A
female
age
41-50,
*4/51
writes:I am 24 and my boyfriend is 51 with two teenage boys. This past weekend we both had said to eachother that we are 'forever'. Well last night his sons had sat him down and expressed how they do not approve of the age gap. Now for him and myself, we are torn. I care about how his kids are affected because they are an extension of him. I know I am not going anywhere but the thought of him not in my life pulls my throat into my stomach. His eldest graduates next year from highschool and then leaves his youngest to graduate in 2010. What to do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008): I wouldn't worry about your age too much. His kids will have to learn to accept you two and accept that their father is happy.
I have a similiar situation with my husband, we are 20 years apart and he has 2 boys. One is 21 (2 yrs younger than me) and I know he isn't fond of me, but he will either have to deal with it or will chose to hate me the rest of his life.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2007): Hi, love is too precious to be thrown away lightly. My man is 30 yrs older than me, I am the same age as his son,in fact 2 months older!My own son is 10.When we first got together 4 years ago there was huge disapproval from friends and family on both sides.His son was very sarcastic and scathing of us.We continued our relationship but in the main saw our friends and family seperately.After a couple of years people accepted us more and slowly but surely we integrated with each others family and friends.Often people think age gaps are a quick fling and will fizzle out but over time loved ones see you happy together and accept it.Many younger women with older men get the gold digger tag and many probably deserve to but many don't deserve it.to prove you are no gold digger retain your financial independence and tell your man to specify in his will that you do not want his money and to make sure it goes to his kids.If you love each other then be together.other people will have to accept it.with regards to his kids just step back,don't try to force them to like you, be yoursef and in time it could all be great!good luck!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2007): I say that if you love each other he has to talk to his kids and express how much he loves you and if they really love him they will let him live his life and be happy. I have a friend who is divorced after 30yrs and has a girlfriend who is 17yrs younger. His daughter didn't approve and did not talk to him for a couple years but Thank God now she came back around. Things are good now. If you love each other..... be patient and strong and don't give up your happiness for anyone.Good luck!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2007): I'm with the teenage boys, I'd be shocked if my dad or mum dated someone 30yrs younger! The age gap is too big and you can't aspect these boys to accept you, I certainly wouldn't! you might even end up falling for his kids in a couple of years time! their more in your age range!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2007): I would feel the same way if I were his kid. I don't think it's a good idea.
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A
male
reader, daglish  +, writes (30 August 2007):
 The good news is that you have found love. The bad news is that his kid may never level terms with you. However its your duty to try and befriend them to an acceptable extent. The assurance is that this guy cant let his kids keep u away from him. So they are fighting a losing battle and the sooner you realise this the better.
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (30 August 2007):
 I am happy for you that you found love with this man, and assuming he remembers that he and you are the adults, he is going to do the adult thing.
That being said, I can honestly say that if I were one of his sons, I would feel the same way. You aren't much older than his oldest son and in about 3 years, it would be legal for you to date him, and the age gap wouldn't be as huge. I am sure they are worried about his inheritance too, as he is an aging man, and it may be all they have if something happens to him.
Have you considered the fact that in 25 years from now, you will be 49, while he will be in his seventies? Age may not matter now, but in time, will is be as unimportant? If you are looking for a partner, are you sure you want to be with him given that he will likely not be around to watch your children with him grow up? Have you considered having children with him...maybe around the same time as his sons start to have kids too?
If you are not into having kids with him, is it possible that you are looking for a daddy-figure? You know that is what people are going to assume. Are you ready for the backlash? However wrong or right it may be, you know you will have to get used to it for the rest of your life with him. He already has two sons, I sincerely hope you are not his suragote daughter.
I think that neither of you should get serious with each other, as his first priority is to being a father to his children. See other people, and if you both still feel the same way in 4 years, then proceed. If not, you avoided a huge mistake.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2007): i can understand the boys concern,they obviously think your a golddigga,as only girls of this age gap are usually not with a man twice her age because of his looks,if what you say about loving this man forever is true,you will defy all odds and will prove that you are genuine,do you believe you can fight this, if so go get your man
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male
reader, quarky  +, writes (30 August 2007):
 I reckon it's down to your partner to deal with his kids. In my opinion, the age gap doesn't matter. Then again I can see why his kids have concerns. really do think it's not down to you tho' - you can't help who you fall for! If you mean a lot to him, he will be willing and able to speak to his kids again I reckon.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2007): i fink you two should stick at it if you love each other then his sons will have to get used to it. why not all sit down and have a chat about it. if you let this man go you could regret it later in life and always be wondering what if.
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