A
female
age
30-35,
*mx
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been together two months. Everything was going great until my ex got incontact through email and was asking me to cheat on my bf with him. i of course said no and told my bf everything that was said thinking i was being honest.He then started actin weird we didnt speak for 2days and he then later admitted that he thought id cheated and was going to leave him since i told him the relationships including sex hasnt been the same i told him because i thought it was the right thing to do I know his ex's cheated on him but ive told him countless times i dont want anyone else. I need advice ive asked him over tonight to talk because im not happy in this relationship anymore but i dont want to end it because i know how good it was at the start and apart from this he treats me better than anyone ever has. please help thank u!! x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, cmx +, writes (1 April 2012):
cmx is verified as being by the original poster of the question im.not playing games . Been in relationships full of lies and thats why from the beggining we promised each other we would always be honest.
Thanks starlights he knows i never meant to tell him to play games and things have been sorted out :-) x
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2012): Why would you even bring your ex wanting you to cheat up? Why are you still talking to your ex? Maybe your boyfriend is distancing himself because he feels you are playing games or trying to make him jealous. Sure sounds like it! Guys don't trust girls who play games.
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (1 April 2012):
 Your boyfriends old insecurities have come up. What happened between you both, reminded him of what happened with his past.
The best thing to do, is be supportive, and explain to him you never cheated , you never would, and how honesty is always the best policy. Stand by your decision to tell him the truth.
He will understand, because ultimately you never did anything wrong; you never cheated.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2012): I have to agree with Deagon, it sounds like you want a medal for telling your ex no and for being honest with your boyfriend, but you don't.
Sorry but you made a big mistake. What made you think that telling your boyfriend, a guy who knows the pain of being cheated on and is paranoid about it, that your ex wants to sleep with you was a good idea?
He didn't need to know that, if you're not going to sleep with your ex then why even mention it? Because it's the right thing to do? Nope, because if it was then it wouldn't be such a big problem now, did you tell him so you could get a pat on the back or make him jealous or something?
"I know his ex's cheated on him but ive told him countless times i dont want anyone else."
Well by telling him about your exes email you've basically just told him you can cheat on him if you like because there are other guys out there asking for shags. An intelligent person would have just blocked the exes email, ignored it and said nothing.
Now you're planning on telling him you're unhappy in the relationship too? Do you really just not understand how things work or are you just so in love with drama that you're actively trying to ruin this relationship.
He's worried you've cheated and your solution is to tell him you're unhappy with him? So firstly you have an ex you're still in contact with, second he's asked you to sleep with him, third you've told your boyfriend this and fourth you're now going to tell him you're unhappy with the relationship.
No offence OP but you don't sound ready for a relationship with this guy at all, you just have no empathy or sympathy for how he feels at all, only how you feel. You tell him about the cheating thing to make yourself feel good by "doing the right thing" and now you want to make him snap out of this by telling him you're unhappy just to please you.
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A
female
reader, Deagan  +, writes (1 April 2012):
 You two have been dating for 2 month, your current boyfriend has not developed enough trust yet. This is quite normal actually. Trust develops in time. It scared him off, especially since he was cheated on in the past.
Though, I'm noticing that your making this about your self. You're acting like he's the problem. I'm looking at the way you're wording things here, such as "I've asked him over tonight to talk because I'M not happy anymore in this relationship," and "[I] was going to leave him because I told him the relationship including sex hasn't been the same."
Sorry, but you're acting like the martyr.
In a guy's mind, if nothing happened, then there's no point in mentioning anything. Because you mentioned that you ex contacted you to be with him, and even though you two didn't do anything, your current bf has it in his head that "something must have happened, why would she be mentioning this otherwise? Is she saying that she didn't do anything out of guilt?"
When you two go to talk, don't make it about you, make it about him, and how much you care for him. The best you can do is assure him that you were just trying to be honest, nothing happened, and that you want to continue being with him.
You have to be prepared for it to go two ways. He might be receptive and want to try and make this relationship work, or he will not be interested, and still think that you cheated on him. You can't change how he feels.
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