A
female
age
41-50,
*emy
writes:My husband and I got into am arguement over him drinking and coming home smelling like alcohol, so the other night he informed me that he was drinking a beer while driving home, that did not sit well with me, all I ask os that he not come home smelling like beer, if you want to drink then do it at home, so anyways he came up stairs and proceed to pack his things, I offerd him help , he did not say anything so I said I will take that as a yes, and as I was leaving the room thats whn it got physical, I was scared for my life, and I called my sister and when she came she told my parents what she saw, and now everybody say that I need to leave him cuz next time Iay not be so lucky. Buty thing now is, do I tell him leave, or stay? He wants to go get help and do what ever it takes to make it right, im just scared he is gonna flip, and he promised me before he would never get physical but he has. So what am I to do I love him so very much. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, remy +, writes (15 June 2015):
remy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just want to say thank you to everyone for their support, but to give an update,since we went to therapy, he had not gotten physical with me, but don't think it is not in the back of my mind, things have somewhat gotten better but I'm still not happy!
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (1 April 2012):
 He hit you. Now you are frightened of him. You cannot stay. That doesn't sound anything like love, that smells like fear, duty and trying to ignore things in the hope that it goes away.
Your never going to be able to relax with him, you'll be frightened to open your mouth. If they hit once, they are more likely to hit again, and who knows how hard or when. He can't promise anything, because he doesn't know himself. I bet he never believed he could act this way, well he can, and that means he can do it again.
Tell him to go find a doctor and don't let him back in the house.
The thing is, I know your trying to bury your head in the sand and pretend that nothing happened or it wasn't that bad. What the hell is "physical" and how come it shocked your sister. You can't even admit to us what he has done, which means your lying to yourself and trying to minimise his very dangerous behaviour.
Got a link for you that just came in today... maybe this will stand as some kind of warning.... http://www.dearcupid.org/question/he-says-he-hit-me-out-of-self.html
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 April 2012):
 Hi remy, I have a link for you which will provide some services to help you through this: http://www.thehotline.org/ It is the National Domestic Violence Hotline and if you call their number at 1-800-799-SAFE or 1-800-799-7233 you can speak to a trained volunteer. The hotline is staffed 24/7. Please make a call and discuss your options and what local resources exist for you.
Drinking too much does not excuse the physical violence, I am afraid. That is a cop-out and you have to take steps to ensure your safety. Once he's hit you, that barrier has been breached and he may indeed escalate and hurt you more the next time he drinks too much. It's not worth your safety, to take him back without knowing your options.
Please call that number and let us know how you manage, okay? Best wishes to you.
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A
female
reader, bluntasaspoon +, writes (1 April 2012):
 i was in love with someone like that, everytime it was an "i'm so so sorry that happened, i swear it will never happen again, i will get help if you promise to stay with me" so i stayed with him and he kept hitting me. i finally realised that the only reason i was with him was because i was scared of being alone and growing old on my own. if he is genuinley willing to get help then let him do it on his own, then and only then consider trying with him again, but for the love of all thats holy please move the hell out and get your own place. that way if you stay with him and he does it again you can just walk away and have somewhere to go. your friends and family are right, next time could put you in hospital, or worse.
you also need to think that if this is a new thing and has never done it before then why the sudden change? whats he hiding? what is he guilty for? whats his reason for lashing out at you and not being able to act like a grown man and talk.
men are much stronger than women. and when they have had a drink they dont even attempt to hold back. do whats safe and stay away from him.
good luck hunni
bluntasaspoon
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A
female
reader, remy +, writes (1 April 2012):
remy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank u both for your advice, you gave me something to think about
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A
female
reader, Lucky786 +, writes (1 April 2012):
 There seems to be an escalation in the violence. It seems to be getting worse.
Leave him to get the help he needs. Have no contact with him. If he wants to sort out his drinking, he has to do to do it on his own without you around.
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (1 April 2012):
 If he has hit you, chances are he WILL do it again.
LEAVE.
Let him get help for his drinking and his behavior issues.
This is something only he can do for himself.
If you love him, choose to go back if he shows that he is sincerely sorry and has stopped the drinking completely and is getting ALL THE RIGHT HELP.
Otherwise dont put yourself in a vulnerable, hopeless situation.
Goodluck.
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A
female
reader, Deagan +, writes (1 April 2012):
 Has he ever hit you before? Has he ever been verbally abusive?
If he's been abusive in some form or the other in the past, then yes, it's very likely it can happen again.
It sounds like he has a drinking problem. And the fact is, it would not sit well with anyone if their spouse was driving home drinking a beer in the car. With that said, he was not appropriate to pack his things up and hit you because you didn't want him coming home drunk.
Ask yourself:
Is this a constant problem with the both of you?
Has he sworn to get help numerous times in the past?
Has he displayed some sort of abuse to you in the past?
If you're answering yes to these, you should consider getting out of this marriage.
I'm not condoning his actions, however, if this was truly a first time thing, and he got out of control just this one instance and now is saying he wants to get help, then see that he does. Perhaps move in with friends or family to show him that you are not interested in being with him until he gets help. If he cares, and truly wants to get help, he will. Best of luck.
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