A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy about 2 weeks ago and started talking on facebook things were going good so we started meeting up in real life. He is incredibly attractive and we spent hours upon hours talking and eventually cuddling and kissing eachother. We'd go out for long drives park up and look at stars while talking about life. When I wasn't with him he'd text me or blackberry message me all the time every 5 seconds. I was falling for him so fast and grew feelings instantly he is perfect. Everything about him makes my body tingle. We slept together for the first time on Sunday just past. The next day he told me how much he loved spending the night with me being safe together all night cuddling. A day later he never spoke to me for hours and ingored my messages worried I messaged him like every 5 minutes, Eventually he spoke to me and told me he couldn't talk because he was spending time with his family, he also told me his sister found out she was seriously ill the week previous. I felt really stupid for pestering him all day but I never knew any of that. The last 4 days however I've been totally ignored. I'm lucky to get one sentence out of him in a 24 hour period. In a bit of a strop I deleted him from my bbm. When I went to add him again he told me it had broke, and he had no texts or anything. I know he gets facebook messages sent to his mobile so I know he reads them, he's just choosing not to reply which really hurts. This morning I woke up to quite a long message explaining that he really liked me but couldn't have a relationship because of the situation with his family. He kept saying how much he likes me and he said he would be more than happy being friends. This message crushed me because things went from going amazing to terrible in the space of a couple of days. I feel devastated it's like I've lost the best thing I never even had.Now he is just totally ignoring me full stop, he goes offline when I come online I've sent about 10 huge messages and I get nothing. He still uses facebook to update his status sometimes even saying how bored he is and needs stuff to do..It's crushing me and I can't stop trying to speak to him, I've even considered turning up at his door, but I fear that would just creep him out. Part of me just wants one chance to speak to him in person to get real time replies to my questions anything. But the other part of me knows I should just accept he doesn't want me. I've had many situations like this before but never as bad, especially since we've not even been dating just seeing each other I feel so, so low I can't eat sleep or work. I don't know what to do or where to turn or If I should keep fighting for him would he appreciate my persistence?
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male
reader, jc2008 +, writes (17 January 2012):
Hey, we've all been there. He might have problems but considering the circumstances thats probably unlikely. You need to be strong man and consider cutting all contact. Guys, especially young ones can be complicated at the best of times and there are a lot of guys young and old out there to play the field. At least now you will learn the signs. Also look up emotional dependance and work out if your looking for someone to depend on. Hope it all works out for you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2012): Honestly. if he has issues at home you should understand that they will take priority over the possibility of a NEW RELATIONSHIP with you. You do not say just how ill his sister is. I would drop everything if my sister was serious;y ill. For mysake, that of my parents and most importantly my Sister. Everything else would take second place.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2012): Sadly he's a player and he played you. While I understand that your hurt and confused, do not contact him again.Don't be so desperate.Have some self-respect.
Move on, go back to how you were before,you've learnt a valuable lesson here about sleeping with someone you hardly knew.
You will meet alot of frogs, just make sure you don't mistake them for a prince.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (15 January 2012):
 Back off, the ball is in his court.
And next time, don't jump into bed so fast with a guy you really don't know that well.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2012): I would just back off. No more contacting him. He has made it clear that he isn't interested at the moment. I'm afraid he used you. It is as plain as that. You are not the first person to be taken in, give your heart up to easily and mistaken lust for love on his part. The more you try and contact him the more you look desperate, and there is no need to talk about it - the dignified thing to do is draw a line. It is hard as you are hurt but remember, no amount of 'personal issues' would stop someone being with a person they want to be with (or at least keep them abreast of the situation)- I fear that was just an excuse on his part. Move on.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (14 January 2012):
 I'm awfully sorry to tell you that if you keep fighting for him, far from it being appreciated, it will only annoy him.
The sad truth is you only knew him a couple of weeks and then slept with him this past Sunday. You know, that's far too much, way too soon.
Now he has a concern about his sister's health, and I'm sure that's a priority in his life now. Even so, sending all those messages - notwithstanding you didn't know what was going on - and getting no response is something you'll know not to do with the next man you meet........and didn't he tell you he can't be in a relationship with you, even though he likes you? That speaks for itself.
I know you evidently enjoyed one another's company, and he found you attractive, but you hardly had an opportunity to get to know him - or he you. There is quite a lot to be said for a woman not making herself TOO available to get together with a man she's only just met.
My father once told me "a man chases a woman until she catches him." Think about it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2012): Remember, remember the 5th of November.You were having the time of your life. He was having you.Now think back to the time before him, you will have to do this to accept what has happened.Be what you were, how you were before him. This has been a short interlude in your life. Also be aware that you fell for him very quickly, this happens, it's ok, but do answer as to why that was.Validation, sex, communication.. all these will be on your top ten hit list for other men you find appealing, your learning, this is a good thing. Also know that you showed vulnerability, that too is very healthy, it's all good. Just realize that things can change, that some people come and go and others stick around. In the meanwhile go back in time. Under no circumstances wait, yearn nor ponder when, if or how he may come back into your life. This is a no go zone. No, do not fight for him, that is not what women do, men can, if they wish, but women move forward looking for that prize and many times find that they are the prize in their lives. Actually it's usually when they act and feel like their own best prize, their prize usually turns up unexpectedly. Best wishes
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 January 2012):
 no he is not going to appreciate it. Can't you see that as soon as he got sex from you he soon started acting distant? It looks to me like he was only after one thing from you. He enjoyed the chase and he got what he wanted and now he is moving on. You mailing him and texting him every five minutes is just going to make you look and seem desperate. He probably already feels that you are being to much and he wants nothing to do with you. You need to accept that and move forward with your life. Do not land at his door it will make him think you are even more creepy. You just need to accept this now and move forward. I know that you are hurt, but it is an experience for you to learn from. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, AuntyAlexxmo +, writes (14 January 2012):
 I dont think that continuing to send him messages if he is not answering is the best idea as honestly it can look desperate and generally be a bit annoying (TOTALLY understand why you have being doing it though!).If it was me, i would sent hime one message asking him if you can meet and talk, if he agrees then you have your chance to tell him how you feel, if he says no or does not reply then as horrible as it may be then it would be best to move on and stop messaging him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2012): You are coming across as needy/way to eager (and if the stuff he has going on at home is true, i.e. his sister is poorly) he really doesn't need it right now.
Try playing it a little bit cool, text him to say you understand he has a lot on and to give you a text/call back when he wants to talk about it.
Sometimes the more you appear available to someone, the more you push them away if they are a bit unsure. Try not to appear to deseperate (I know its hard), but try.
I just think he needs a little bit of time at the moment. Give him that and see what happens.
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