A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Ok here goesTypical story, one of which I have not been in before and kinda need adviceI met a guy around 3 months ago from a site. Chatted for a good while and then met up. Got on great and he asked to see me again. Had another date. Date 3 slept together. I had to go away for a few weeks and he was lovely in that kept in touch. I rang him one time drunk (so stupid) few days went by but he ended up meeting me. Cos i never heard from him for a few days after i had rang i got a bit paranoid. Anyway when he came round, instead of being nice and saying i missed him, i told him he should of rung me and that if he had not of come round i would of dumped him. yea i know not nice. Anyway had a nice night and he was in no rush to leave following day. He rang later to see how i was etc.Few days went by and i asked him round. said he had early start and was too late, fine.week went by and nothing. Then found him chatting to someone else on a site saying he wanted to meet her. she asked had he met anyone, said ya a few but 2 said they had met others and then he said the other girl he met a few times wasnt his type (assuming he was chatting bout me) anyway got in touch with him and he made no suggestion i wasnt his type and when i suggested meeting again he said great yes, let me know when your free.I am very independant and quite forceful, do you think this is why he is distancing himself. I am thinking to just meet him again and have a normal date by going out and then going home (not sleeping with him) I know i can come across very strong willed and also he knows i am going through a few berievements. Anyone with suggestions or been in same situation let me knowThank you
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your comments
the latest is that he has not yet arranged to meet these women. Although he told one of them me an dhim had ended, it hasnt.
I am no longer going to sleep with him. If he goes because of that then so be it. Men like thatannot get away with what they do. I know of a few women that have been treated as a 'stable woman'
Not to worry i have my own plans for this one!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2009): Hi. Im afraid some guys meet women online and have very brief flings with them, mostly for sex, while still staying online, befriending more women for the same purpose. I have been told some have quite a few women theyve `collected` and see them now and then mainly for sex. They call this their `stable` of women. Just dont give out so quickly if you meet another onliner. You will soon see if he likes you for yourself or hes just after what he can get. All the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGuys/ladies, thanks sooo much for your responseCan i make a few points regarding your answers.Yes I think by putting the forceful attitude of ' i would have dumped you' did put him off.I do believe dating from online sites can deepen into relationships, i know a few people including my brother and a friend has recently married her internet fella.Yeah I dont think he wants a commitment but also he is quite a nervous shy type and also what i never mentioned before was he is in a bit of debt and cant afford to leave home due to this. I agree in the fact that the sex will stop. very recently he hinted on comming round but told him not convenient (btw he did try and meet for coffee a few times as in he never was can i call round and shag you) It has bascially been left that i said we should go out to cinema or something when i free and he has agreed. i intend to do just that but go home alone.Regarding the other women. one i know of was married. he initially was going to meet her but decided not to. he actually told me this and i have proof this is true.The second one i actually know very well (he dont know i know this) end of day guys when you say to someone you aint looking for just sex, i take peoples word for it. i hate lies and deceit and i think, especially when it comes to guys online, us women should take a stand and not let them get away with it.It is becomming quite popular for women (and men, i know a guy who did the same)to set people up if they found out they are or have lied. Why waste time on this you may ask. To be honest, it not a waste of time and hopefully it will help some other person who could get very hurt.I for one really liked this person and still do but i aint going to be used.
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A
male
reader, Candleman  +, writes (1 October 2009):
 Sounds like you got some good inside information. Now he's either lieing to her, lieing to you or lieing to both of you.
Either way, he's a lier. However, considering the fact that there was not major a committment implied at the time, forgiving isn't the hardest thing in the world here.
Now, bad signs. Given the fact that you called drunk and bitched him out when you two had not established a relationship too far could have put him off.
The fact that he waited the week and didn't respond and it is implied from what you said that you called him to set the next date, kinda makes me wanna believe he is lieing to you.
This can only mean one thing. He's after sex again. So, if you see him again, don't give him any sex and see what he does. Don't say it's that time of the month or anything, say that you thought you went too fast the first time, and you wanted to take it a little slower.
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (1 October 2009):
 First off, does he even know that you guys are in an actual relationship and not casually dating? It doesn't really sound like you two have established what you are yet. Does he call you his girlfriend? Usually meeting up on the internet through sites like the ones you are talking about doesn't really exist for actual relationships. More like hooking up and then moving onto the next person.
The fact that you slept with him after the third date doesn't exactly promote relationship type behavior either. Hate to say it, but guys usually don't take the behavior seriously. I also find it odd that you expect him to call and what not only after three dates, followed by a few weeks of you leaving. I think the fact that you snapped at him about you 'dumping' him if he doesn't call was a bit demanding for how short of a time you two have known each other, and probably pushed him away emotionally. Not so much physically, because he still came around. I'm assuming for sex.
Then there is the question of him chatting with other women. I would take that as a hint that he isn't really with you, and still on the dating market. Bring it up to him and see if he lies about it. If he is straight forward, there was obviously a communication error. You thought this thing was way more serious than he did. If he lies, then I wouldn't really want him around anymore in the first place. Chances are, he won't be honest about much in the future. Either way, I think this guy isn't going to be a steady boyfriend for you at all. He's just a temporary fix for sex until you find someone who really is there to be in a relationship with you. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (1 October 2009):
 Sweetie, this guy sounds like he is just after sex! I dont think that being an independant and forceful personwould make a difference, I think he just wants to play the field and not commit to any one woman.
Cut all ties with him and if he really likes you and wants to be with you, he will make the first move.
Honeygirl
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2009): Sounds like this guy is using you for sex.
I think first things first, dump him, tell him get bent that hes a fake , not that much of a catch and your better off without him.
Step 2 , cry for a while, but in the end what have you lost, a cheater, a liar and someone you cant depend on.
Step 3 drop a pm to the girl hes chatting to and just state dates and times of when he was with you. Thats legal and youll be doing her a favour.
Step 4 , just because this guy is a freak dont give up hope , we arent all like that.
Hope this helps,
Elpigaro
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