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male
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anonymous
writes: Alright I am fucked up, From what I can remember I always seemed to be attracted to girls, but I never had much luck with them growing up. I seemed to always end up in the friend zone or for being to nice in jr high and high school, i figured it must be my looks (i wasn't in the best shape i guess). By jr. high I had discovered internet pornography and would say that I became addicted to that and masturbation. All kinds of porn too including fetish type. I feel like I almost gave up on woman by the end of high school because I was leaving to go away to college and i figured thats when i would have my luck with girls. But by the end of high school I started to experiment by looking at gay pornograpy. Not all of it excited me anything with kissing or romanace didn't do anything for me but a lot of it turned me on, I never thought much about then I just thought it was experiementing because I had felt dissed by woman. By college i started to become really vain and I felt like all that was important to me was looking good, I also got screwed and was put in a all male dorm so I only had one sexual experience and it wasn't that fun because I was really drunk and shy.Later on I seemed to start having more luck with talking to girls but I would always shy away from sex because I have always been worried that my penis size (which had always been a big fear for me about sex) and lack of experience would ruin it for the girl. So now senior year comes and I am still a virgin, and it really pisses me off.While this time I have realized that my fetish for gay porn has been growing. I still don't or have ever felt rommance for a man but it seemed to be popping up in my fantasies more until it seemed to be my favorite fantasy, and I had realized that I had become really vain and wanting to be as good looking as possible. I never felt like I was gay, but for some reason a started to have a lot of gay fantasies even more than woman while masturbating, none of them rommantic just had to do with being used sexually.Anyway my senior year had come and I had lived this whole college career thinking about what I will do next (just like high school, i have the idea screw girls here i will blow up in my field after school that i am good at and have woman), but aparently I had gotten in better shape over the summer and it really notices with me i guess because I started having confidence and luck with woman, until i finally found a girl my first weeks back that I dug emotionally and I took her home even all I was really nervous I just felt that I had to do it and I was a little drunk (go figure). I enjoyed making out with her, but not sexually as much as i thought and then i started to play with her breasts and it didn't do as much as i thought it would. She in the middle asked me if I was a virgin (i guess it was pretty obvious) and I told her I was, and then we both got naked and I could not get aroused because all i thought about was that I was doing this wrong and that she was disappointed with my penis. So we stopped and I never had felt more embarrased. I hung out with her more that semester but I strayed away from sex when we had been drinking because I didn't want to ever not function again. She finally rejected me one day I mean it went from she being into me to just not wanting to talk to me. (not all my fault i guess she is kind of screwy too)This is when my depression came because I realized that i had been fantasying about guys a lot throughout now and I was worried that I might be gay, I had always been really tolerent to gay people and had worked and interacted with them. I never thought I was and i felt like it wasn't fair and i stopped eating and caring about everything from work and people. So for two months I have been fighting what I feel is my heart against my penis, I still have found gay thoughts and porn arousing even I have tried to stop, and yet I still want so much to be sexual with woman but I can't, I recently just failed at climaxing or completely getting erect during oral sex because of the same thoughts that "oh this girl thinks i am small and is not having fun right now, she is disappointed", It was during this session that I even experiemented thinking about guys (I was at the point were I wanted to know if I was gay) and it made me less aroused or anything. So she stopped and I told her that I was virgin and was shy at this, it really confused her because she told me I was really good looking.Is it normal for a person to be so disconnected sexually be attracted to one thing, but emotional to something else, I know some people have questioned my sexuality in the past but I always confidently said no, could I be asexual? or am I a repressed gay, I don't feel like like I am one because I have never had a crush on a guy. What the hell is wrong with me, I guess I am a little perverted I can deal with that, but I love to be around woman and get nonsexual affection from them (in fact spooning is the last thing that got me aroused around a woman), but yet I still can't stop the gay porn thing, why am i so weird, what should i do?
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breasts, confidence, crush, drunk, gay porn, kissing, my penis, oral sex, penis size, porn, shy, still a virgin, talking to girls, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, bobbb  +, writes (29 September 2007):
Ask yourself these questions
do u love men
do u want sex with men
do u want a relationship with men
do you feel gay
do you fancy men
if you answer yes to any of these questions then your probebly gay
A
female
reader, Virginiaac +, writes (21 December 2005):
You are not weird. Continue to enjoy your gay porn, after all, it is totally harmless. Only by experimentation and experience with both sexes will you find out what it is you are seeking. Good luck
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A
male
reader, Mr.Ed +, writes (21 December 2005):
 Harshbutfair said most of what I was thinking. I think you should stop the porn and find a mental thought conducive to your sexual satisfaction. I don't think you should bridge the gay connection thing until your absolutely conviced that women are NOT what you want sexually. Maybe your bi-sexual and you do not know it. However that will lead to many more problems. Experimenting with the same sex thing is not really the way you want to go if later you find out your not then you will live with that one. About penis size. Does it matter? About 1/2 of the women with honest answers will tell you NO! 1/2 will say yes but as for your size Why in the hell are you so infatuated with it. It works and that's all you need to know. If you put so much mental thought into what your dong size is instead of how it's feeling when you do have a woman; your never going to perform sexually. Try to please her the best you can and stop with this virginity thing. For your sake just enjoy her company. Don't say or think anything stupid just enjoy her body and yours. After you get past the initial shock of "I did it" you might want to do it again and again and again. If you don't want to do it again then at least you'll know where you stand. Seek professional help but stop wondering if your size is important. ALL MEN WONDER THIS otherwise the wouldn't have surgery, pills, herbs, and different forms of stretching techniques (i.e. pumps/hands). Yes I researched it! But, out of all the women I've been with they usually say what is important to me. That was great but your touch was awesome. I don't think your gay as alot of men have had fantasies and wierd one's at that. I do think if you leave the porn alone you will concentrate on your feeling more. As for hanging out with women I do and I find them a blast most of the time. Their funny creatures and can be silly and goofy when you need them too. They can give you love on a moments notice. They usually don't smell bad nor fart in front of you. They like to do nothing when you do. So as for your hanging out; I don't think your odd in any way shape or form. I just think you should let nature take it's course and see where you wind up. I knew of a couple of different sets of couples who were married for a long time. 13 and 14 years later the husband wanted a divorce because his BOYFRIEND was his new love. Experimenting may have been the best bet for them however they have wonderful children and they still communicate very well. Wait until you've exhausted the woman thingy before you jump ship. Good luck. Sincerely Ed
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2005): Don't be afraid that you might be gay. Maybe you are, maybe you're not. Maybe you like a little of both. Who cares. Your body is responding, don't judge it. That makes it worse. Perhaps what you really like with the gay porn is pretending that you are that man and look like that man, and get aroused like that man. Maybe it's not about wanting to be with another man, but projecting your image as a different man. When you are with a girl, pretend that you have the body and anatomy you have seen in the porn. Get your confidence up, and try again.
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A
male
reader, harshbutfair +, writes (20 December 2005):
 Wow what a great question, I commend you for having the courage to come here and open your heart to the world.
This is a tough one. The mind is such a delicate thing; I have heard it said that "pornography poisons the mind" and maybe it is true.
I rarely say this but in this case it is true, I think you need to find yourself a superb counsellor / psychologist who you can talk in great detail about your problems and your life each week. Don't just settle with the first person you see, if they are not helping find someone else and move on - who you see and how you related to them and their advice is crucial.
That said, let me see if there is some advice I can give.
1. Stop thinking "I am weird" or "I am perverted". We become the product of our thoughts and if you think like that you create a self-fulfilling prophecy.
2. Ditch the porn. Seriously - you need to go cold-turkey on that baby. If you're thinking of porn, get to the gym, go for a walk, call up a friend. But do not watch porn.
3. Sounds like you enjoy the company of women so try and get more "platonic pussy" - girls who you are friends with and connect with emotionally.
4. Size of your penis is just an excuse. Most women won't care, if you're doing things right, penetrative intercourse will only be one portion of a happy sex-life mix.
Come back and let us know how you get on.
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