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female
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anonymous
writes: Hello, I really need advice to my problem. Pease aunties help me. I have been with a guy for 13 yrs now. We both met at age 14 (we both the same age) and my mom heard that I was with this boy and threw me out; however being so young his mom took me in, and I lived there with him ever since.He took my virginity. I continued school until I completed, but all that time things were not the same. He didn’t complete schooling, but stayed at home .He was/is momma's boy. He did whatever he wanted while I’m in school. Many girls were brought home, and he had sex with them. I couldn’t have said nothing as I had no where to go.At 18 I made his first child. Trouble started. He had lots of gfs. Now we both are 27yrs with 4 kids together. He has 1 with someone else but has no relationship with the child. He still constantly has women, and I grew tired of it, many times whereas I would leave him but he always comes back, begging saying he loves me. Of course being the woman I am I always do go back. Sometimes mostly for the kids.I always wanted a stable home, especially for my kids. We presently live together where I help him start his own business and lots of work were coming in. He got a major contract that paid enough to make us happy for a while. He was in another state for 3 months doing the job.Recently he came home and slept out on 2 occasions; until I found out he had bought a plane ticket and brought home a woman. My friends saw him with her all over, but he denied it when I confronted him. Honestly all the money he came home with is gone, and I haven’t receive 1 penny from it. Nothing was spent at home.Now he is broke again and the women has gone back home. Several of his friends told me his dealings. He is a nasty man. I must say that I am an attractive young lady. I kept my body in good form, (he always boasts to friends how nice I am ,and proudly shows me off )but I keep thinking what is the problem? Our sex is still very active, and I do go out of my way to please him. There’s no complaints there.I have been told by his friends that he boasts and says he love me and wants to marry me, plus to make me so happy cuz I stand by him through thick and thin, but it’s all just talk. I ask him about his gf and he said a friend of his brought the girl home, and he was just an alibi for his friend. I said bullshit, only to receive a phone call from my gf that she too saw him.I have stopped the sex, telling him he can’t be getting it at home and getting on the outside, so to protect myself I told him no more. Whenever I confront him about his love affairs he hits me. After all these years I have been truly faithful and supporting to him .Now I am so hurt that many ideas are in my mind. I often ponder if to be unfaithful now as I have many admirers - some are his friends - or if to walk away from the relationship of 13 years.Of course leaving my kids behind as I cant take care of them now. Where would I go? I am tired of this abuse and endless affairs. It hurts too much. Should I stand up for myself and walk out?
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female
reader, aunty butterfly +, writes (28 December 2005):
 good for you girl.your'e making the right steps to a newer you and a fresher life..i hope that you see that you are worth everything to yourself and your kids now.even i care about you and i don't know you!but i wish you all the best,you deserve it and i hope that you find somebody soon that will treat you with respect..be nice if you let us know when you do..good luck with everything and if you have a problem in the future(hope you dont)don't hesitate to ask.. we're here for you.. Aunty B xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2005): yes,thank you for such great ideas,he is ungrateful,afterall,he is illiterate and it was me who did all business transactions,came up with the ideas,work out the taxes,work out the salaries for employees,figure out the profits,i did it all,all he can do is only spell his name and have many women,i did all the rest,i have to read everything for him,i have gotten the police involved today and have an interview tomorrow,whereas i will be compensated for the 13yrs of misery,i have been advised not to leave the house as he will be the one to leave,and he has to maintain the kids and i for the rest of our lives,as for me i shall invest the money i receive to start my own business as well as hire all his employees,i do think i can make it now,if i had known ,i would of left a longggg time ago,i once again want to say thank you all for your support,the journey has now began for me,it is a long road,but i will gain my freedom,independence and comfort for my kids,thank you all,xxxx,from a free woman
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female
reader, Virginiaac +, writes (21 December 2005):
Why walk out? Kick this failure of a man out immediately. Get whatever professional help you have available to help you support the kids.
Don't be an abused woman. Take the helm, steer a better course and protect the kids.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2005): I feel for you. Please find some support agencies where you are to find out how you can make it on your own. There are so many services available, housing authorities, food stamps, medical assistance, energy assistance, cash assistance. Call your local agencies and find out, you will be surprised. If you are afraid of him hurting you if you leave, which I would be afraid of if I were in your shoes, I would call a shelter. There are lots of domestic violence shelters where all of you could stay, and they are nice safe homes. There are relocation funds available to help you move out of town if you want, too. This guy is bad news for you and your kids. You are better of without him. So find out what to do, and GO!!!
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male
reader, Mr.Ed +, writes (21 December 2005):
 Wow Auntie B and anonymous hit it right on the head with what I would have said. First of all let's get one thing totally clear here. NO MAN EVER HAS THE RIGHT TO HIT A WOMAN unless she's a man disguised as a women and he's being beaten up. Secondly, NO MAN CAN HAVE HIS CAKE AND EAT IT TOO. cheating is NOT an option. Most states still have the common law in effect. I.E. Kansas and such whereas if your with your partner for X amount of years you are legally considered married. I say this because if your state is one of them then YOU my dear are entitled to 1/2 of the money that was made. Next you need to contact the battered womens shelter whom WILL take you and the children away from him and help you NOW. Don't you wait for the next beatin. As for cutting of sex I'm suprised you haven't cut off his penis yet. This type of relationship sadly is the worst. It brings tears to my eyes to know that another man treated you this way. Yes your 27 and probably very beautiful and now a future man will have to work extremely hard to earn your trust. I won't blame you a bit if you never trust men, just understand that MOST men do not act this way. I hope you contact the shelter and leave today with the kids they deserve far better than an abusive/lying/cheater/no responsible/chicken sh*t/not want to be married/sperm donor. Sorry got a little emotional on this. I'm with auntie B I hope to meet you someday and know that your still a wonderful person and with a wonderful life and maybe a wonderful man. Good luck, sincerely Ed
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female
reader, aunty butterfly +, writes (21 December 2005):
Hi,
sounds to me like you are very dependant on your man to the extent where you have forgotten yourself.your children are there to remind you how much you should be loved,why walk out on them too?they shouldn't feel like they are to blame so don't punish them for it.
you say he has told friends that he wants to marry you because you have stuck with him through everything,i'm sorry to sound a bit harsh on you but isn't that a little childish,i mean your'e both older than 14 now,does he expect you to give an answer to your friends?my love if he wanted to marry you honestly and truley,do you not think he would have asked you?especially as you both have 4 kids i am quite surprised he hasn't asked you a long time ago really.
And if he is being unfaithful to you and you just grin and bear it what can anyone tell you?(too right you should stop the sex,you have to be careful)you shouldn't have to degrade yourself in this way.
you said it yourself'He is a nasty man'and that you are an 'attractive young lady' and you keep your'body in good form'...so why are you wasting it on someone who doesn't obviously appreciate it?
It appears to me that the best thing that has come from your relationship is your children,and they need guidance from you not,a mother who loses the plot and walks away from them too.
I wouldn't suggest going for any of his friends either,just because they like you doesn't mean you have to stoop as low as your man has,you might just feel worse off in the end,and in any case,two wrongs definately do not make a right,they make a hell of a mess!
It's a sad thing that he's known you all this time,seen you grow up,grown up with you,and watches you mother his children and yet has no repect for you,Is this what he wants to teach the kids?..not quite right is it?
Try writing down the pros and cons of leaving v's staying,with the kids v's without.your'e not the only single mother with 4 kids in the world either,there's millions..if they can do it,why cant you?may i suggest that you gather all the information you can first about getting some help with single mothering before you say you can't look after them,you may be surprised to learn that there are people that care enough about you to help you onto the right path(and you won't have known them for as long as your man)so what does that tell you?..you are worth more to others than the one your'e loving...
girl!I hope you can see one day,that you are your weight in gold and that you deserve a man with the midas touch not a man with sticky fingers cause he's had all the cake.
I hope you find real true love one day..good luck and take care...aunty B x
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2005): Yes. You cannot continue on like this. He is a sorry excuse for a man, actually he's not a man at all. Real men don't behave like this.
Ask for help. Contact local support services - I don't know where you are but I'm sure you can access information about shelters etc for women in your situation. Don't be embarrased to ask for help, he has deliberately put you in a position where you are powerless - no money etc.
Don't let him talk you into going back to him. You've done it before and you are still miserable.
I would advise you to take the kids with you or to have them stay with a trusted family member. I wouldn't trust this man with my dog let alone my children.
An affair is not the answer. You are better than him and behave like it. Get out and then assess if you want to start a new relationship, but please take care as you have been very badly hurt and you wouldn't want to get into another demeaning relationship.
Seek help to get out and get on your feet. Cut contact with this man and I would seriously considering a restraining order for you and the kids. He sounds like a violent man.
Good luck.
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