A
female
age
30-35,
*_Mae93
writes:Me and my boyfriend of one year broke up Tuesday. why?he works 40 or more hours a week only gets two days off, and goes to school. he is a senior, we have a 5 month old daughter together. we broke up because he said he couldn't handle having a relationship and going to school and trying to graduate he said that if he fails one class then he has to go back to school next year and he dont wanna be 20 and still in high school. he said he couldn't be there for me and the baby as much as he use too. as in seeing us all the time like he use too. he said he gets tired from working and going to school and trying to pass his classes. he also said he couldn't handle me getting mad at him everyday when he can't come and see me he said it gets him stressed out when he has to deal with that and go to school. he said that we was on a break from now until he graduates.. which is in 4 months.. what should i do? i love him and he makes me happy. he said that he was happy while we were together, and now he isn't but he just doing what he has to do..i'm worried that he will either stop loving me or find someone else. he said it wasn't like he was going to be gone forever, and he said that he wasn't going to date anyone else. my friends say i need to move on and let him go, cause his "break" is just an excuse to hangout and have sex with other girls. so what should i do wait for him or move on from him?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2012): Ummmmm m'k why dose he deserve and education and a full time job while you solely care for the baby " you both" made together? You should get yourself a full time job and start your own classes and make him half responcible for that baby. While your both on your brake from the relationship. How about every other two days you switch, he has the baby two days and then your turn, so n and so forth. Make him half accountable form the beganing of babies life and if he won't demand child support and make him go through hell to even see that baby. Fair is fair. Also remind him that you may date as well and you might want too after this cold shoulder.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2012): Agree with Cerebrus agreeing with AuntyBimBim, but the cynic in me must point out if he was your boyfriend of one year and you have a five-month-old daughter, you were already two months pregnant on your first date.
Point is this child was conceived with obviously no planning and aforethought for your future together, let alone hers. He's trying to do what's best for the child under difficult circumstances and you are too selfish and short-sighted to put your daughter's interests before your own as he is doing.
You played, now you pay for the next seventeen years and seven months minimum. Woman up and do what's best for your child. Not her fault she had parents before they were ready.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2012): I agree with Aunty Bimbim and I'm a very cynical person normally OP. If you have proof that he's off shagging other women then maybe your friends are right. But it doesn't sound like he has time for anything like that at the moment and may well be trying to get this done so he can provide you and your child with a good future.
He's working 40 hours a week and goes to school and he has baby crying in his face and a girlfriend who is getting mad at him and putting pressure on him too? That's a hell of a lot to deal with OP, in fact it's too much. Something had to give and he couldn't give up his future.
Again Auntybimbim is right, he took this break because you've been doing nothing to help him. I understand that you have a daughter together and you have a lot on your hands looking after her but you seem to have made it so he hadn't any choice but to take a break so he could focus on what matters, 4 months of making your lives together better by getting some qualifications. He's doing this for you and your baby OP. So it seems to me anyway.
I think you need to chill out, take this time to take a step back and figure out what he needs from you. You're a young mom OP, you have your hands quite full at the moment but you're not the only one that needs support, the very least he needs is a break from you being mad at him.
So do what bimbim suggested. Don't wait, but don't move on either. Try and think of little things you can do to make life easier for him over the next 4 months. If you want him back you have to let him see that life is easier and more fun with you around and not the other way. He simply hasn't been able to live up to what you want him to because he has too much on his plate and instead of easing that you've just added more stress and pressure.
So let this go for now. Don't pressure him to come back, don't cry and moan into his face talking about love and coming back. He took this break get rid of stress, if you add even more to this now he'll never come back. But if you drop this panic, relax, find little ways to ease his burden, such as yeah, doing bits of laundry for him and having coffee with him. Or maybe buying him lunch in college some time with your daughter with you. Just try and do small acts of kindness towards him, respect the break and don't try and get cozy or try and get him to talk about deep and meaningful stuff and he will miss you and want to come back.
For now give him the benefit of the doubt. You're surely still in contact with him and he is still contributing to you financially and seeing his daughter. Just make those times as relaxing and stress free as possible for him. Show him support in this and he has no reason not to come back. He may even decide to come back sooner if you do in fact make life easier for him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2012): If I do the math, looks like it's not possible he is the father of this baby. I think he bit off more than he could chew at his age stepping into an immediate family and now wants to enjoy his youth and freedom. He's at an age where it's healthy and normal to want to date a variety of girls so I'd let him go.
You are wanting him to meet the demands of not only you as a girlfriend but you as a mother of an infant. Honestly that is going to be too much for any guy in highschool with a job. I think you will have to meet someone years older who is already where they want to be in life and who can provide for a family.
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (14 January 2012):
 Here goes from my perspective: I understand in the States there is no government support for students, and they need to be eithe supported by their parents, or support themselves.
Working 40 hours and then studying to graduate would be very time consuming and tiring. If, on top of that, you were getting mad because he wouldn't go and see you and the baby every day it would have been overwhelming. When was he supposed to sleep and rejuvinate?
He says the break is only until he graduates in four months time. If he is working 40 hours and studying hard to graduate he is not going to have much time to go and find other girls to have sex with. You already know how time contrained he is.
For heaven's sake, what did you epect him to do when you were getting mad at him? Give up his job? Give up his studies? Risk both work and studies by not taking care of his health and spend time every day with you?
If you love him you will consider his health and well being for a while, understand the pressure he is under, ask him what you can do to help him, even if it's just his laundry, be a support to him and not simply and extra chore which is what you have been.
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