A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm very confused.There's a guy I met who's in an long distance, long term relationship with his girlfriend. We live far away, but will live near one another in a few months time. After we first met, he pursued me heavily, despite his girlfriend. After a while, I got uncomfortable with it and told him he needed to work on his relationship with her or break-up with her. He chose to stay with her and work on his relationship (but as far as I know, she has NO idea what has happened). I told him it might not be appropriate for us to be friends and didn't speak to him for a few weeks. After these few weeks, he slowly began talking to me again until it increased to every single day. I made a pact to myself not to initiate things, but he initiates all contact, phone calls, messages, texts, everything. I made it clear to him that I am happy to be his friend in order to try and draw a boundary, to which he did not respond. I don't want to get caught up in the nasty feelings I had when he cheated on his gf with me, but I can't help but have a weird feeling in my stomach about it. Do you think he just likes me as a friend or is pursuing me again? I can't tell and I'm just not sure this level of contact is appropriate for two people who were engaging in cheating behavior recently...and for two people who are obviously attracted to one another but one is unavailable. How can I set a clear boundary?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 January 2012):
 Possible, it's possible, because nothing human is really 100 % impossible if it does not defy the laws of physics. Like, sprouting wings and flying, not possible , all the rest, it may be.
You should ask if it is probable. And the answer is : heck no ! A 0.5 percent chance.
Keep your distance. Don't negotiate terms and conditions of this " friendship ", just show him by facts and actions. Do not respond text and messages after work hours , if he talks to you on the job ( if you work together I guess he will have to ) be polite,nothing more . And keep the conversation strictly about business.
Why would you want to maintain a friendship with such a shady character anyway ? And how are you going to get over an attraction that will lead nowhere ( except to humiliation for you ) if you don't take the steps to cut the ties to the greatest possible extent?
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (11 January 2012):
 Don't get into personal conversation with him, stick to work related issues.
He might have ulterior motives, he might want to see how far he can get with you without his GF's knowledge. He might miss her so badly because of the distance that he wants someone to be his "security blanket" or FWB. But I don't think he wants to be your BF and date you. Most likely it's "want his cake and eat some too" situation.
Don't text him, don't call, E-mail or FB him. Unless it is about work.
Stick to your guns. A guy who is willing to chase other girls while in a relationship (LDR or not) is just not a keeper.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2012): He has no respect for his GF, your, or even himself. He would rather use you for what he is not getting from his GF. Use you emotionally and sexually to supplement for his GF. Needy, insecure, unhealthy.
How is this attractive?
I suspect a serial cheater. Serial cheaters are incapable of maintaining a Monogamous relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2012): He wants to have an affair with you. Otherwise he would have finished with his girlfriend. That is obvious. Just tell him he's not free - so 'no can do'. Be friendly or whatever but just let him know that anything beyond friendship is off the agenda. It is do-able.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 January 2012):
 I have no idea what he thinks... but what he thinks and what he wants do not matter... what matters is what you do...
do not engage him as anything other than a co-worker.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDo you think it's possible he doesn't have ulterior motives and really does just want me as a friend and actually has committed to his girlfriend?
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A
male
reader, JakeChaucer +, writes (11 January 2012):
im a guy trust me hes gonna keep pushing it dont be friends with him
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 January 2012):
NO if you work together you can't cut it off all together but you can LIMIT HIM to ONLY work related info ON work related devices.
no personal calls
no personal emails
block his personal number and emaail from your personal phone and email...
Keep it 100% professional and he will get the message.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm the asker of this question. :) I wish I could just cut all ties, but unfortunately we work together. Is it necessary we talk as much as we do? Of course not. However I can't cut it off altogether.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (11 January 2012):
 He is cheating, do cheaters set boundaries? Go with your gut, if you honestly don't want to be part of this guy cheating on his girlfriend cut all contact with him, block his email address and don't accept his phone calls.
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