with my ex. He is really funny and sweet. And romantic. And we've met and got along with each others' family. We've held hands briefly, we've hugged, we've cuddled. He's taken me out to eat. He calls me. But then I get those mixed signals.Sorry this was all so long, I just had to get this off of my chest. I literally have no one I can trust completely in my life, so I figured the next best thing to do was to seek advice from an unbiased party, haha. So what do you think? Am I looking too much into this? Is he just being nice?
View related questions:
best friend, broke up, cousin, fiance, flirt, get back together, jealous, my ex, shy, the internet Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2011): He likes you but is probably ambivalent about commiting to you in a full way. You seem smart so you probably already know that.What does that mean for you? It means that this guy is not comfortable with his own feelings of affection if he denies them in public. I would find this embarassing. You went from one guy who has anger issues to a guy who has intimacy issues. Obviously I don't know him, but he sounds like a bit like a drama queen if he gets off on playing hero, but can't handle having a crush on a girl. He could also be extremely shy and afraid of rejection....but denying his affection for you is a little suspect. It means he's not emotionally mature.What to do? You can wait for him to decide he'd like to take your seriously or you can tell him it's fustrating for him to treat you one way in private and another way in public. You are allowed to say such things. My personal opinion is that he likes you, but is scared of getting involved. I tend to leave guys like this because they aren't worth the trouble in the long run and they are hard to communicate honestly with. Good luck.
|
